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Monday, November 29, 2004

Blasting from my Past --- Or, Hangin' with Shakespear's Sibling

I had forgotten that I had pre-ordered it. However, today the UK saw the release of "The Best of Shakespear's Sister" CD with limited edition DVD of their videos! My copy arrived right on time --- today! Listening to the music, it felt like I was back on the cusp of the 1990's when I first heard them. I think it was 1989 and I saw a video for "Heroine" on MTV's Sunday night show that featured "alternative" music/artists. I was unable to find their CD in Texas ---- but by 1992 they scored hits --- minor in the US, but hits all the same. I LOVED their music. So, I have really been enjoying this CD! Can't wait to watch the DVD!

Also, I keep thinking of the hilarious spook French & Saunders did of one of their more popular videos from the early 90's. I know that one of the girls went on to marry the dude from the Eurythmics and make babies --- but whatever became of Ms. Detroit? Last time I saw her she was playing musical Angel to Marianne Faithfull's God on AbFab. ...That had to be, like 7 or 8 years ago!

"...you can take the girl out of Bananarama, but you can't take the Bananarama out of the girl" French & Saunders, 1993

Ah, yes. Harmonally yours!

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Losing Dusty

Karl's parents decided, that as much as they love Dusty (our little Shih-Tzu), they are just too elderly to care for a dog at this stage of their lives. Of course, I signed my lease at Charles River Park last Wednesday and I move this week. This means I have to find a caring/loving home for my baby, Dusty. When Karl told me that they couldn't keep her --- I had to swallow hard to prevent myself from crying. I never cry. I normally just throw up instead. However, I cried while I was taking a shower. I just feel so guilty and sad.

I have reached a point where I feel like everything that is happening has a reason to happen and that, ultimately, everything is going the right direction. As much as it hurts or as much as I might feel conflicted on certain levels --- I realize that Karl no longer belong together as a couple. However, the only positive thing I could perspective I could develop around losing Dusty was the fact that the Coleman's would be able to provide Dusty with more attention --- and, she would actually have a better life.

Now, I simply have to find a home for her. I do not want to sell her. I just want to give her to someone whom I know will give her the best life possible. I sent out a mass email to all the people I know locally to see if one of them or someone who they trusted might want her.

If anyone out there is reading this and would like to have a beautiful little 10 month old pure bred Shih Tzu who answers to the name "Dusty" --- send me an email and let me know. She is spayed and has had all of her shots. She is a bit spoiled. ...My fault. But, with some love and patience --- she could easily be trained out of some of her ways. She knows not to "do her business" on the floor, but she seems to forget that when she is excited/happy. She is used to being "crated" for the day while her owners go to work. She actually loves her crate --- I think it is her "safe" place.

Recently, she has developed the love of sleeping at the foot of the bed. She sleeps the night and likes being close to people. She LOVES people and children. She is quite playful. She comes complete with a crate, doggie toys and a cintrinella collar --- which prevents her from yapping too much. It sprays cintrinella when she barks. So, normally, we don't even need to turn the collar on --- we just put it on her and she calms down.

Anyway, you can see pictures of Miss Dusty if you click on to my photo album link.

Keep your fingers crossed for me --- and, for Dusty.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Adapting to a Cell Phone Life

...may just be harder for me than most. However, I have got to get a grip! ...on my cell phone! I will be moving into my swingin' single's pad (read: my sad sack alone home) on Thursday and I am not getting standard phone service. I upgraded my cell phone to a high end model so that it would become my home phone as well as my mobile.

The problem seems to be that I forget about it. As an example I went to a movie, turned it off like a good film-goer. Well, it stayed off for almost 3 days. I only thought of it because I noticed the charger wire on the kitchen counter. And, at 11:41 PM --- I just realized that it has been on vibrate in my bag (messenger type purchased in Manhattan. It is most cool, but I digress) ---- anyway, if this is to be my sole link to the outside world when I am in my home I need to remember it exists. UGH!

Just about everything is packed. Karl was out all day shopping for furniture and stuff for his new place in the North End. He got in at about 6pm tonight. We ended up walking over to a Thai restaurant together. We were chatting (and eating) when he was telling me something and called me "baby" ---- I corrected him and reminded him that I was no longer his "baby" and he needed to change the way he addresses me. I didn't mean it to come out as cold or insensitive, but I could just hear myself sounding like an asshole professor.

Then, as we were walking back to the mostly packed up condo --- we stopped at a 7-11 store. We started talking about an old episode of a favorite show of ours. We were going to watch it, but when we got back I realized it was packed up to be moved.

I think we both felt a bit blue tonight.

We came home and watched the British DVD of Boy George's West End production to "Taboo" ---- which seemed to have been filmed on a shoe string budget with poor sound equipment. And, the play looked like it might have been fun if you were there, but the plot floated above the head's of the audience and the cast. I liked the music, tho. It kind of reminded me of one of Ryan Landry's Orphan PTown productions. Always fun, but maybe not always so very good.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Tossing Things Away

Last night I worked on weeding down some more. There is only so much a person can hold on to. Anyway, I found a letter from my father that he wrote to me in 1992. I don't think I had ever opened it. So I read it last night. I had forgotten how clever he could be when he put his mind to it. I didn't keep it. Not really sure why, but I didn't want to keep it.

You know, I didn't mean for the above to sound so down. I am actually in a very good mood. Am just chilin' at home today. I need to get my butt in gear and finish up my packing. The big move is just around the corner.

Hope everyone is having a great Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

The Seed of Chuckie

I could not decide if it was a camp classic or just bad. Jennifer Tilly gets major props for being cool enough to "get the joke" and is exceptional in it! Somehow, tho --- It didn't quite work.

Tomorrow will be packing, packing, see a movie, watch DVD's and finish up any remaining packing. ...as I move on December 2nd! Yay!

I had turned the ringer on my cell off yesterday and forgot to turn it back on until tonight. I had a really nice message waiting for me from a new friend. Made my evening.

I picked up 2 Viva-Burritos tonight --- they are in the fridge. So my Thanksgiving meal is all set! lol! Actually, I love Viva Burrito --- so that is totally cool! It has been a nice day.

My only real complaint is that I keep flop sweating as I go from the wet/cold to damp/hot subway and then back out again. I was sitting on the subway sweating buckets and everyone else looked like they were still cold. I hate that!

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Pussy Ray of Light

Well, those annoying porn pop-ups have returned to the PC.

However, I am being spared the whole granny porn pix! Now,the pop-up sites I am seeing show a ray of light which diffuses to a bright light emitting from a fake-titted woman's pussy. I guess this is attractive to the average straight dude.

I suppose it could also come in handy for the naked balloon-titted woman if the lights in her condo go out.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Motel Issues

Back in the 80's when The Motels released one of their only 2 hits I thought they were singing "...only the lonely get laid"

It was well into the early 90's that someone pointed out that The Motels were actually singing "...only the lonely can play"

I still do not really understand what that song is all about, but I do like it. ...And, to me, it will always be about lonely people getting all sexed up.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Divorce Gifting

I was thinking tonight of the many wedding gifts I have purchased for friends over the years. True, I never married --- but Karl and I were together a long time. And, you know, it is when you break up that you really need a "pick me up" or practical gifts.

Most marriages end in divorce, too. So, why not give a person a gift when he/she divorces?

I mean, when you're getting together to build a united life --- everything is just wonderful. You do not need to be gifted. When you're breaking up all sorts of problems come up --- not to mention the searching of the soul and trying to determine where you want to go from here. This is when a person needs to be gifted and granted only the best of wishes! Dammit!

This is as bad as that screw up the Creator made when he decided to start us off in life as babies and take us out as smelly, old people. Everyone knows that she must have meant to have us start out as unwanted old people and then we could "grow" into being cute, stupid and loved.

I just don't know...

Saturday, November 20, 2004

A New Home

Pending a credit check, which should not be a problem, I have a new home effective December 1st. I took the last place I saw. I have lived there before and loved it. It just makes sense that I go with Longfellow Towers.

I will be in a one bedroom on the 10th floor with a little balcony. I have a view the Charles River Park complex. For those of you not familiar with Boston,
  • HERE!
    is a picture of the complex. I think I will be happy there. My one bedroom will be in one of the Longfellow Place Towers.

    I am tired. We've been walking all day long. I think Karl has found a place in the North End. A cute one bedroom with exposed brick on Thatcher Court Street. Although, I think he is still thinking about it. He has not officially applied for it. However, he has it on hold.

    Now, I think I shall take a nice long bath and emerged relaxed and radiant!

  • Friday, November 19, 2004

    An Update From Matt!

    I have not felt good for the last couple of days. I think it is all of the many stressors and changes going on. My body decided it wanted to rest. So rest it has. Now, I am rather bored and just wish tomorrow morning would arrive so I can secure an apartment!!! Have to be out by 12/15 so the new owners can rent out the condo. I think they plan to rent it out for a while and then bring the wall down (the buyers are our neighbors -- who we like!) to get even more space for when they have children.

    I think I may have made some new friends! I wish this weekend were not going to be so busy --- and, then we have the holiday next week. So, probably will not have the chance to actually meet anyone for a few weeks. I think I like OUT.COM --- so much easier than bars, Unitarian churches and gay men's reading groups. Tho, I do want to get back into the reading group. I used to enjoy that.

    Also, much to my surprise, there seem to be a number of good-looking men who are expressing dating interest in me. Please do not get me wrong ---- I am a confident person and I know that I am not ugly or anything. However, I think I look worse now than I ever have. I have never weighed this much. Not that I think I am fat, but I have a belly!! I will get rid of the extra weight, but I was really surprised by the number of really gorgeous guys who don't seem to mind that I am 5'9" and weigh in at 196 lbs! Cool!

    I think I might try to see the KINSEY REPORT this weekend at some point. It looks interesting. I wonder if I will have time, tho. Hope everyone has a kick ass weekend!!!!
    Dating would be fine, but right now I really want to make some friends.

    Jon --- I made a real effort to cut back on the soda today. Not sure I made much progress, but it was a bit better.

    Wednesday, November 17, 2004

    Difficult Conversations, Holidays and Jumps Into the Future

    I stretch out my arms and jump forward ---- to a new chapter, new adventures and happiness. My eyes are open. ...And, you know, everyone and everything is going to be OK.

    Tuesday, November 16, 2004

    Joni Mitchell in a Hat and Rufus Wainwright in Drag

    I've been listening to a lot of Joni Mitchell lately. I love her last 3 CD's --- where she basically has re-recorded some of her classic songs and added full tilt orchestration. Her voice has weathered and all of this somehow changes the meaning of each song ever so slightly. Last night, her singing was driving Karl crazy. He kept saying, "I know I should like her, but I can't stand her!" ...Which is hard for me to understand because I just think she is almost perfect.

    However, perfection is reserved for BARBRA. ...Babs accepts nothing less! ...And, of course, this is the main problem with her recent work. A bit of imperfection makes the performance more accessible and human. Nothing in life is perfect. And, nothing is easy. Memo to Barbra!

    Rufus Wainwright's sequel to his brilliant CD of last year came out today. I don't like it. I am very disappointed. I do not see the connection between this new recording and the last one. I mean, it is not a bad recording. For most artists it would be fantastic, but I expect more from Rufus. Oh well, he does look quite pretty in drag on the cover and in the little CD booklet. I've never thought of him as pretty, but he pulls it off.

    I think the condo is sold! Apartment hunting starts Thursday night!! I am not sad anymore. I am even a little excited. I am a bit scared. I have never liked being alone. So that part scares me. However, I think I may have met some nice folks via online. I just haven't met them in person yet. I wish I could blink my eyes and see where I will be and how I will feel in a year.

    One thing is for sure --- the adventure is about to begin!

    Monday, November 15, 2004

    Working Through It ---- The Best I Can

    Someone posted a comment to my blog that was ugly and I decided to remove it. What the person had to say was valid and made me stop and think about how I am working my way thru the process to what will essentially be a new chapter in my life. Karl is doing the same. The reason I decided to remove the post was due to the rather mean way the author chose to express him/her self. However, the reader posted a comment that stated I should have more consideration for how Karl feels and that it might be nicer of me to wait until we are completely dissolved before discussing future plans. I touched base with Karl. As I suspected, he was not upset by my posts or my choices. A couple of things I have written and discussed with him hurt a bit, but that is true on both sides. Karl and I have to be able to be honest with each other and move on --- if we are to remain friends. It took me a while to realize it, but as Karl told me 7 or 8 months ago --- we have been living as roommates for about 2 years now.

    Several pals (both online and off) have expressed concern that I am jumping forward too fast. However, I have always moved fast in life. Over the past 6 years most of my gay male friends have moved out of state and I have lost touch with the others. I really need to reconnect with the world and make some friends. I know I have joked about "slutting out" --- but that was really a reflection of some of my own frustrations as I work out of this. As I pursue new friendships, I am also keeping the door open for dating. I would be foolish not to do so.

    Karl has really pushed himself to be more social and has been able to make some good friends via online chatting and so forth. He has a stronger network of local friends with whom he can talk. I need that too. In addition --- this is my blog. I write what is going on for me and what I am thinking. It is never my intention to hurt anyone --- especially Karl, with whom I shared some very wonderful years. I guess things just do not work out the way we plan them. It is time to move on and forward.

    ...And, to the individual who made posted the comment which has driven this one. I do want to thank you for making me stand back and reflect. I also want to let that reader know that Karl and I have discussed. We are ok with it. We are both moving forward. And, Karl understands that I need to reconnect with gay friends. Please feel free to post your comments and be honest --- but I would ask that you try not to be so judgmental and ugly in the way you express yourself. It really isn't cool. I've a funny feeling that what I wrote will probably piss you off. ...that is what several people have warned me about. I hope it doesn't. I really do.

    Sunday, November 14, 2004

    Packing and Purging

    For some odd reason, I ended up staying up till 4am watching Paul Morrisey's WOMEN IN REVOLT staring Candy Darling, Jackie Curtis and Holly Woodland. It was not good. I guess the thing is after hearing so much about these Warhol 'girls' --- I found it interesting to watch them make up lame commentary about the women's liberation movement. At the heart of all of Paul Morrisey's work is a politically and socially conservative. I couldn't help but wonder if he was using ridiculous and drug-addled drag queens to make fun of the liberation and civil rights of women ---- or, maybe he was just uninspired without Little Joe. Anyway, I watched the whole thing.

    Candy Darling really was quite pretty. Holly Woodland was soooooo good in TRASH. She just sucked in this one. Jackie Curtis was just scary. I purchased a rare copy of Candy Darling's "auto-biography" several months ago. I have not yet read it, but it is encased in a cushy pink vinyl girl's diary ---- complete with a key and girlish script. Look forward to reading it. I think it may be a reproduction of her actual journal kept during her time as a Warhol Superstar and beyond. Should be a fun/interesting read.

    Spent all of today packing things up and tossing things out. I am feeling quite optimistic now. This is an opportunity for me to sort of start over! So, I rid myself of many things I have been dragging around for years. ...Yes, friends, one of those things was my Cher Head. I hope Jenny, my best friend from my high school/college days will understand. She gave it to my on my 21st birthday. Somehow it seemed fitting to let her go on my 38th.

    It looks like I may have connected with a few guys via OutInBoston.Com for possible friendship or/and dating. Hope to meet a couple of them soon. That is a good thing because over the years I have just about lost all contact with my gay pals in the city. --- the precious few I've remained in touch with now live in California, or New York. So, I need to make some new friends and have some fun!

    Saturday, November 13, 2004

    I am an eternal ray of sunshine --- here on the world wide web to share the warmth of my being. Bask in my glow. ...not.  Posted by Hello

    Well, this was my first attempt to post a picture of myself to my blog using the free software that Blogger offers. Either it doesn't work or I did it wrong. I suspect I did it wrong. I will try to figure it out later. Too bad, tho. As it was to be a very "cheezy" picture of my face superimposed on a sunflower!

    Slept late today, got my "hair did", had lunch and then Karl helped schlep about 500 CD's and DVD's all over the city. I was selling them. I decided that I just had too many and needed to do some serious purging of possessions. It took us all day! Oi!

    Now, I am waiting for take out to arrive. Jon --- you would be ashamed if you had any idea of the quality of Asian cuisine I will soon be receiving. However, I just need to eat something!

    I think I am going to chill tonight. Looks like Karl is packing. I might back up my books. Please do not make fun of me, but I want to see the new Bridget Jones movie. I might see that tomorrow after I wake up.

    Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

    Friday, November 12, 2004

    Being 38 with thoughts of Linda Rondstatd and The New York Post

    I am officially 38 now --- and am about to embark into a whole new chapter of my life. I feel just like Marsha Mason in Chapter Two! I did feel like Jill Clayburgh, but I now feel more optimistic ---- So I will go with Neil Simon over Paul Muzurtzsky. Artistically, probably not a good move --- but from the life perspective, I figure it is more healthy.

    I was listening the Stones on my Walkman this morning. They started singing Tumbling Dice. Now, this is a Stones song, but Linda Rondstadt had a hit single of it in the mid or late 70's when I was kid. It made me think, "Wow. Remember when Linda Rondstadt was cool and everyone thought she was hot?" ...not anymore.

    Then I walked past a news stand and noticed that classy bit of journalism excellence, THE NEW YORK POST. If you have not seen today's edition, it is worth a look just for sure bad taste. There is a photo of a heavy-set woman in tears with the headline reading, "Till The Arafat Woman Cries" or something to that effect. ...Still, it made me laugh.

    Thursday, November 11, 2004

    Me & My iBook!

    I was dreading setting my new Apple/Mac iBook G4. I had watched Karl work for hours to get our Dell PC up and running and I just was going on the assumption that I would be dealting with the same thing. However, this was the easiest set up I could have imagined. I ran into two problems. I had to call Apple for tech support. Oh my God --- both phone calls went so well. Both operators seemed to be happy to chat with me and guide me thru my "issues" --- and I didn't have to wait more than one minute on either call to speak with a real person. I now have Microsoft 2004 installed on my the ibook. I have a DVD player. I have a CD player. And it is so incrediblly easy to use. If anyone out there is about to invest in a new PC, give some thought to spending the extra money. Looks like it is well worth it to me.

    So, here I am typing on my iBook. Getting used to navigating --- tho, when I put together my new table in my new apartment I have an Apple keyboard and mouse to use.

    I have no real news to report.

    Oh, Underling --- If you're out there, please post your new picture to your site. You look absolutely delicious!!! Karl wanted to see it, but I had already deleted it because, based upon what you wrote, you didn't seem to like it. ...I do not know why!

    My brother isn't coming for Turkey Day after all. So, I guess that means I will have a long weekend of watching DVD's and going to the movies. I will have to stock up on some food for the actual holiday. Who needs turkey anyway!

    Wednesday, November 10, 2004

    Courage and Strength

    I was surfing thru the OutInAmerica.com site and came upon a profile. I was struck by the man's intense and lovely eyes. I clicked on to his home website and was reminded about the immense power of the human soul. This man and his life partner are fighting a battle that most of us could not even comprehend. Reading about his brave fight to educate and help others --- and to survive and live with pain unimaginable ---- it made me think. ...I don't know from problems. There is much to be learned. And, as with so many horrid diseases --- funding for medical research is needed. Sometimes I think only of AIDS and breast cancer because those things have taken people I have loved from my life and have also put other dear friends through hell. Sometimes, I think, it is important to refocus our perspectives. Take a few and visit Joey's site. Just click
  • HERE

  • Tuesday, November 09, 2004

    An Unmarried Man

    So, where is my Alan Bates???? Does anyone out there remember AN UNMARRIED WOMAN? I snuck in to watch it when I was little kid. Anyway, I remember she ended up meeting this really hot guy who was not interested in being married or committed, but who wanted to have her.

    The reason I am thinking of that old 70's movie is that it looks like we just sold our condo. Of course, a number of things need to be reviewed and approved --- but I think it will be a done deal. One thing is for sure --- if it is going to happen it will happen quick! We will have to be out by no later than 12/15.

    That means we start packing this weekend and start apartment hunting a week from this weekend. I am thinking I want to live in either the Green House or Church Park. ...they both have air-conditioning. This is a must pour moi. However, I would also be open to Prudential Towers or The Devonshire. I lived in The Devonshire before. ...not bad, but I like to control my environment. Both of those building operate like an office building using forced air so that the whole building is either heated or cooled.

    Lots of work to be done. Feels really odd to be moving forward so fast. Things change so quickly you hardly have time to catch up.

    ...And, I've got to get this once firm/tight ass back to the gym. One just can't be this gay --- and be 38 (next week! UGH!) --- and fat! ...I guess I am not really fat, but I am developing quite a belly. That just will not do! And, if memory serves me well, Jill Clayburgh was really thin as THE UNMARRIED WOMAN.

    signing off for the night with gentle kisses and heavy thoughts,
    matt

    Sunday, November 07, 2004

    Whew!

    I left the office at about 1:30pm this afternoon. Came home, sat in front of the PC for a few minutes, Karl arrived back from the Cape and I fell asleep for an hour or so. The first big office move is over. The rest of the week will be busy, but not like the past 4 days! Thank goodness. Actually, I didn't do half as much as other members of the team --- but I seemed much more tired! After tomorrow, I may even get to work a "normal" hour work day! I have to get to the 'swing space' office really early tomorrow to meet with a partner --- but the rest of the week will be spent ironing out any kinks/issues at both locations.

    The cell phone portion of my Palm Treo 600 just really sucks. It became painfully obvious during this first move. We are using Motorola walkie-talkie's, but I really could have used a reliable cell phone. So, I purchased an actual cell phone on Saturday evening after I left the office and moved my Cingular account from the Palm Pilot to the new cell phone. It is amazing how much it can do! Anyway, this will be my phone moving forward. When I get my own place I am going to skip the whole phone thing and stick with the cell. As I am so clumsy and forgetful, I took out the Cingular insurance policy so that when I destroy it or lose it ---- they will just hand me a new one. --- Three more dollars a month. I figure it is worth it.

    Thanks to my region-free DVD player I have been able to secure DVD's from Poland of Larry Clark's KENT PARK and Chritina Ricci's film of PROZAC NATION! Neither of which have ever secured a distributor for either the US or UK. However, both made it to Poland. Go figure.

    I have always liked Larry Clarke's films. I also have enjoyed Harmony Korine's film work. I find the images to be interesting and uniquely American. The only thing that I find annoying is the need to try to shock the audience. Both cast actors who, while all over 18, could all pass for 13 to 16. That envelope gets pushed. Anyway, what you read/hear in the press is usually more hyper-over-re-action to what you end up seeing on the screen. Regarding KENT PARK, it actually was more extreme than what I had read. I mean, the press has said that the film was too graphic for an R-rating and Clarke has refused to make any edits. I liked it. However, there is no getting around the fact that the movie is pornographic. However, it was kind of cool to see the "boys" exploited as much as the "girls"

    I haven't had a chance to see PROZAC NATION yet.

    OH! And, I managed to find a copy of a classic cult film, THUNDERCRACK!, I learned about from one of my fave bloggers, Trash Addict (see link to the left on side bar), the movie is pure genius. At once bad, good, nasty, funny and really odd! There is a company working on releasing it to DVD in pristine condition. The DVD I obtained is VERY low budget and grainy --- but that really made it seem all the more fitting. THUNDERCRACK deserves a place in film history along with John Water's PINK FLAMINGOS! Watch for the wonderous lead actress's work with cucumbers! Quite simply, astounding! lol!Classic! Lubin --- Thank you!!!!

    Friday, November 05, 2004

    dusty

    Well, I just got home from the first day of the Big Move. As it is almost 1am and I have to be back to the office for 7am, I am debating whether or not I am going to bed at all. I might just stay up. I'm not sleepy anyway.

    Dusty left for the Cape this afternoon.

    As I walked into our building the concierge told me that I had some "VERY LARGE" packages waiting for me. Yes, I have already purchased a desk, chair, lamp and several framed pictures for an apartment I have yet to rent. ...I like to be prepared. Anyway, I want to be able to just have the movers move it all at once and not have to deal with various delivery time frames. Also, when I do move. Everything MUST be unpacked and in its place before I go to bed.

    However, I digress.

    So, Dusty is gone. I didn't feel like carrying up all of the big packages tonight (or, this morning) so I picked up the box I could lift which is actually a gift from my mother. I was going to open it, but I think I will wait till the day arrives. I have to work that night --- so, it might be nice to have something nice to do when I finally get home that night.

    Anyway, I carried the packing material and box to the dumpster room and I saw Dusty's little pink Hello Kitty pillow she's had since the day she arrived in our lives lying on the floor waiting to be picked up and thrown out for good. I do not know why I feel the need to post this to my blog, but I picked it up and could smell Dusty. I just cried and cried. Feels like she's died or something.

    I have had a bad day and have been working since 8am --- so I think I am just too emotional right now. I guess I just need some distance from this time in my life. I need to start over. I need to let go of the things that I thought meant something that they never really did. I don't mean to say that they didn't mean something, but I do think they meant something different than I felt them.

    Enough of the pity party --- no more posts of this sort. I will get a grip.

    I will be OK.

    Thursday, November 04, 2004

    The Weekend From Hell

    Well, my fun weekend starts tomorrow! Lots of moving of people to swing space in preparation for demolition and reconstruction of our office space. So, I do not think I am going to have a chance to post until after Tuesday of next week, but I'll be back and I will get my links back up!

    Oh, my iBook finally arrived after a week's worth of teasing me! I guess I won't get to set it up till later in the week. Wahhh...

    Also, tonight is my last night with Dusty. I made sure to leave a bit early so that I could spend some time with her. We sat on the couch for about 30 minutes. I cried for about 15 of those. ...and, I never cry. Poor Dusty seemed upset and confused. What will I do without my little baby? Ugh.

    Wednesday, November 03, 2004

    Blog Horror, Rescue and Defeat

    Hi kids! It was like a bad dream. I kept posting and posting -- but none of the posts ever showed up. At a loss, I reached out to my pal, Jen, and asked her to help me. Jen is a wiz and within minutes informed me that it appeared that Blogger, due to some goof, ate my blog. It was just gone.

    i was crushed.

    Ever sweet and willing to rescue me from the bowels of Blog Regret and Sorrow --- made miracles happen by doing something that had to do with Google and "cached" copies out in cyper space. Bit by bit, as she listened to the election -- she resurrected my Blog!!! --- and, with a spiffy retro template that I LOVE! A big kiss to Jen for saving the day! Anyway, I am back! I know not how to install the whole comment thing. So, I am going to stick with whatever Jen thinks is best. Work is totally insane and I will be working 24/7 starting tomorrow. So, I probably will not be able to get my links back up till late into next week, but I will be linking back to all of my fave blogs soon!

    Well, the election. Today was one of those days when I had more interactions with people than usual -- which is kind of scary because 90% of my job is meeting with people of all ranks and perspectives. I really do enjoy my job --- despite my complaining. I really like people and find varying perspectives and drivers interesting. Basically, every day is a learning experience. Anyway, I interacted with folks of all political spectrums. I chatted with relieved Republicans, gloating Republicans, depressed Democrats, angry Democrats and quite a bit of ambivalence about the whole thing!

    I voted for Kerry and I wanted him to win. However, I have never liked Kerry. He just seemed a better choice because I think Bush is a puppet. ..and accidental president with a low level of intelligence. And, I think this "war" is the biggest mistake we have made since Vietnam and I worry that the history of the late 60's and early 70's is probably going to repeat itself to an alarming extent --- only with a lot more bloodshed.

    The country has spoken. And, even tho it was close --- the majority of Americans wanted to retain Bush. I do not understand, but I accept it.

    I saw a great French film this past summer by Claude Chabrol in which there is a family dinner. At the dinner one of the characters comments, and I am not sure that this is a direct quote, but he states "The problem with Americans is that they worry too much about God and what their neighbors are doing in bed" --- the character then said something to the effect that he still thought it a fun place to visit, but not somewhere he would want to live. I saw the film at a sold out screening in Cambridge. The reaction to that line was fairly strong. At least a dozen viewer got up and left the cinema and, more than half laughed and applauded. ...I was one of those --- and I HATE people who clap at movies. Still, I felt that sentiment hit true.

    I think that deviations to extremes in morality on either side of the fence are not good. It is always a bit worrying when someone feels the need to impose a personal belief as a law for others. The older I get the more I feel that "extremes" are not good. I tend to be extreme in my life actions. When I do something, I do it big. Too big. Me and my shrink are working on that one. So, it is bad enough on a personal level, but when you have a majority of the country decide that their moral codes are to be dictated and that it is OK to place a value system on human love and life --- it is a bad thing. The whole world has gotten too extreme.

    I am rambling here, but I guess what I am trying to say is that if the majority of our country feels that we all need to follow the moral guidelines set forth by organized religion -- then that majority needs to focus on what that religion is really saying. I feel that the true bottom line of Christianity is actually quite lovely and good. It is my understanding that the Christian "bottom line" should be to do unto others as you would have them to do you. To use that religion to restrict love, kill others out of fear or disagreement with belief systems is not a correct interpretation ---- I mean, any moron knows that this goes against the basic fiber what Christ taught. I do not consider myself Christian, but I do believe in God. And I suspect that many are mistaking evil for good. I am certainly no Bible scholar, but I think that there is some warning to this effect in Revelations.

    It is what is. And, if you did not bother to vote -- you have no right to express an opinion. If you did vote then you have every right to stand up and speak for/against our current administration and the policies it pushes.

    I just wish we could all chill a bit, think more and hold off from jumping into territories of the extreme. For once, if only we could learn from history and find a way to use the past to make a better future. Not every culture wants to be Christian. ...And, no matter what you think, not every culture wants democracy bad enough to have a Big Brother country destroy their world so they can vote.

    Also, can anyone really continue to defend the actions of Israel??? The problems of the Middle East will never really go away. However, would it not be good to try and help Palestine a bit. This is a people who have been pushed down so far --- should we not re-think the way we approach this issue? What we and Israel have been doing is certainly not working. Perspective is lacking.

    And, you know, the concept of a war against terrorist really makes no sense. Terrorist are EVERYWHERE. How do you go to war against a group you are unable to really identify.

    Wow -- this might be my longest and "preach-i-est" post. I learned a new word today which I liked. "bleh" ---

    4 more years of Bush. Bleh.



    Tuesday, November 02, 2004

    S.A.T. Revisited

    I voted. Now, all I can do is hope that we will not have another 4 years of Bush leading the US. We are hated enough as it is. I wonder --- does anyone know Bush's IQ?

    I know that Boston is not a major metropolis like a New York or an LA, but Boston is a fairly significant city with a good amount of citizens, world-wide business and a whole shit load of universities. Imagine my surprise as I waked up to vote this morning and was handed a form in which I had to shade in the oval spaces for the candidates I choose. "Be sure to shade them in completely and in the black ink or pencil provided in the booth" the 1,000 year old lady advised. Oh my God! I would have, at the very least, expected one of those old crank machines. Suddenly it felt like the 80's all over again. Odd. I was the 10th person to vote in my district, but there were about 80 people in line behind me. This is bound to be an interesting election. However, I have a feeling that Kerry is not going to get it. I only voted for him because I'd rather him than George, Jr.

    Oh, for those of you who love Amy Sedaris --- she interviews herself in the new edition of INDEX magazine and it is hilarious!

    Monday, November 01, 2004

    Me, John Kerry and a MAC

    Well, this is going to be the worst week of my work year. I start the roll down tomorrow and then smash into a weekend filled with movers and whining folks being moved. No, they will not care that we will be working 24/7 starting Friday thru Sunday and then have to ready to work our asses off for the next two week helping people adjust to pains of working in "swing space" ---- Change Management 101. However, it is my job. I just do not have my normal amount of energy or humor -- but I'm working on it.

    I am up bright and early to report to the voting booth in hopes of helping John Kerry be elected to President. However, I am not thrilled. He is just my only option. And, I have to say, I am seriously worried that we are going to be stuck with Bush for another term. Vietnam-Redux here we come! ...if we're not there already.

    Oh, and I can't remember if I reported that I purchased a MAC this weekend. It shipped this morning. I went for the laptop because I envision a simplified life ahead for me. Sleek lines, less weight and lots of sex! Lots of it! But --- being gay, single and in your late 30's is one thing. However when you toss "fat" into that equation ---- it just will not fly. Am joining a gym with a friend later this month after the first big office move. And, I have to let the sugar go. And nasty fast food. ...One of my two fave things.

    sigh.