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Saturday, December 31, 2005


I have more DVD's than you can shake a stick at! Actually, I have so many that when UPS lost an entire box of them on my move to California I was kind of relieved. I have probably only ever even watched half of them. I can't sell or trade them in because they are mostly region 2, 3 or 5. But as I was waiting for 2006 to come busting into the morning I decided to watch a few that I've had for a long while but have just never gotten 'round to watching.

The above picture is from the first film I watched. The DVD of 1980's infamously campy film of FLASH GORDON featuring a musical score by Queen, a bad accent from Max Von Sydow, Richard "Riff Raff" O'Brien blowing on a flute and really bad but hot actor as our hero with barely a stich of clothing! You know, I was totally stoned when I saw this a kid. I remembered thinking it was bad, but funny. Well, as an adult pushing 40 I can tell you it is quite bad but one probably needs to be stoned to find anything funny about it. However, it is soooooo homo-fied! Flash in mini leather shorts, Flash in chains with no shirt, Flash doing a sort of homo fight scene with a very young Timothy Dalton --- and lots of "warriors" in leather with wings, but it is the wires one can see that are giving them flight.

This movie is so gay! And, Alan Carr had nothing to do with this production. Oddly, Topol (yeah, that old Fiddler on the roof) plays the mad but loveable scientist in a wonderously 70's kind of jump suit with his chest hair on display for all the world to see! He seems to be totally "coked-up" throughtout the film. A sort of manic energy. Oh, Topol. And such an unfortunate name!

As you see --- the producers were threatening us with a sequel. Luckily, that never happened!

And, what better way to see 2005 out than to watch a very young Sondra Locke and Colleen Camp (circa 1976) seduce, torture and ruin the life of Seymour Cassel only to get mowed down by a wreckless van (which comes out of nowhere) as the two dance down a suburban street in bizarre glam make-up to the really odd score created for this B movie from Hell! --- and, yes, Sissy Spacek did the make-up and costume work while her hubby helped David Lynch film some of Eraserhead in their garage. And Bill Paxton assisted her with the set dressing! And it was all filmed here in our wonderful city of San Francisco! Fun movie trivia! Anyway, there are so many classic moments in this sexplosion exploitation drive in flick!

...Like Sondra deep throating a banana or the odd way both women eat food in general ...and other oddness too creepy to mention here! See it! 70's mayhem was never this much fun! My dad took me to see this when it came out and Sondra Locke scared me! And, she still makes me a-scared!

All the more fun is the "warning" that appears as the movie starts. I guess someone was trying to defend the general sleazy fun of the movie by presenting it as cautionary tale for the ages. That makes me love this movie all the more! All hail the creators of DEATH GAME!!!

There is no way in hell this movie could ever be made today. A tip of the hat to Ms. Locke and Ms. Camp. No tip for Mr. Cassel -- you just know he was having too much fun in that tub and getting all tied up by those wacky bi-chicks! So, kids, next time your wife leaves you alone for the weekend -- don't let Sondra Locke and Colleen Camp into your home! Sure, they look like cute, wet, sweet free love hippie chicks, but they are actually perverted maniacs hellbent on destroying you for kicks! Actually, go ahead and let 'em in! Take a walk on the wild side.

The Final iPod Shuffle of 2005:
"Push It" by Garbage
"Hope There's Someone" by Antony & The Johnsons
"Moanin' Low by Babs Streisand
"Goodbye Cruel World" by Shakespear's Sister
"One Way Or Another" by Blondie
"Cry" by Godley & Creme
"Fucking on the Dance Floor" by Dirty Sanchez
"Hot Burrito" by Emmylou Harris


so, a friend emailed this picture to me as a joke but I rather like it! to me, it seems to be full of life, hope and fun! A good picture for the last day of 2005!

It has been an interesting year filled with some incredible lows but far more incredible highs! So many questions that need to be answered and journeys which need to be made! So much more life to live and explore. I felt a few desperate moments only to see the year end with one of the most thrilling experiences of my life at Christmas. Am still soaring from those 3 days of bliss --- even if they do turn out to be of the "well, we'll always have Paris" moments. I guess the point is, we did. And it was fucking awesome!

This was a year of major changes for me and it looks like the changes are continuing. It's a great ride and I can't wait to see what's waiting 'round the corner! Fingers crossed that two of the things waiting are love and a good job!

I am living in a place that often seems magical to me. And, sometimes seems kind of cruel. But, hey -- wasn't it like that over the rainbow? I mean the scarecrow was great but those flying monkeys were such a pain in the ass! Still, one must be true to the heart and fight the power! Hmmmm... Well, I didn't mean for that to come out quite so gay, but I hope you understand what I am trying to write/say.

Happy New Year -- and live it for all it's worth!

2006! Bring it on, baby!

Friday, December 30, 2005


Ok, so I am obsessed with
  • Dirty Sanchez. Not the 'act' of doing a dirty sanchez which we shall not discuss on this blog. That might be a bit much, but the new band. This band seems like a more up-to-date version of one of my old fave club bands of the 90's --- the Lords of Acid. ...with more than a little bit of DJ Hell and Miss Kittin influence. They totally rock!

    Check out their site and their vid clips! Awesome band. Can't wait for the full lenght CD!!! ...their maxi CD is out now and it is well worth the money if you like this type of music.

    If you're reading this on "my space" you will have to go to my blog space for the link and the pictures. I am not smart enough to figure out how to do that sort of thing on "my space"

    Oh, and I have to share my frustration with the homophobe or mean-spirted jerk who defaced the new KNOW HIV AIDS education campagin posters hanging up at the MUNI Church and Castro stations. Now, I am a little indifferent about this current educational poster. However, we live in a world that worships celebrity so maybe these will make some at risk folks think a bit and others think a bit, too. I think it is great that these performers/activists/celebs are donating their time and faces to this attempt at reaching people. Liz Taylor, Tom Hanks, Sharon Stone, et al -- rock!

    So, 2 weeks ago when I first noticed that someone had defaced a couple of these posters with arrows indicating that these celebs are going to Hell --- it pissed me off. ...but, now, 2 weeks later - the defaced posters are still hanging. Last week I thought to myself, "Well, I guess it's good that people can see the level of stupidity that is still walking around --- even in a city like ours where so many people are dealing with this horrific disease" ....but this week I am just annoyed that MUNI has not even bothered to either take the defaced posters down or replace them.

    So, tonight I spoke with one of the MUNI people in the glass cage and inquired about the fact that they are keeping homophobic grafiti up in stations where a good percentage of their customers are gay and liberal. I advised that it was not only a slap in the face to those of us who have lost friends/family to AIDS, but to those who are trying to help prevent further spread. Why haven't they been removed or replaced and when would someting be done about it.

    I got a minimal response which I could barely understand. A sort of disinterested mumble from the dude who makes $60K to sit in a glass cage. So, I offered to take them down for him to which I was told that this would be an illegal act. I then asked if it wasn't also illegal to deface MUNI posters. He stumbled but told me that this was also illegal.

    I ended up apologizing to the poor guy. It isn't his fault. He is just doing his job (and I can only imagine the horrors with which he must deal -- the MUNI workers earn their money) --- and it isn't his job to take down posters which have been ruined/mocked by idiot vandals.

    However, he told me I could send an email to MUNI. Yeah, that'll work.

    I told him I thought it might be better for me to write to the Chronicle and the Mayor's office. He then told me that he was going to call "the command center" to report it and to let them know he had received a complaint. I thanked him. ...but I still want to just rip the defaced posters down. Anarchy! Let's take it back!

    I mean, it is one thing for stupid kids to draw gross things on the poster for the new Jennifer Aniston movie --- but these posters are something all together different. They matter. They mean something and they are trying to reach people for the good of us all. I don't know. It just pisses me off.

    Ok, soap box is being pushed back into the corners of my mind and I am going to crank up some Dirty Sanchez!

  • Wednesday, December 28, 2005


    Well, my adventure came to a close this evening. It was a grande adventure and one that I will treasure always. Letting yourself go and just enjoying something that you would not normally even think of doing is liberating, exciting and worthy of self-examination. It was magic. I hope that this magic didn't end tonight, but I will always treasure the bit of magic I experiend. But, now it is time to re-focus, move forward, find a new job and continue on this wacky journey of life that continues to lead me to wonderful, odd, mysterious, sometimes horrible and more-often-than-not great places.

    ...and, remember, --- Taking a risk isn't scary, but quite often the failure to take the risk is horrific. Live it for all it's worth, kids. It might only be coming around once!

    Master D, thank you!

    Sunday, December 25, 2005


    Oh, yeah --- now, don't make too much fun of me but it was only recently upon listening to WinterWonderLand by Cocteau Twins that I realized that "parson brown" was not a color --- but a minister. ...and I still don't understand what "upsot" means from JingleBells. Maybe if Cocteau Twins had covered that one the meaning would have come to me.


    I took that Meyers-Briggs test once. I don't remember the exact results or my personality type or band or grouping or whatever, but the "bottom line" was that I am not the sort of person who is afraid to take chances. It put me in the "leader" role for whatever lame corporate excercise in which I was having to participate. But, I think the results were sort of accuate. I know that I can be a creature of habit --- but, I am never afraid of change or taking risks. The way I see it, life is too damn short to ever let insecurity or fear prevent you from doing somehing. Life's journey is an inexplicable one. And, really, that is the great thing about life. You don't want to be stupid and destructive, but you don't want to be too grounded or you'll never fly!

    Later this evening I am embarking on an adventure of sorts that I've been thinking about for quite a while! I am excited, nervous and more than a little restless. I just can't wait!!! No matter where this little adventure might lead -- I know I am going to have fun and am creating a memory that I will cherish. Not sure if I will ever really "blog" about it. But, if you're reading this and there is something you dream of doing or wanting --- don't let too much time slip before you go for it. Sure, you might trip up but so what? If you worry too much about what others think about you how will you ever know who you really are?

    Well, there must be some intelligence in what I just wrote. I'm just not articulate enough to get put it down right.

    Anyway, my roommate had a party last night and it was great! The kind of party I enjoy most. Just nice people (I don't like mean ones), some drinking/some not, mellow, laughing, talking and just kicking back and enjoying the moment. The last of the guests left a little after 1am. So, between trying to chill out and my excitement about this afternoon -- I don't think I got to sleep till well after 2:30am or later. Anyway, I sort of fell out of bed at 10am and then back into it at 11am. Just had some lunch, but my plans for the day need to be changed. I had figured I would take in a movie to kill some time, but now that it is close to 1:30pm I am worried I would be late getting to the airport.

    ...so, I just decided I would watch a DVD. And, I began to think -- what is the perfect Christmas Day movie? Mary Poppins? National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation? Bad Santa? Mommie Dearest? Valley of the Dolls? Beyond the Valley of the Dolls? Wizard of Oz? Funny Girl? Rocky Horror? 8 Femmes?

    ...no, I've decided it is the extraordinary Russ Meyer flick, FASTER, PUSSYCAT! KILL!...KILL! flimed in glorious black and blue!

    I am about to get comfortable in my baseball jersey and pj bottoms and watch Ms. Tura Satana kick some major ass. Local celeb and artist, Peaches Christ, was showing this brilliant film this past summer. I wanted to go, but was too new to the city to figure out the night owl bus schedules. So, the DVD will have to do!

    Then, I shall take a shower and run off to my adventure!

    ...and, I hope that everyone is having a great day and an adventure of some sort! ...not too much time! 2005 will be over soon!

    And playing on my iPod Shuffle when I first tried to get up this morning:

    "Angel" by Eurythmics
    "It's Late" by Stevie Nicks
    "Don't Be Light" by AIR
    "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division
    "Satellite of Love" by Lou Reed
    "Disney Girls" by Captain & Tennille
    "The Man I Love" by Arthur H.

    Saturday, December 24, 2005


    Happy Christmas!

    ...or Happy Holidays -- whatever floats your respective boat.

    This what my iPod shuffle played for me as I got caught up with all my fave blogs!

    "French Rock and Roll" by Black Box Recorder
    "Who Will Take Your Dreams Away" by Marianne Faithfull
    "Delicate" by Damien Rice
    "You Wanna Get Me High" by The Donnas
    "Her Lucille" by Helicopter Girl
    "Seven Years Ago" by Extra Fancy
    "Les Remparts" by Daho
    "Silent Night" by Stevie Nicks

    ...whatever happened to Extra Fancy? I always thought the lead singer would make for a great porn star. Just my opinion.

    Thursday, December 22, 2005

    CHRISTMAS 2006

    ...There's a bit of a romantic adventure coming my way for Christmas. I will not be blogging about it, but it is really making me look forward to the day --- which is really quite nice. There have also a major challenge headed my way as I will be unemployed again as of January 13th. But, it's OK. I am not worried. I've got a good feeling about it. Things happen for a reason and all will be falling into place.

    Anyway, I had a nice evening hanging out with my pal, Milford. We went high end and shopped at Target in San Bruno. I picked up the new Mary J. Blige CD for $9! ...and a bottle of Diet Coke, a can of soup and some socks. Milford bought a lot! Then we had our almost ritual weekly dinner at Red Robyns where I ate waaaaaaay too much and still feel kind of ill. But, it was fun!

    So, here this is the time of year where my mind always turns to my Grandmother. I miss her. I always wonder what she would think of me and where I am at now almost 10 years since she passed on. I often miss her advice, her sense of humor and her odd comments.

    ...my favorite photo of my Grandmother

    This is also that time of the year when we all send holiday cards to each other. I didn't receive as many as usual, but I have found 21 in my mail box thus far and that has filled up my shelves. I love all of the cards which were sent to me, but these two really got me -- made me homesick for Boston... I'm going to blink and these beautiful kids are going to be in college!

    Have ya ever seen sweeter kids?!?!?

    Same for this little one --- and doesn't his mom give great xmas card!?!?!

    My Life. My Card.

    Imagine me in a black and white photo in which I am either looking out the San Francisco sky line or slouched over in an oversized sweater brushing my teeth… Meanwhile, this picture of me standing in the Stonestown Cinema mirror will have to do.

    My Name: Matt

    Childhood Ambition: To find a way to live in Jeanie’s way cool bottle!

    Fondest Memory: As a child, lying with my head in my Grandmother’s lap as we listened to records on her “Victrola” as she liked to call her stereo.

    Soundtrack: Simply Barbra!

    Retreat: In the sacred darkness of the cinema with my popcorn and Diet Coke

    Wildest Dream; To fall into love and know that the person is just as in love with me as I am in him.

    Proudest Moment: The day I got out of Texas for good!

    Biggest Challenge; Hmmmm… Either over coming the trauma of much of my childhood or sitting through that movie Mel Gibson made about Jesus getting tortured for 3 hours.

    Alarm Clock; Space age looking Dream Machine by Sony.

    Perfect Day: Being lazy on a Sunday in bed with my lover kissing for hours while Nina Simone or Billie Holiday CD’s play. Quiet sighs and moans… Perfect,

    First Job: Working at a donut shop which turned out to be a cover for major drug dealing operation. I felt so cool.

    Indulgence: Movies, music, ---- in the form of going to the cinema and owning far too many CD’s/DVD’s. That, or chocolate.

    Last Purchase: DVD of a great documentary called PUT THE CAMERA ON ME.

    Favorite Movie: Toss up between Altman’s NASHVILLE, 3 WOMEN and Allen’s MANHATTAN. All 3 are perfect in my book.

    Inspiration; love, love, love and even more love

    My Life: …is an open book waiting for more chapters of adventure.

    My Card: Well, it was AmEx but they made me cut it in half. Oh well.

    Monday, December 19, 2005

    ...one of the best bad movies of all time!


    Well, that's when his head really started to ache

    "I'm God,"
    she said.
    "Now, what can I do ya?"
    Her voice both warm and shril.

    Fighting the urge for redemption,
    Bob placed his order.

    "Would ya care for fries or a baked spud?"

    Longing for starches,
    Bob mumured, "Both."

    "That'll cost ya extra, but it can be done,"
    God replied with a smile.

    "And, if isn't too much trouble, please make my steak
    for he liked the taste of blood.

    "And to drink?"

    "I'll have a Coke," Bob answered.

    The angel at the grill heaved a heavy sigh.

    God blushed, swallowed her pride and asked
    "Is Pepsi OK?"

    by matt

    Sunday, December 18, 2005


    The end of 2005 approaches. Many changes made in my life. Turned 39, left New England for the breeze of San Francisco and got myself back into physical shape. The journey contines and I can't wait to see what's coming next! And, even tho the year's not quite over and there is a Woody Allen movie that the critics are calling his return to form --- but, I've heard that before. I think I know what I felt was the best of the year. Just my opinion, but here are my picks for what impressed me in the areas of film and music. There were many other works I liked and enjoyed, but these are the ones that stuck with me thru the year. There is really no order -- I liked them all and I struggle with the concept that we should even have to declare one work the very best. Very favorite seems more appropriate.

    At the movies:

    ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW --- Miranda July's "little" movie turned me off when I first saw it, but I could not stop thinking about it and the characters she created. At the end of the day, I loved this movie. In fact, it is my favorite of the year.
    It is a bit forced at times and I guess it carries a sort of idealistic hope in humanity, but I like that. I would not change a frame. I also felt this movie presented a very clear and realistic portrayl of children as children really are. I think our society is very uncomfortable with the idea that children are sexual beings. Not sexualized and not exploited, but July dares to create characters who are children who live and operate in a world filled with sexual energy. As we get older we forget that we have always been sexual creatures -- we just didn't understand those feelings or the implications involved. This movie reminds us what it is like to be human at all the stages in life: childhood, 30 something's, 40 somethings and the terror we all experience at growing old --- and the desire to not do that alone. This is sweet but somehow bold movie about navigating in a harsh world without losing heart or the fear of living and taking chances. Excellent and it deserved a bigger audience! It just came out on DVD. Rent it!

    OLDBOY -- From Korean film director/writer, Park Chan-wook --- this is actually the second in his revenge triliogy and it took over 2 years to find a US distributor --- It is a brilliant, dark, funny, controversial and disturbing puzzle of a movie.

    Choi Min-sik gives an astounding performance as a man who suffers at the hands of a sadistic and damaged younger man for something he did --- that he can no longer remember. A surprise at every turn. This is a hard one to explain, but it gave me a feeling of exhileration I've not experienced since 1986 when I saw Dennis Hopper in David Lynch's BLUE VELVET. This film is a total original and I cringe knowing that we will have an American-ized version headed out way next year! That is so wrong! This is the version to see!

    MYSTERIOUS SKIN -- Gergg Araki got serious and adult on our ass --- and it worked. One of the rare times I can think of when a film actually improved an already great novel. It is my opinion that Joseph Gordon-Levitt gave the most impressive performance of the year in this brilliant film. Brave, uncompromising and painfully real in every frame. I doubt I will ever watch this one again, but I will never forget it. Probably far too harsh for the stuffy and rather superficial OSCARS to notice, but they should.

    2046 -- This one took a year or two to reach the US, but it was well worth the wait and I was so psyched when it got a distributor. Tho, presented as a sequel of sorts to the unforgettable IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE, this film from Kar Wai Wong is really more of a mediation on the dangers of heartbreak and desire. Not reallly all that connected to the first film, but much better in so many ways! Worth seeing for Christopher Doyle's cinematography alone. Beautifully sad and tragic!

    THE DEVIL'S REJECTS -- Rob Zombie knows his film history and created a really violent sort of opera. I went in expecting another camp classic along the lines of HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES, but discovered a twisted classic. A sort of rollercoaster of horror and a great use of classic 70's rock! Can't wait to see what he does next!

    3 IRON -- Korean bad boy director, Kim Ki-duk's odd and very sensual film offers little in plot. But the dream like trance is so fucking awesome! See it!

    PALINDROMES -- The film critic from Paper Magazine called this a cinematic bitch slap. I like that description! Todd Solondz continues to make really disturbingly funny and horrific films about middle class culture. It is my opinion that Jennifer Jason Leigh gave the most impressive performance by an actress of the year in this movie. ...and she managed to do this with only approx 7 or 8 minutes of screen time. I love this movie even if Solondz did kill off Dawn Wiener --- this is a sort of sequel to WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE and it opens at the funeral of poor Dawn. This is a perfect movie!

    CAPOTE -- Sad and powerful look at the selling of a soul for a great book. Exceptional in every way!!!

    JUNEBUG/THUMBSUCKER --- Both are quirky little comedies that hit on some pretty serious topics. I like them both even if they were both flawed. Just great movies.

    HUSTLE & FLOW -- I never thought I would see a realistic film about a pimp who exploits and sells women --- and not only like it, but feel empathy for the pimp. Great movie.

    HIDDEN -- from Michael Haneke. It has not played in San Franciso as of yet. I've not seen it. But, I know I will love it. So, I am listing it. French family starts receiving mysterious video tapes of their activities and things will naturally take a turn for the odd/twisted in no time! I would bet it isn't as brilliant as The Piano Teacher, but it will be amazing. I'd bet money on it!

    THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT --- A really perfect movie. Void of silly subplots -- this is a powerful little film and more "current" than we want to admit. George Clooney made an excellent movie!!!

    BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN --- Yeah, I can't say I enjoyed it, but it is just too well made to not make my list. Sad, sad and frustrating --- but great.

    JESUS IS MAGIC/THE ARISTOCRATS -- Sick, foul and just wrong on so many levels --- these two movies made me laugh so hard I cried. I am counting the days for the arrival of the DVD's!!!! Must sees if you like to laugh and know how to check all of your PC sensibilities at the door. Sarah Silverman delivered the best line uttered in any movie this year when she tells her confused audience, "I don't care if you think I'm racist as long as you think I'm thin." ....pushing the envelope has never been so much fun!

    ...and in my CD Player

    Once again, no particular order -- I've played all of these 2005 CD's so much I am surprised the laser didn't burn thru them by now.

    Aerial by Kate Bush --- from washing the laundry to speaking the language of birds, Ms. Bush rocks my aural world.

    Supernature by Goldfrapp --- electronica + disco + kink. ....this is Kylie gone very bad and very nasty! Their best album yet!

    I Am A Bird Now by Antony and the Johnsons --- Somehow both sad and happy. I never tire of this CD. And, what a great cover shot of Candy Darling, don't ya think?!?!?

    Witching Hour by Ladytron -- Just so fucking cool.

    Actually, beyond cool. Electro-cool. Hella-cool. Too cool for school. Buy it.

    Dynamite by Jamiroquai -- Yeah, he steals from every great R&B act of the 70's, but he steals it all so well! Great album!!! ...and, as always cute in silly hats!

    Mysterious Skin (soundtrack) by Robin Gutherie and Harold Budd -- a sort of 4AD wet dream! Great floating music and as close as one can get to a Cocteau Twins worthy sound. Not your average soundtrack in any way!!!

    Guilty Pleasures by Barbra Streisand/Barry Gibb -- Did anyone think I would fail to list it?!?!? Please! Sigh. Like disco butta!

    So, there were many films and CD's that I liked this year -- but the above were my favorites. Can't wait for the new David Lynch and I heard that Portishead may return in '06!!! ...and my fave actress, Isabelle Huppert has over 4 movies in production for release next year. Yay!

    Saturday, December 17, 2005


    So, I was just following our president's advice regarding the positives of eavesdropping. I was listening in on the conversation between these two attractive men who were sharing a piece of cake at my fave cafe while I picked at a sandwich (decided I wasn't all that hungry after I got it) --- Anyway, I digress. I became interested when I heard the taller of the two talking about his concern regarding the shorter guy's investment. The shorter guy made it quite clear that he had invested at least $45K in just the past year.


    I scraped off the pesto from the bread, but then decided to just discard the bread all together. I deposited it on the tray. I don't like bread and pesto, judging by the scent, must have garlic in it. I'm alergic, you know.

    Then the tall guy said something that sort of caught my interest. He stressed that he felt he was worth more than a lousy $45K and sex once a week. I thought these two men were discussing a business deal but they were actually having a serious and "heart" felt discussion about their relationship. Essentially, they were breaking up but didn't want to ruin the holidays for their families so they were discussing how they would make the next 3 weeks work.

    It was painfully clear that they were not in love --- and even more painful -- I don't think either of these two guys knew how to love, but they certainly knew their labels and spending habits.

    Granted, I was just a busybody listening in on a very private conversation ...as were approx another 7 gay men. They were not exactly being discreet. But, their relationship sounded like a business arrangement. At one point one of them (I think it was the short one) said something like, "Had I known this was going to happen I would have never agreed to pitch in on your sister's gift last year. I think it only fair that we discuss that with the lawyer"

    ...this guy sitting to my right started laughing and blurted out -- "This is so tragic and romantic!" (ouch)

    This caused at least half of the cafe "audience" to laugh. I knocked some of the lettuce off the tray and on to the table. I tried to clean it up. The gay KRAMER vs. KRAMER Gay Re-dux Tragedy was clearly pissed, got up and left.

    Then, this really big guy (who was at the same table as the loud guy) asked me if he could come over and join me in in playing with my sandwich. His arms scared me. They were huge! Steroid much? I could feel my face blush and I told him that playing with my sandwich wasn't as fun as it looked. He laughed, leaned over and put his finger in the pesto and tasted it. "Tastes good to me!" ...the guy who had blurted out the comment to the committed life partners let out a "Whoo! It is getting hot in here" ...and everyone around me started laughing.

    I felt sooooo self-conscious! ...and, normally I never feel self-conscious. I tried to hand Mr. Clean my plate and he looked confused. I was confused, too. Why was I handing him my plate? I think, at that moment, my thought was he maybe wanted the sandwich.

    I thought I was going to cry. Now, it is funny, but I just wanted to find a rock and crawl under it.

    So, was this hulk coming on to me or making fun of me? I was just so embarassed. Another unusual feeling for me.

    Not wanting to run away like some sad sack kid in the lunch room --- I tried to be "cool" about the way I slipped my hoodie back on - but I forgot that my cell and iPod were in the pockets and they fell on the floor. The big guy tried to help me pick them up and our head knocked into each other. More laughs. I think I said "thanks" --- I just wanted to run away!!! I picked up my tray and headed toward the front of the cafe. Someone said, "You don't have to leave" --- I didn't look to see who said it, but just said I was really late. Which was not true.

    This goes up there with one of my more awkward moments. Just thought I would share my humilation with the WWW.

    ...I should have just gone to see KING KONG as originally planned. But, 3 hours to watch a giant monkey and a blonde girl just seemed too much. Well, lessons learned. Right?

    OH --- Check
    ...share your thoughts on what makes a work of art 'gay' or is that even correct?

  • Sometimes when you look back on things that you've written you wonder, What was going on? Where did that come from? But, every once in a while I will stumble across something that remains freshly with me. This is one of those bits of writing. Tho, I wrote it over 13 years ago -- I can remember this feeling as if it were just yesterday... I wrote this in my journal on a morning during my first of many visits to PTown. I think we were at The Boatsliip, but I'm not sure. Funny what one remembers and one forgets.

    now, lying naked, lovely and alone
    his scent still lingering on me and my pillows
    i roll over to embrace his former
    --- down
    pulling the damp sheets over my head,
    i take it all in
    ...just trying to stay warm
    in this summer of the boy.

    Friday, December 16, 2005


    Maybe it was from listening to a mix of B52's and Barbra as I read Patti Smith's latest collection of poems, "Auguries of Innocence" --- or maybe it was some residue from that article I read by Rob Zombie in Film Comment magazine. Whatever the cause I had a very troubling dream.

    I dreamt I had wild sex with Michael Jackson.

    And I liked it. ...In the dream, I mean. I was so disgusted when I woke up. Night terrors. He kept making this odd little sound as we got it on. And, I kept being bothered by the strong scent of peppermint and cotton candy.

    He asked me if I could cal him "Bubbles" --- the worst part is I ran my fingers thru his hair and said, "You can call me anything you like, baby"


    Then I managed to fall back into sleep. I had yet another dream from Hell. I dreamt that I was "there" as Scavullo was taking pix of Babs and Kris for A STAR IS BORN promotion and LP art. I was asked to assist the make-up artist and apply powder to Barbra's chest as Fancisco felt it was too shiny in the lights. I felt small and declined, but was then advised that I had no choice. Barbra would not let the make-up lady anywhere near her breast area. I was so nervous.

    I walked up to them. They were both sharing little secrets with each other, but I could Kristofferson stank of Jack Daniels. I then realized that I was only 9 years old as this was the summer of 1976 and my fingers couldn't fit around the powder bowl. It slipped out of my hands. I showered Barbra with powder. She was covered. She let out this primal scream that filled my head --- then I woke up. Luckily, it was time to get up anyway.

    I still violated and quite vulnerable...

    Thursday, December 15, 2005


    ...disco blow job

    So, I am sure everyone has plans for New Year's Eve, but what about the early part of the afternoon? What about 3pm or even 7pm, maybe? I've got my fingers crossed that my best pal, Milford, is free that part of the day. ...because The Castro is screening a new print of SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER!!!! And, I MUST be there. And, it would suck to watch all that disco glory and tragedy alone. And, John Travolta was so hot in 1977!

    Anyway, it is an EVENT to assist in the closing of 2005 --- if you ask me!

    oh, give me that night fever, night fever -- you know how to do it!

    Oh! And, my brother got to attend the opening of a special gallery showing dedicated to photos of my fave actress, Isabelle Huppert! And, there is a book of all!!!! And, he got it for me as Christmas gift! I am so excited. You know I could stare at Ms. Huppert for hours on end and never get bored. What a face!


    I swear. My iPod is magical when I press the "shuffle" song function. Is it because I got the pretty pink one?

    Here is the musical start of my day:

    "Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis" -- Tom Waits
    "Eggs And Their Shells" --- Cocteau Twins
    "Ashes to Ashes" --- David Bowie
    "Somewhere" --- Tom Waits
    "Glass Onion" -- The Beatles
    "Linus & Lucy" -- Vince Guaraldi Trio
    "For All We Know --- Babs Streisand
    "Pretty In Pink" -- The Psch Furs
    "Chocolate Jesus" -- Tom Waits

    I'm sorry, but I think that was an incredible start to the day! What is it about Tom Waits that so touches me? I don't quite understand, but I love his work. And, I'm sorry --- but that tired, whiskey/cig burned, world weary and desperate rasp of a voice singing Sondheim just makes sense. It is a combination of pure magic. And, it is so rare for an artist to continue to grow and experiment as they move thru his/her career and still maintain a visible presence. I mean my ipod picked songs that were decades apart. I believe I believe "Chocolate Jesus" is from the Mule Variations CD (1999/2000) but the other tracks are from back in 1978/1979. And each track is just as fresh as the other. Tom Waits will go to the grave creative, orginal and mysterious. And, on top of everything else he has that dirty/ugly/sexy thing happening. ...romeo is bleeding.

    My brother actually called me yesterday! He continues to make me so proud. His art career is really taking off --- soon he will take Manhattan! Anyway, he met some up and coming artist who is dating a German actress whom he got to meet. I do believe that the actress is Hanna Schygulla (One of the great Fassbinder muses) --- so jealous!!!

    As I am doing my best to get my crap together --- my goal is to have my own apartment by the spring -- I announced to my friends that I was not doing the whole holiday gift thing this year. But, my friends are so sweet --- I continue to receive gifts at the mail center. I feel so loved but also quite guilty. Oy! A pal in Texas sent me the DVD of WHEN A STRANGER CALLS! A movie that totally freaked me out when I was a kid! Can't wait to watch it! Haven't seen it since I was a teenager. Wonder if it will still freak me out. "The call is coming from inside the house!" ...poor Carol Kane! ...who so totally rules.

    Some things in my life are sucking right now, but some things are showing great promise. So, as I hear many Californians say -- "It's all good" I can't write about it because I am certain it will be cursed if I do. And I can't write about what sucks for fear that the wrong person will read it and I will be screwed. Not even sure I am writing this at all. This is a free form blog, you know.
    This is blogging my way, boys and girls!

    Oh, I came across a really cool blog, well worth checking out! Along with my pal, "Dessie"
    I've added "ing" --
  • I Smell Bear
    to my links!

  • Wednesday, December 14, 2005


    Remember Luscious Jackson? I loved them. I thought they were so cool, but they never quite caught on. I guess. By the time they did their most recent CD there were only 3 members of the band left. I miss them.

    come back to the five and dime, Luscious Jackson, Luscious Jackson...

    And I have to stop listening to Cocteau Twins for a little while. They are all I've played since the weekend.

    Well, BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN was exceptionally well done. However, I just couldn't enjoy it. I mean -- so much repression! I hate repression. It annoys me. Following all the rules of society. That is just wrong. While my gay brothers were on the verge of tears I was just sitting there looking at the screen thinking, "Losers! Get a grip!" ...but I know it is a great film and Heath Ledger gives an amazing performance. Tho, I still feel that Joseph Gordon-Levitt did the best work this year in MYSTERIOUS SKIN. I guess that movie was just too harsh for a lot of people to take. And, I was blown away by Philip Seymour Hoffman as CAPOTE. But, Mr. Ledger was exceptional.

    Big thanks to Milford for getting me and Mark tickets!!!

    Oh, I'm seeing Mark Morris this Friday thanks to Milford! Can't wait!

    Well, this is a very exciting post. Sorry! I shall try to come up with something of a more interesting next time!

    Night, kids!

    Monday, December 12, 2005


    Julia "Jill" Davis is new hero for me! This joke is sick, twisted, cruel, wrong and just so damned funny! The ending of the series surprised even me and I am pretty jaded when it comes to dark humor! I can't imagine BBC America getting away with showing this! But, I do hope they try and don't edit it too much!

    Has anyone else seen this masterpiece of comic timing? No wonder she was able to get one of The League of Gentlemen to participate! I'm trying to figure out what part of England the show is supposed to be in. The West Country? Where is that?

    I see that Julia Davis did another series prior to this one for BBC calld Human Remains -- am going to be checking it out soon!!!!

    If anyone knows anymore about her or this show, please share!

    Saturday, December 10, 2005


    ...pondering mimi's emancipation

    A cool new friend of mine, who I ran into this morning as he stood in a line with approximately 25,000 other homosexual men waiting for the cinema to open so each could secure his ticket to see Heath and Jake get it on on BAREBACK, uh -- BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (sorry, can't help it!), recently told me that I HAD to get over my annoyance with Mariah Carey and check out her latest CD, "The Imancipation of Mimi" --- which has gotten a great many positive music reviews and has sold a zillion copies. He convinced me that if I could see past the vocal aerobics I would embrace my Inner Mimi.

    So, when I saw it on sale for $9.99 I picked it up. The production values are quite good and I like the general HipHop vibe, but that voice just doesn't seem to match the music. It seems like I should hear a more soulful voice -- say one Ms. Mary J. Blige who I love! Somehow Mariah seems like she is in the wrong genre or something. I don't know. Maybe I've become too old or white. It is not a bad album and she isn't holding butterflies or wearing roller skates on the cover, but it just doesn't work for me. ...Sorry, Jaime -- but I will continue to listen to it as I've rippied it to my iPod. Oh, new Mary J. Blige for 12/20!!!!

    But, I digress. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN is totally sold out for the weekend in San Francisco. I swear -- the line of gay men started at the first door of the Embacadero cinema all the way to the ice skating rink! One would have thought that Margaret Cho was about to give a concert! But, no --- just Heath and jake as gay cowboys. My pal, Thomas, has pondered what cowboys of the early 60's would have used for lube. I hear that Jake is the 'bottom' of the romance. I wonder if that came up in research?

    can my wall get any more gay?!?!?!?

    Anyway, I hear that the film is a masterpiece of modern cinema. I am looking forward to seeing it. Maybe this Tuesday night. If Milford, Mark and I go --- we need to buy our tix tomorrow or we probably won't get in. I think it only opened in LA, NYC and San Francisco. This really sweet, sexy and generally perfect guy I am getting to know who lives in LA told me it was sold out there as well. ...but, like jaime, he got his tix in advance. Sigh. Everone is saying it is a beautiful film. Ang Lee has only ever let me down once. But, I think HULK was just a way to make some money. All is forgiven. Plus that lead actor was really hot.

    Friday night I stepped off the MUNI "M" train to quite a lovely site. There is a rather scary package store about a block from our house. I always fear I am going to get shot whenever I walk past it. Anyway, it really came as no great surprise when I found 8 cop cars, a huge man pushed face down in handcuffs on the pavement infront of the store and a slimmer young man handcuffed to the utility pole as all the cops walked about taking notes and pictures. It was such a cool photo op that I pulled out my trusty cell phone for a picture for my blog when a hulking cop stormed over to me before I could even press "capture" and said, "No pictures, Sir. Please move along."


    Well, I walked a few feet and asked a frightened looking little woman about what had gone down and she told me, in broken english (and really is there any better form?) that the big guy had tried to shoot the skinny guy but missed and the bullet had hit the building --- and, i think, the owner (her english lost me a bit at this point) of the package store must have come out with his gun and told them both to stay put as he called the cops. Hmmm...

    Another fun evening in Ingleside!! Really, it isn't all that bad here. It is a pretty nice area but there are still some members of the hood who just don't wanna play nice. I think they should close that package store and open up a Pottery Barn -- that would get everybody with the program!

    Today I decided to do what little holiday shopping I need to do. We're doing one of those "secret santa" things at the office. I pulled the name of a very sweet young lady who adores anything of Walt Disney origin. I was going to just get a gift card, but a member of my staff convinced me that I should just go to the Disney store and get her something with more of a personal touch. My ex always warned me of the dangers to be found in a Disney store during the holidays. He wasn't wrong. I feel safer outside the package store at midnight than in that Disney store. Manic children and even more manic parents all wearing shits covered with cartoon characters. And, there was barely any room to move. It was so noisy I missed a rather important phone call from someone with whom I really wanted to chat. But, I was quite disoriented in this sort of multi-colored cult.

    Now, I can go to a club, bar or a party and no one will bat an eye at me -- but send me on public transit, to a store, for a walk down the street, to a cafe -- and, now, to a Disney store and I get hit on from all directions. Seriously. I don't understand it, but it is true. And, I don't know what to do anymore because the guys in San Francisco really come on strong. How am I meant to respond. This cute child who works for the cult of Disney approached me. He flirted with abandon. I did "that" smile that probably conveys my confusion. Anyway, he began to tease me when he realized that the only characters of Disney I knew were Mickey, his biatch, that depressed donkey and Winnie the Pooh. I was just not exposed to child appropriate entertainment when I was a kid. But this "child" turned out to be 28. He offered to pick out a good gift if I gave him my number. I told him that I needed to see how good the gift was first. (I wasn't giving him my number!) -- but he picked out a cute gift that I think she will enjoy. Then I told him I couldn't give him my number because I was old enough to be his father -- then he told me he was 28. So, i guess he wasn't TOO young, but no number was given.

    Then I proceeded to Tower to pick up something for two other friends. I got their gifts and then spotted something which I did not know existed! 4AD has just released a 4 CD box set retrospective of Cocteau Twins called "Lullabies of Violaine" ...the package is pretty, but cheap. However, that is cool because the cost is really pretty low -- approx $9 a CD.

    Yes, kids, I bought it for myself. Ugh! I MUST stop spending money!!!

    Anyway, my head hurts but there are about 20 holiday cards I need to fill out. I am just not sure my holiday cards are going out this year. I am just so lazy about it. It does not seem like Christmas to me. Not cold enough. No snow.

    Oh, and I tried on some clothes at Paul Frank. I wanted all of them, but they were just too much money. I am a man on a budget (minus Cocteau Twins CD box sets) --- so, if there are any clothes to be purchased it will be funky thrift shop wear which I honestly rather like or H&M.

    Well, that is my rambling for the weekend!

    I hope you have all had a great weekend!

    Thursday, December 08, 2005


    ...for me there are so many images that cinema has burned into my head that I could probably never even count them. They are almost random, but somehow play a part of my life. The power of film is not only in the telling of the story, the production values, the music, the camera work, the acting -- it is also in the feeling that is that left behind.

    A bit out of focus, perhaps. But the images are there -- seared into my being. And, I mean this in a very positive way. These are but a few films that have stayed with me.

    There are so many more, but when this thought crossed my mind these were the first that surfaced. ...but there are so many others -- the wicked witch trying to touch Dorothy's ruby slippers, Woody Allen and Diane Keaton sitting on a park bench in Gordon Willis black and white, Martin Sheen rising from the mud, Barbra Streisand biting Kris Kristofferson's lip in a moment mixed of passion, love and absolute anger, Holly Woodland desperately clinging to a bottle, Ann-Margret whipping Roger Daltrey with her beyond belief red hair, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!", Patty Duke lip syncing her heart out, Marlon Brando fighting against the insanity of Vivian Leigh's sadness, Brad Davis leaning seductively against a post, Diane Keaton taking her final gasps of breath as the strobe light blinks, Christina Ricci dancing in a spotlight of blue in a bowling alley, Nicholas Cage and Laura Dern watching a girl die in the darkness of the dessert, PJ Soles and Bill Murray on a stove top, Albert Brooks dying as Goldie Hawn giveas him head in her bridal gown, Warren Beatty blow drying hair, Jack Nicholson and Jessica Lange on the kitchen table, Jeff Bridges running from the cave while trying to zip up his fly, River Phoenix confessing his love to a wooden Keanu Reeves, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton screaming as Sandy Dennis squirms, Juliette Lewis screaming like a banshee in a bloodied roadside dinner, Jennifer Jason-Leigh breaking your heart as she tries to outsing her sister, Judd Nelson ridiculing a perfect the prom queen, Karen Black taking control of the airplane, Lily Tomlin's awakening as a Keith Carradine sings that he's easy, Glenn Close brooding as she turns the lamp on and off, Faye Dunaway and Mickey Rourke stealing corn, Shelley Duvall singing "He's Large" --- the list could go on and on.

    ...it's all rather magical. ...the cinema.