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Saturday, December 17, 2005


So, I was just following our president's advice regarding the positives of eavesdropping. I was listening in on the conversation between these two attractive men who were sharing a piece of cake at my fave cafe while I picked at a sandwich (decided I wasn't all that hungry after I got it) --- Anyway, I digress. I became interested when I heard the taller of the two talking about his concern regarding the shorter guy's investment. The shorter guy made it quite clear that he had invested at least $45K in just the past year.


I scraped off the pesto from the bread, but then decided to just discard the bread all together. I deposited it on the tray. I don't like bread and pesto, judging by the scent, must have garlic in it. I'm alergic, you know.

Then the tall guy said something that sort of caught my interest. He stressed that he felt he was worth more than a lousy $45K and sex once a week. I thought these two men were discussing a business deal but they were actually having a serious and "heart" felt discussion about their relationship. Essentially, they were breaking up but didn't want to ruin the holidays for their families so they were discussing how they would make the next 3 weeks work.

It was painfully clear that they were not in love --- and even more painful -- I don't think either of these two guys knew how to love, but they certainly knew their labels and spending habits.

Granted, I was just a busybody listening in on a very private conversation ...as were approx another 7 gay men. They were not exactly being discreet. But, their relationship sounded like a business arrangement. At one point one of them (I think it was the short one) said something like, "Had I known this was going to happen I would have never agreed to pitch in on your sister's gift last year. I think it only fair that we discuss that with the lawyer"

...this guy sitting to my right started laughing and blurted out -- "This is so tragic and romantic!" (ouch)

This caused at least half of the cafe "audience" to laugh. I knocked some of the lettuce off the tray and on to the table. I tried to clean it up. The gay KRAMER vs. KRAMER Gay Re-dux Tragedy was clearly pissed, got up and left.

Then, this really big guy (who was at the same table as the loud guy) asked me if he could come over and join me in in playing with my sandwich. His arms scared me. They were huge! Steroid much? I could feel my face blush and I told him that playing with my sandwich wasn't as fun as it looked. He laughed, leaned over and put his finger in the pesto and tasted it. "Tastes good to me!" ...the guy who had blurted out the comment to the committed life partners let out a "Whoo! It is getting hot in here" ...and everyone around me started laughing.

I felt sooooo self-conscious! ...and, normally I never feel self-conscious. I tried to hand Mr. Clean my plate and he looked confused. I was confused, too. Why was I handing him my plate? I think, at that moment, my thought was he maybe wanted the sandwich.

I thought I was going to cry. Now, it is funny, but I just wanted to find a rock and crawl under it.

So, was this hulk coming on to me or making fun of me? I was just so embarassed. Another unusual feeling for me.

Not wanting to run away like some sad sack kid in the lunch room --- I tried to be "cool" about the way I slipped my hoodie back on - but I forgot that my cell and iPod were in the pockets and they fell on the floor. The big guy tried to help me pick them up and our head knocked into each other. More laughs. I think I said "thanks" --- I just wanted to run away!!! I picked up my tray and headed toward the front of the cafe. Someone said, "You don't have to leave" --- I didn't look to see who said it, but just said I was really late. Which was not true.

This goes up there with one of my more awkward moments. Just thought I would share my humilation with the WWW.

...I should have just gone to see KING KONG as originally planned. But, 3 hours to watch a giant monkey and a blonde girl just seemed too much. Well, lessons learned. Right?

OH --- Check
    ...share your thoughts on what makes a work of art 'gay' or is that even correct?


    Blogger thomas said...

    Now, hon, you have lived a day in my life. Except that exceptionally well built men seldom try to eat my food. But I’d let them if they did. Otherwise though, I am always being embarrassed by the stupid things I do. And please, if you want to have a serious bout of comic relief, just videotape one of my dates.

    7:39 PM  
    Blogger Caress said...


    I'm so glad I'm not the only one that this happens to!! I feel like Susan Mayer in a bad episode of Desperate Housewives as a bad situation is made only worse by my klutziness!
    You've brightened up my day Matt!

    5:23 AM  
    Blogger Tim said...

    Ouch! Oh Matty, I feel for you. I HATE those awkward moments, it's not so bad if nobody else hears, but when you have an audience ..... yiyiyiyi. But, at least you can look back and laugh/wince, so that's something.

    5:23 PM  
    Blogger Lubin said...

    Oh Matt. You are such a darling. What a lovely touching/funny story.

    3:26 AM  

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