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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

The Importance of Blow Jobs

So, how important is a good blow job? Does human value go up if one is able to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch or does it matter more to just do the old suck-n-swallow without much fanfare? Or is the big lead on to the moment of release the most important?

I was thinking a lot about it today.

Sort of analyzing how blow job is a lot like life and work. The deeper one takes it and the more hot luv swallowed --- the more power you are perceived to have. Sort of like ---- to be a key player one has to be able to handle the really big swallow.

This hidden coverage of my day at the office. Over all, it was sort of like giving charity blow jobs all day. Maybe a hand-job would be a better analogy.

Anyway, all and all it wasn't a good day. Sometimes, a lot of times, blowing can be fine ---- but sometimes it can just be so worrying.

Floss, anyone?

I apologize for my sloppy and cryptic post. But, hey --- it is my bit of space!

your fave blow monkey!
matt

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Unusual Sites I Have Discovered

I have stumbled across some interesting sites as of late and thought I would share them with those of you who may stumble upon my little bit of space!

Really cute guys! Check them out! …soon. Am thinking about subscribing just for the hell of it!

Sweet Action to Come


I LOVE afro hairstyles --- Seriously, I do. Anyway, check this out!

Afro Hair Show!!


For the lazy transvestite who just does not have time to do her make-up!

Put Your Mask On!


...now, do not be too frightened ---

Scary!



It is just a world of leather fashion and one just has to love it!

Whitaker Malem


This site provides access to some way-cool toys --- most of which I do want badly.

Toys Matt Needs!!


I am unable to think of why one would really want this, but it is really kind of cool!

Loud Machine


Like a car wreck --- you sort of have to look --- and check out that snazzy shirt!

Pam’s Shirt


This scares me, but makes me very curious --- your Asian Plastic Lover Boy! Maybe we all need one!

Asian Doll!


Cool web site and store!

Bean Wax


Make-up for men! I think this is like base for men…?

Color Lotion


Another cool site and store! Art is Rat spelled backward…

Rat



Uh, Oh --- Pissed-Off and Damned Angry!

Just had to put up one more little post. My better half, Karl, is really pissed off! ...And rightly so! Check out his blog! Also, check out our dinner from last night! ...So very Cher --- and I mean this in a very good way. I loved her MERMAID finger food meals! Also, please check out the picture he has posted of us. My teeth look yellow. Like really yellow.

I am now convinced that I must haul my fat ass off to "Brite Smile" this Saturday and get my teeth zapped brite white! Please tell me that the lighting was just bad on the photo!!! Please! Would Karl and my friends allow me to walk around with teeth this yellow???? I hope not!!!

Oh, and be sure and ask Karl about The Monkees. Apparently, back in the late 80's when they enjoyed a brief resurgence ---- he thought that they were a new group. For some reason when I asked him to clarify this today he got almost as upset with me as he is with our lame ass governor!

Oh! I almost forgot --- I also have found myself addicted to the personals section of Disinformation!! I like to go in and select various sexes and various zip codes to see what pops up. Warning --- it can be addictive, but loads and loads of fun! One doesn’t even have to create a profile to jump in and look at other profiles. Don’t get the wrong idea --- am not responding to anyone as a fake person or making fun. I just enjoy seeing all of the profiles by zip code. I can do a search as a woman looking to meet a man in a Texas zip code. Or I can do a search as a woman looking for a woman in Ohio or I can search as a man looking for a man in Idaho! Just too much fun!

Wussed-Out

Well, I only made it to 2:30PM at work today. Felt really drained all morning, but was happy to be back to work. ...Go figure! ha! No, but it was so nice to be out of the house and thinking again! Anyway, after lunch I grew kind of sick to the stomach and by 2:00PM I was feeling rather light-headed.

So, I gave up and took a cab home. Still, I was able to get through most of my emails and figure I might be good for the full day tomorrow!

However, I must note that it does seem that everything that comes my way in a medical sense seems to hit me harder than everyone else. I mean, I think I am just a total wuss. I wussed-out --- I only needed to sit in my chair for another 3 hours and the day would have been done. Ugh. Anyway, I think I will go lay down.

I had to return my Black Berry because my firm decided to further restrict its policy the day I paid for mine --- as an Associate Director I do not rank high enough to access the firm server for Black Berries. So, I spoke with Cingular today and am able to secure a new Palm Pilot --- a Palm Treo 600 which will double as my PDA and cell phone! My current Palm is dying on the vine and is no longer working very well with my work PC. The coolest thing is that this new Palm will allow me to take pictures. I don't really understand text messaging, but I figure I will gain the understanding once I find someone to text message with!

Monday, March 29, 2004

Waking Up

The surgery went quite well. The only problem seemed to come from what I think was some sort of anesthesia-withdrawal or something. For the past 3 days I have felt like total shit. Going between headaches, joint pains, feeling feverish with absolutely no enegry to do anything beyond lying on the sofa napping or watching something on TV. This morning was no different. I had decided that I needed to call my doctor after a nap this morning. I just woke up about 2 hours ago and I actually feel somewhat refreshed and my head isn't hurting. I also am no longer tasting that taste I seem to get from going under anesthesia.

Anyway, I do not feel like dancing around or anything, but this is the best I have felt since the day before surgery! I do believe I will be able to get my fat ass back to work tomorrow!

Another major event which happened during the last several days is that my brother, Roy, has moved out. Or, rather --- he is now living at his own place in Brookline! He is still in the process of moving out. It has been cute. I think he is already a bit homesick for us and seems to be taking a bit longer to get his stuff over to his new place than makes sense. However, Karl and I are also having some separation anxiety as well. It has been really nice having him here. I feel that I have gotten to know more about him in a few months than I knew over the course of the past 25 years! And I am very impressed with the person I have had the chance to get to know! So, it is hard to see him move out --- even if for just a few miles. I plan to go and check out his new digs next weekend.

Anyway, as I have written in the past ---- Roy has been taking care of all the chores since he has been here. All of the things that I normally did were done by him.

So, today --- upon awaking from my slumber and feeling a bit better, I decided to heat up a can of soup for lunch and put away the clean dishes in the dishwasher. I also got the bright idea to wash the sheets and towels. The only problem is that I just realized I know absolutely nothing about our new home. I had never touched the dishwasher, microwave or washing machine. I had to study the kitchen to determine where the can opener might be and also to figure out where the dishes went. But before I could do that I had to open the dishwasher. I also had to figure out this new-fangled micro-wave. It took me about 5 minutes to figure out how to turn on the washing machine. Kind of sad, actually. Anyway, I think I now know my way around the kitchen. Am still unsure of where Roy and Karl are hiding the pans, but am confident I will be able to locate them later.

As we have hard wood floors, it seems that dust bunnies multiply at alarming rates ---- so I decided that I might even try to sweep up the floor, but after locating the little broom thingy --- I can't find those paper things you put over the broomy thing. I gave up looking. At any rate, I am feeling a little tired. Stupid as I've done nothing much to speak of, but I guess I should slow it down a bit so that I am able to get myself back to work tomorrow.

I think I've watched just about all of the DVD's I had purchased prior to my surgery. Am really enjoying SCENES FROM A MARRIAGE --- pretty powerful stuff and quite insightful.

Anyway, I am awake and am learning my way around the new home!

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Up the Nose and on the Lip

Well, I am waiting for 10:30am to roll around. That is when we head to Mass General for my next little surgery. The surgeon is going back up my nose ---- way up my nose to address a new tiny mass of veins that have gathered resulting in more nose bleeds. And, I have another very tiny little mass of them on my lower lip. However, it should be noted that one is unable to see it. You have to look really hard. Anyway, he is going to eliminate that from my lip. So, in addition to about 10 pounds of packing up my right nostril I will also have something on my lower lip.

I will be really pretty.

My goal was to stay up all night so that I would be really sleepy when I went to the hospital and wouldn't be all freaked-out waiting in that skimpy little outfit for them to be me on that rolling table thing for the anestesia dude to shoot me up and out. However, I had to go to bed at 2am ---- got up at 5am to take my meds, but then fell asleep til 8am. So, this is more sleep than I had bargained for. Oh well.

I will be on my back, so to speak, for the next 4 to 5 days. I have many DVD's to watch. And I still need to update my movie blog as I saw INTERMISSION at the cinema the other day. I have a lot of Japanese movies on DVD that I am dying to see so that might be cool if I can stay awake with the pain meds. I am really getting into Japanese cinema. Also, I have a pre-order arriving this week from France and another of Ingmar Bergman's SCENES FROM A MARRIAGE. I believe Woody Allen was deeply inspired by that and by AUTUMN SONATA (sp?) which I really liked. So I hope to enjoy the 4 hour Scandanavian flick about a marriage falling apart. Happy!

By the way, for those of you who read Karl's Blog --- I did not get sick out of anticipation for barbra's appearance on the Actor's Studio. I think I was just upset from work. It is so nice to have your bodily functions shared with the WWW by your lover. Oy! By the way, I was disappointed by Babs on that show. Same old stuff --- no new insights into her work. However, she looked like pure butta!

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Easily Amused?

I have been waiting over 5 months for the Actor's Studio TV Special focusing on a discussion with Barbra! And it airs tonight on Bravo. I am just all excited! That is really all I have to post. Sorry.

Saturday, March 20, 2004

The Depth of Eternal Sunshine

Just had to make a quick post. Karl and I spent the afternoon running about the city --Karl even, jaw-drops as I type, purchased some new clothing!!! We also bought some new bed sheets. We opted for a lighter color to avoid those pesky stains from those suspicious secretions that sometimes occur in the marriage bed. Anyway, we went to Wendy's for a light and very healthy lunch. Karl took pix --- am guessing for his website which you really must check out! ...and, please, post a comment. That makes him so very happy.

Anyway, Karl even went to a movie with me ---- The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind --- I LOVED this movie. I will write all about it on my movie blog later this weekend. It worked on so many levels and was really a touching meditation on the meaning of love. I left the theatre feeling good and Jim Carrey didn't even annoy me for a minute as he is prone to do. I also loved the music.

We are now on our way to Salem. Yes, I am getting on public transit. ugh. But it is for a good reason --- we're visiting Dan and Bill, having dinner and hanging out at their way cool pad. Should be much fun.

Oh! I finally got the DVD set of the Series 5 of Absolutely Fabulous. Seems to be a bit weak compared to the original first runs of that series, but I do so enjoy the characters and Jennifer Saudner's faces. I've only watched 3 episodes, but Bubble appears to have gone thru some odd shift --- she seems less retarded as she was in series 4 and more bitchy. Hmmmm...

...My brother is playing a CD which sounds like the C line train taking a hard left turn in D-Minor. Not pretty. These kids and their music! ha!

Thursday, March 18, 2004

The Fine Art of Kissing Ass

This is what I am perfecting right now. I am determined to become the corporate darling of my world. ...or, I guess that would be their world. I just kiss ass in it. ugh. I just keep reminding mysel, "I am getting paid" ---- it is my mantra.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Confessions of a Corporate Whore

Well, I kissed lots of ass today and did so while wearing freshly ironed shirt and tie. I was the walking example of corporate efficiency. I worked at getting in those leaders' heads and had a bit of success. However, my big challenging task is still only half done. This is not my fault and I have my ass covered. Hope to finish this task tomorrow if the corporate machine works.

I had to bring work home with me tonight after visiting my boss in the hospital. I hate bringing work home.

But as Jaymaster advised in his comment to yesterday's post, I am not going to let this get me down. I am Office Manager --- Hear me roar!

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Bonding with High-Level Executives

My boss will be out of the office and unavailable for a while.

Just before she left today she told me that she had met with one of our top executives and that he spent 30 minutes asking her about me. Bottom line: I have to go bond with this executive and with yet another executive because they feel I am not "involved enough with their day-to-day business" and I need to "get into his head" and act more as an "advisor" --- those are his words. My boss just relayed them to me. And I have to start dressing "better" --- those are my boss' words. Then she left.

This was not my day --- but I have a feeling that the rest of the week might be filled with even worse days. Optimistic am I not?

Anyway, skipped the movie tonight. But I plan to go tomorrow night no matter what. I need to form strategic corporate strategies and kick some major ass. ...or would that be kiss some major ass?

We haven't gotten much snow this year, but I am not even enjoying the snow storm tonight. I am just worried about my job security now.

Monday, March 15, 2004

Babs Is A Focker!

I am all moist with excitement! Babs Streisand has signed to play Mrs. Focker in the sequel to the Ben Stiller/Robert DeNiro movie! Dustin Hoffman will play Mr. Focker. This is, like, total dream casting. ....tho, I still think Woody Allen would be an ideal leading man for Babs. Can't wait!

I am forcing my brother to see "Dirty Dancing -- Havana Nights" with me tomorrow night. He really has no choice. I am just making him. He made me see that Pro-longed Torture of the Christ --- so now he must see a bad chick flick with me. I just can't wait to watch that hot Mexican boy dance! I figure Roy can watch the blonde girl dance. I figure that the movie will suck, but I know I will enjoy the dancing and the music. I will write a full report on my movie blog!

I am currently having a Robbie Williams issue. I really hated his last CD upon its release. So much so that I gave the CD away. Now, a year later I see a Canadian imported DVD of his last summer's UK tour where he performs all of the songs that were on that CD which I hated. Well, now I LOVE every song on the stupid CD and had to re-purchase it. Oh well. I wonder why I hated it the first time round, but now love it. Go figure. Fickle finger of music fate, I guess.

Well, time to go check on my pal, Thomas, on his blog and the further adventures of Tim on his. Karl had a brain fart on his newly established blog -- but it sounds much worse than it actually is. I should be creating links to Thomas, Tim and Karl --- but I am just too tired with the announcement of a new Barbra movie and the links are to your left. Go visit them! You can't visit Jen at What's Brewing because she is taking a break as she gets thru tax season at our office. Send her positive vibes --- tax season at an accounting firm is pretty damn scary. We're almost done tho! Oh! I've discovered a way-cool blog site --- be sure to stop by and visit Useless!Worthless!Inspid!<

Sunday, March 14, 2004

My New Blog!

I started a new blog site today. Decided I would create a new blog page dedicated to writing about all of the movies I see. I figured, Why not? Anyway, check it out.

Friday, March 12, 2004

The Torture of the Christ

Ok ---- I saw the Mel Gibson movie with my brother, Roy. He really hated it. I didn't like it, but it wasn't that bad. I have to say I don't see the anti-semitism. I mean, if it is anti-semitic then so is Andrew Lloyd Webber's Jesus Christ Superstar. ...and, like, the Christian Bible. Anyway, there was nothing at all about the passion of the Christ --- it was really just plain sadistic and really gross. We never see any passion beyond the fact that he stops on a snake that a demon/satan sends to him. He seemed fairly passionate about that. Oh, and Mr. Gibson reveals that Jesus invented the dining room table.

However, I should note (and this really upsets my brother) that I do think it was better than Martin Scorsese's The Last Temptation of Christ --- which I just hated. Not because I found it evil or anything --- just because it was such a waste of great talent. I don't expect much out of Mel Gibson. He utilized so many cliches of film making it made me cringe, but I was surprised he was able to make a movie --- even if it is a MOR attempt. Still, Scorsese gets the prize for giving us the hottest Jesus. I mean, he hasn't aged well --- but back in 1988 Willem Dafoe made a really sexy Christ. ...even on the cross he looked pretty.

OH! My Karl has started his own blog! I am so proud! I cannot wait to see him post his pictures of the dinners he creates. Pssst --- they are always the same ---- but I love him anyway!

The Torture of the Christ

Ok ---- I saw the Mel Gibson movie with my brother, Roy. He really hated it. I didn't like it, but it wasn't that bad. I have to say I don't see the anti-semitism. I mean, if it is anti-semitic then so is Andrew Lloyd Webber's Jesus Christ Superstar. ...and, like, the Christian Bible. Anyway, there was nothing at all about the passion of the Christ --- it was really just plain sadistic and really gross. We never see any passion beyond the fact that he stops on a snake that a demon/satan sends to him. He seemed fairly passionate about that. Oh, and Mr. Gibson reveals that Jesus invented the dining room table.

However, I should note (and this really upsets my brother) that I do think it was better than Martin Scorsese's The Last Temptation of Christ --- which I just hated. Not because I found it evil or anything --- just because it was such a waste of great talent. I don't expect much out of Mel Gibson. He utilized so many clichés of film making it made me cringe, but I was surprised he was able to make a movie --- even if it is a MOR attempt. Still, Scorsese gets the prize for giving us the hottest Jesus. I mean, he hasn't aged well --- but back in 1988 Willem Dafoe made a really sexy Christ. ...even on the cross he looked pretty.

OH! My href=" http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/snarl/" Title="Karl">Karl has started his own blog! I am so proud! I can’t wait to see him post his pictures of the dinners he creates. Pssst --- they are always the same. ….but I love him anyway!

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Back From Newark!

Just got back from my biz trip to good ol Newark. Received lots of corporate training on various HR stuff. Not much fun, but it was nice to see some of my colleagues from across the country. ...but tomorrow I have to go into work. ugh. Am tired and just wanna sleep for several days!

Monday, March 08, 2004

Sad News...

Just read that Spaulding Gray's body was found in the East River in NYC. I guess he killed himself. So sad. I always enjoyed his performance pieces and once met him. ...well, I walked into him when he was in Boston. I didn't say anything because I am infamous for saying really stupid things when I meet celebrities. It is best that I just not say much. But if I had been able to say something intelligent I would have thanked him for being such a talented artist. His work generated so many interesting thoughts and ideas. Always seems that the most gifted are often the most tormented. Sad.

While on the topic of sad things, I am being sent to the Meadowlands office for the next 2 days for a fun-filled time of corporate training. So much fun ---- and in such a glam place! ha! Oh well. I get back late Thursday night. Maybe I will have something fun to report when I return.

I have been thinking of creating another blog dedicated to writing reviews of the many movies I see. Anyone who knows me knows that I see a lot of movies. As an example I saw 3 this past weekend. Will probably see 3 more this coming weekend -- not to mention all of the DVD's I see. And, if you know me --- you know I have opinions about all I see. Might be fun. The only concern I have is that I don't seem to be posting to this blog as I used to, but am going to think about it. Maybe I will try to set up this weekend. Of course, last time my pal, Jen, did all the background work to get me up and running. And I don't think I am much better tech-wise since I started this blog. Maybe Karl will help me! Karl? Are you there? Jen can't help me -- she is stuck in busy season hell!!!

Thursday, March 04, 2004

My Evening With Billy Joel...

Karl, my boss and I attended a performance of MOVIN OUT --- musical built around 26 of Billy Joel's songs with choreography by Twala Tharpe. It was pretty cool and most enjoyable, but the cool thing was that Billy Joel and Twala were both there. Am not sure if I am spelling her name correctly. Anyway, Billy Joel got up on the stage and performed two songs! I am not a big fan of him or his music, but he was most impressive. I knew both of the songs he sang, but don't know the titles of them. Oh, wait one was called You May Be Wrong But You May Be Right. ...at least that was the chorus.

Anyway, a fun night!

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Conversations on the Subway Platform

This evening before I decided to walk home instead of riding the subway, I was waiting on the platform and a homeless man wandered up to me and said, I am a professional fisherman, but need $11 to get back to my boat. Can you help me out?

I paused for a moment and notice his shoes and responded, If you are a professional fisherman, why are you wearing flip-flops and pajama bottoms? And why do you need $11 instead of $10 or even $12?

He paused and then said, You are an asshole. He turned and walked away.

Well, that pretty much sums up my day. Being asked stupid questions backed up by stupid information. ...and then I respond in a manner perceived as that of an asshole. I don't mean it. I am a nice guy. Really.

Oh! My love, Karl, discovered an awesome site today while he was ever so busy at work dealing with the major issues that come by his desk --- but check it out. Like Karl, Betty rocks! We all must love her!

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Baby's Porn

Once a month when Karl is making his usual mail call to me as I stumble in from a rough day at work, he announces --- Baby's porn has arrived! He is, of course, referring to my latest issue of UNZIPPED magazine. I think I have mentioned it before. It is the Tiger Beat for the gay porn generation. A fan magazine for gay porn fans! You know, you get to find out what it was like the first time Jeff Stryker took it up the butt AND his favorite kind of wine for a romantic evening!

I just love this magazine. It is so wrong, but so very, very right. April's issue features the best looking porn star I have seen since Joey Stefano! His name is Arpad Miklos --and UNZIPPED has penned him the Hunky HUNG-arian. Yes, Arpad is from Hungry, enjoys the ocean, guys who like to laugh, chocolate, techno music and guys who know how to bottom and take his huge --uh, gift.

Arpad's gift is thicker than my wrist and about as long as my arm. Kind of scary to think about --- but he is sooo cute! I will try to find a link so that you can see him! Well, for some reason the site has not been updated to show my new love, Arpad. But here is the link!

I wave my porn magazine high and proud! I rejoice in the promotion of porn stars as idols. ...and the April issue has great articles entitled ELF LOVE and THE BUTT WRANGLER and DON'T BE A TIGHT ASS -- TIME TESTED TIPS ON TOPPING A TOP!! You just have to love it all. Yes, Baby's porn is a delight!

I have fallen twice today and have had sugar. And I suspect I may be having more as Karl is baking cookies.

Oh, if any of the above worries you --- I do think I may have located a shrink. There are just far too many neurotics in this city and not enough shrinks to guide us! This has taken me forever!

Sending love across the Blogging Universe!

Monday, March 01, 2004

Sugar Lapse

Karl made cookies and I ate two. I lapsed and consumed sugar. Oh well. So it goes. I have been doing really well with the avoidance of sugar. My use of caffeine may have increased though due to my new love with black coffee.

Work was really challenging today and there was much pressure/stress --- however, I rather enjoyed it. I think I tend to thrive on that level of stress and challenge. Tomorrow we shall see how my decisions play out. Should be interesting.