<title>Matt's Bit of Space: August 2003</title> <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://draft.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d4021413\x26blogName\x3dMatt\x27s+Bit+of+Space\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://matty03.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://matty03.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d6332675530970426299', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Saturday, August 30, 2003

A Good Night and A Promising Second Day...

We had a lovely evening with Jen. Ate lots and lots of Rice Krispies Treats! ....and I do mean a lot. I believe we made enough for 12 and there were only the 3 of us. Oh well, it was worth it. Hadn't seen Jen in so long --- we had a smashing time! Karl did very well with making dinner and I did a fantastic job with fluffing pillows and chatting! And Jen was a wonderous guest filled with fun converstation and observation. A great night!

Today has also gotten off to a promising start. Am not so optimistic as I was yesterday, but my best friend, Bethie, came over and took us to brunch. I hadn't seen Beth in over 8 months. It was so cool to see her and talk. We had a few laughs as well. She just left.

The rest of the afternoon is sort of up for grabs. Karl is feeling lazy and does not want to do anything which is what this holiday weekend is all about. I am sort of neutral. I wouldn't mind doing something or nothing. I thought we were getting together with a couple of our friends, but that has not panned out. However, I just got our web cam working and am online with Yahoo Messenger --- so maybe I will look for a pal with whom I could chat. Or maybe I will just go curl up on the sofa and listen to Mary J. Blige.

You will note that my comment box is still down. I sent an email to the company who provides the service. I hope to have resolution at some point, but you will have to email to let me know what ya thinkin'!

Friday, August 29, 2003

A Good Day

I hesitate to write this as I do not want to reverse my luck, but I have had a nice day today. I didn't feel down and was not nearly as tired as I have been. I laughed, I actually sought out and engaged in conversations.

I think I am starting to feel a bit more like me for the first time in months! I don't think it could be the mood stabilizer this early --- am only on my third dose. Saw my shrink today and he warned me not to get too excited. He expects that I will still experience "highs" and "lows", but he is thinking that my "lows" might not be so "low" anymore! I sure hope he is right. This is a great start to the long weekend!

And, Jen is coming over for dinner and a movie tonight. Am actually looking forward to the evening --- how long has it been since I actually looked forward to something?!?!!? Am I getting better? Hmmmmm... Knock wood!

My comments boxes have been down for over 4 days. What to do? Am at a loss. I might ask Jen as she was my first "Blogger Expert" --- It was her Blog that inspired me to create my own --- and she helped me out a lot at the start because I am no techie. At any rate, I hope to see my comments box return soon --- meanwhile, feel free to just drop me an email if you're so inspired!

Thursday, August 28, 2003

Energy Eater

Got in from work about 30 minutes ago and am trying to secure the energy to do the one thing I really need to do --- clean the bathrooms. Am doing everything I can think of to retrieve energy from my tired body. I've got the Pizzicato Five booming from the stereo, I am nude (my favorite way to be) and I have a big-ass glass of Pepsi. I should be skipping about with pep. ...Instead I am sitting at the computer feeling in need of a nap.

Where does my energy go? I do well in the morning and then start to wilt around 10:30 AM ---- from there on it is down hill. I just start to envelope into myself. The doctors say it is depression and I must fight it. ...they don't know how it feels. It is like I've just run the Boston Marathon and have been asked to host a cocktail party. Ugh. OK, enough bitching. I will take a big gulp of Pepsi, hop about to the hap-snappy sounds of Pizzicato Five and clean the dirty bathrooms. Then, I will fall into a deep sleep on our sofa.

Thomas has stirred my interest in Thomas Pynchon. I hadn't thought of this writer since my 3rd year of college when I took a lit class focused on his works. I scored an A in the class and wrote 3 papers, but I never really "got" Pynchon. My papers were mostly "BS" but they seemed to fool the prof. At any rate, I am now reading "Gravity's Rainbow" and am feeling a bit lost -- but I am forging on and am determined to follow Mr. Pychon's prose. I know I can do it! I mentioned the problem to a pal at work who, as it turns out, is a big Pynchon fan ---- he is going to dig out his college material on Rainbow. I had him test me and I am understanding what I've read thus far. I am picking up a lot of symbolism related to erections and the penis. I just haven't decided what they symbolize. Anyway, I am enjoying it.

...maybe I will skip the bathrooms and just read. Hmmmmmm...

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Psycho-Therapy Day and an Intimate Dinner Party on Friday Nite!

Today was "Psycho-Therapy" day. I spent the morning at the hospital waiting to meet with the doctor who handles my meds. I saw my shrink briefly. "We" have decided to move forward with a mood stabilizer and I am in agreement that it is worth trying. I can't think of the name of the drug -- starts with a "T", tho.

Anyway, the script is being filled downstairs at CVS with my favorite pharmacist, Barbara. As it seems I spend a good deal of time at the pharmacy as of late, I've gotten to know Barbara a bit. She is most helpful and cool. However, she made a funny face as I handed this new script to her. I dared not ask why. I don't think I really wanna know. The doctor warned that it may take a couple of trys to find the right med for me. I don't know.

I just feel like an old man in need of one of those foot long pill boxes for the week that divides the days into AM and PM. Ugh. I pick up the new drug at 6 and take it for the first time at 9. The mega-pill box looms off in the distance...

On the better side of news, we're having a very small/tiny dinner party this Friday night! Our pal, Jen, is coming over to have dinner and chill with us for the evening. I've not seen her in quite a while and am really looking forward to it. We are actually cooking for her. Well, Karl is cooking for her. I will be fluffing pillows and chatting.

It is best I not enter the kitchen. Karl doesn't like it when I do that. However, I can make chili. Having grown up in southeast Texas --- I had to learn to prepare kick-ass chili. The only problem is that I seem to only be able to cook for parties of 25 to 30. I just don't know how to make anything for less than 25 people. Perhaps I was meant to cook for the army?

At any rate I did the shopping and will certainly do the clean-up. I am an expert with a dish washer!

By the way, for some reason Blogger is refusing to let me link to Jen's web site. Ugh! Check it out, tho ---- just look to the right side at my links and click into "What's Brewing"!

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Running Up That Hill

I was an odd kid. I loved listening to Barbra Streisand from the age of 4 and onward --- later I would be perplexed when record store clerks would find it odd that I would purchase a Streisand album along with a couple of Led Zepplin or Patti Smith Group records, but that was me. As a 9 year old, I used to imagine that Woody Allen and Diane Keaton were my real parents and lived in hope that they would drop by and pick me up someday. There was no such thing as "quiet" for me. To me, "quiet" was noisy. I would hear ringing sounds --- so I always was in need of some type of sound so that the sounds in my head didn't hurt too much. I still suffer from this problem as an adult, but it no longer scares me the way it did as a child. At times, I was convinced that I was living a dream and would wake up any moment in a different life. I believed this till I was about 12 and my parents divorced.

There was also a hill in our back yard --- way out, about an acre from our house. When I was about 8 I found a large stick. I loved that stick like a friend and would spend hours running up and down that hill with my trusty stick. Sometimes I would sing, sometimes I would act out scenes from movies, sometimes I would cry, sometimes I would make up stories and sometimes I just ran up and down the hill with little or no thought in my head. My Grandmother and our neighbor used to sit and watch me on that hill. Years later they told me that they would watch me for hours and just wonder what was running through my mind as I trampled up and down the hill.

I would stay on the hill with my stick for hours --- usually until someone told me it was time to come in.

Anyway, I was thinking that I missed my hill today. I don't know why I ran that hill, but it made me happy. Wouldn't it be nice to re-capture the actual happy feelings we experienced as children vs. only remembering the sad or difficult feelings? Wouldn't it be nice to have a stick and run up a hill?

Monday, August 25, 2003

The Importance of Concrete or It Ain't Easy Being Green

It has been a year and we are not adjusting to condo-living very well. Aside from the hassles of dealing with a 80% population over 70 and their constant grumpiness --- we just don't like being told what to do and how to do it. There are more rules at our condo than can be imagined and almost none of them make any logical sense.

The 20% of us below the age of 40 spend much of our time trying to figure out how to pass an elder making their way down the hall with his/her walker. If we walk patiently behind them, they get angry and yell, "Go ahead! Pass!" If we say "Excuse me" and slip by them, they get angry and do one of those exasperated sighs and sometimes bang their walker up and down. I've decided the best thing to do is pretend like they are not there and rush past them. Makes 'em really pissy -- but I figure this must provide them with additional things to be mad about it.

Anyway, we are thinking that we might need to sell the condo and purchase our own house. This opens a big ass can of worms. You see, the one thing I love about our condo in Salem is that it has an urban feel. When we left Boston I was terrified of going to the 'burbs. I am most comfortable when surrounded by lots of concrete, police sirens and street vermin. I do not do well with green things, sounds of birds and loads of strollers. I am most happy in a city of concrete and steel. The less green --- the better.

So, we started looking at houses. They all look like middle class family homes just waiting for beer bellies, rugrats and dirty carpets. Poor Karl is more open to the whole house thing and has less expectations. I want no yard to mow, no sidewalk to shovel snow. Most of all, I want no part of a porch. I also do not want to live next door to a family with children or those annoying yard doodles --- you know, Virgin Mary statues and the like. Basically, I want my condo in house form. This isn't going to be easy. Karl may end up putting me to the curb. Oh, yes, and I am not thrilled with all of these old homes. I want nothing to do with ghosts or things that go bump in the cellar. This should be loads of fun! Not!

Our shopping ventures to Boston and Cambridge were a hit in the sense that we got nearly all of the bday gifts. However, I was unable to locate "My Neighbour, Toroto" on DVD. I found it on video tape, but I do not purchase videos anymore. We purchsed our first bit of porn on DVD! It was a real rush to purchase DVD porn --- We felt so 21st century. Anyway, I picked up a copy of the Speed Racer DVD! Yahoo! Go, Speedracer, Go! I've a friend who, as a child, had a crush on Speedracer's Dad. I was less original and always longed for Speed. Can't wait to sit down and watch the first 11 episodes!!!

I really love the new Mya CD. I sort of like the Ashanti CD excepting all the pro Murder Inc record label rapping between songs. And I am toying with the idea of picking up Beyonce's new CD next week. Am I turning into an 8th grade black girl? If I am, I want to be called LaTeisha. I really think that name has a pretty sound and I think I would be popular at the mall with a name like LaTeisha.

Saturday, August 23, 2003

A Big Saturday!

Well, after sleeping well past 11am, we ventured to the city of Cambridge. The goal was to get me back on public transit in prepartion for my switching off driving to work when I am allowed to go back to work full time. ...and to purchase some birthday gifts and see a movie. I was also on a mission to find the DVD of "My Neighbour, Toroto"

--- We scored on two of the birthday gifts, saw "American Splendor" (which was awesome! A must-see!), but the big bummer of the day was for Karl.

We had lunch at the Border Cafe and Karl got sick on the Mexican food. He couldn't even make it thru the last 7 minutes of the movie. He had to run out of the theatre. I, being the caring person that I am, finished the movie. No, he told me to meet him at his office at Harvard when the movie was over. He is feeling better now, but still a bit icky.

Couldn't find my DVD --- even at the cool Anime store. Ugh! And, due to Karl's intestinal woes --- we did not venture to the subways. So, tomorrow we will be Boston bound to do the subways, finish off the b-day gift buying and I will see if I can find the DVD.

Our pal, Duncan, picked up his classic 1972 BMW today. This is a very special car for Duncan because he grew up with it. His father gave it to him a while back and he has been having some snazzy mechanic fix her up for a while now. I drove over to his house to see it and it looks like he just drove it out of some 1972 BMW showroom. Amazing. He is most proud and with due reason. Normally, I do not get excited about cars, but he was so excited --- it was cute.

And am now having a Taco Bell dinner --- because, for me, it is all about health.

I plan to play on the net for awhile and then maybe watch "Paper Moon" on DVD. Ah, "Paper Moon" when Ryan O'Neal was still hot and his daughter, Tatum was still cute. Should be a nice way to end the evening. Sorry for the dull posting.

Friday, August 22, 2003

Snail Mail Confusion... And My Brother's New Website

I really take great pride in my FRUiTS
postcard collection and have gone to great pains to send many of them out to friends and relatives only to find that most of them just don't "get it" or feel confused. I just don't understand how they can't be rejoicing in the fashion tips provided by the many Japanese teens captured on the cards with their points of fashion. It most upsetting and saddens me.

Much excitement planned for this evening. I will be wrapped up in my fave blanket watching DVDs, consuming soda and popcorn and just absorbing the energy that is --- Friday night! Tomorrow Karl and I are off to Boston. There are two reasons we're treking into the fun city: 1) I need to get back on the subway system and this will be a good way to start and 2) we have to purchase many birthday gifts as we have an incredible number of friends and relatives born in September. I am also crossing my fingers that we see a movie. I am most excited about seeing "American Splendor" which has received great press!

At therapy this afternoon we discussed some mood stabilizers. I do believe they are wanting to put me on one starting next week. I am ok with giving it a shot as long as the pills do not cause me to gain weight. I know nothing of mood stabilizers. I guess I will need to get a mood ring again like when I was in 3rd grade.

My brother, Roy Stanfield
has updated his website for his art. Follow the link!

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

"Amelie" Will Steal Your Heart!

...Infact she will then sell it to the black market! Or she might opt to steal your kidney and leave you with a nasty staff infection! Eeeeek! I saw the newly-released Stephen Frears film, "Dirty Pretty Things" which stars Audrey "Amelie" Tautou. I suspect that it came out in the UK already and is just now making it to US shores. Anyway, the poster features a glam photo of Ms. Tautou bare shouldered and in repose. Not sure what I was expecting, but it was certainly not what I got as I sat with my popcorn and soda. Yuck. Really dismal. However, I will never feel at ease in hotels again! Oy!

You know, I was thinking about it and cinema has not been so great these past 10 years. I've only seen 3 films that I would label as "masterpieces" of the medium --- "Ghost World" "Under the Sand" and "Spirited Away". I don't think I am missing anyother film ---- and, no, I do not consider "American Beauty" a masterpiece. I mean, there have been some very good films, but very few that I think will really last for the long haul. ...Maybe "City of Lost Children". I don't know.

If you know of any other films you feel are masterpieces list them in the comment box below. Maybe I am not thinking of something that was wonderous. "The Mirror Has Two Faces" maybe?

Am listening to the latest Tricky CD, "Vulnerable" --- most cool. Less mainstream than "Blowback" --- I think it is time for another Bjork/Tricky project! And, when-oh-when will Blondie find a label to release the CD they recorded last year? The world could use a good dose of Blondie.

Work is going well. I just wish my energy level would pick up. I am always tired, but not sleepy. Maybe I need another med adjustment. I know they are "ramping up" my doses, but I grow weary of this feeling and am anxious to get back to work full time!

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

To Frank Black or Not to Frank Black? ...for this is the question

So, should I purchase the new Frank Black CD or not? I'm just not sure. Today I purchased the newly-released DVD of "Hello Dolly" --- yes, another Babra purchase, but it was only $10. I shall watch it this weekend. As I was waiting in line, the Frank Black CD caught my eye and thoughts of Pixies filled my head. ...and as I was thinking some annoying child jumped ahead of me in line to purchase the new Rancid CD. I just don't know.

I've also purchased 45 postcards from FRUiTS --- so I've got all these way-cool postcards of way-cool Japanese teens dressed at the height of fashion -- or, their concept of fashion -- which is a marvel. I've been mailing them out to friends filling their lives with unexpected joy.

As you can tell, I've nothing much to say today. But I did feel the need to post something.

Wet Kisses,

Monday, August 18, 2003

The 5 Questions Chain! It's Cool!

Here are my 5 questions, created by Tim
Here are the rules to this dandy little game:

1. Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your website with my five questions, and your five answers.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

Got it? Let's go!

1. It's a dark, rainy night. There's a knock on the door. It turns out to be Babs (that's Babs Streisand!), and she's broken down and "really" needs to take a dump. How do you react?
I die. Right at the moment that I see Babs at my door. The majesty of the diva's presence is just too much for my gay heart to take. I suspect that Babs, unfazed, simply steps over my corpse and gets herself to the bathroom. Unhappy with the decor and due to the fact that there are no rose petals in the toilet -- she opts to simply pop a whiz and then forces her hubby to knock on my neighbor's door so that she might take a shit in a more opulent can.

2. You are given the power to turn ONE straight man into a raving homosexual. Who do you chose and why?
Wow. What a power. I would chose to turn our annoying president (that's Prez Bush!) into a raging fag with a penchant for twinks. My thought is that this would set the gay rights movement in the US to new heights! We might even get treated like equal citizens! Yep, that is my choice.

3. If you could spend a day as any inanimate object, what would you chose and why?
Hmmm. This is a hard one. I think I would like to be Stevie Nicks' fave tamborine because I could wear pretty glitter ribbons and feathers --- and hang out with Stevie as she records/sings songs with folks like Sheryl Crow and Tom Petty. I started to go with a more sexual answer involving a certain male porn star, but have opted to go the more family-friendly route.

4. Pizzicato Five decide to reform, but only if you promise to join them and write them a hit single. Give us an outline of your initial proposal to them.
Cool! So, as the new member of the Pizzicato Five I would want us to dress in quite sophisticated gear --- and Nomiya would need a new collection of fab wigs in assorted colors with matching high heel shoes in preparation for our world tour! I would play the Rhythm Sticks -- tho, I am not sure what they are I like the idea. Anyway, I would propose that my song would be retro-disco in flavor with a twist of 60's go-go music. There would be no real lyrics, just Nomiya discussing the importance of proper nail maintenance. It would be loads of fun and quietly subversive. The video would be animated in a style similar to that Beatles movie about the submarine.

5. A la Bruce Almighty, you are given God's powers, BUT whatever you do with them has to involve Leslie Neilson, because God "really" likes Airplane, Police Academy and Naked Gun. What would you do with this power?
Wow --- the power of God and Leslie Neilson all at once. What's a proper gay boy to do? I suppose I would have Leslie cure AIDS and cancer. Now there would be plenty of hijinx as Leslie goes about the task. You know, prat falls with the busty lab assistance. I would probably arrange to have Anna Nicole Smith make a brief cameo in the lab just before the Eureka moment. She would slip, knocking the cure serum out of Leslie's hands, but the nerdy janitor would catch it just in time and the world would be AIDS and cancer free. Yes, this is what I would do with that power. ...I might also have Leslie pull together a VH1 Divas special staring Babs, Bette, Cher and Celine. ...just because.

Well, those are my answers to Tim's questions! Fun!

Sunday, August 17, 2003

Whole Lotta Trouble

I've just suffered a flashback to 1989. I am at a Stevie Nicks concert with my best pal, Jenny, and we are watching our shared idol trip her way across a stadium stage, losing her footing, her top hat and forgetting lyrics as multiple camera cranes zoom around her barely missing her head. Poor Stevie is stoned and the concert has been lacking.

One particularly awkward moment came when she seemed to forget all of the lyrics to "Outside the Rain" and substitued most with "Oh Baby" "Oh yeah, my baby" ...and that was her entrance. A happy fan tossed a teddy bear up to the stage, Stevie didn't notice and nearly fell down as she walked on it with her famous platform boots. Jenny muttered, "There will be no throwing of stuffed animals to Stevie tonight" into my ear as our songbird drifted into a rather loose performance of "Dreams"

So sad was it that we thought about leaving, but we didn't dare as it had been announced that Stevie was filming her new video for MTV at our concert.

The video was for the second single, "Whole Lotta Trouble", from her then new album, "Other Side of the Mirror" We stayed on and watched poor Stevie try to maintain her top hat and remember the lyrics to her new hit single. Those cam cranes really seemed to scare her and those boots were not helping. She joked about it to the audience, but it was clear that the poor director was upset.

Some cameras came by us several times and we jumped up and down clapping! I believe she "performed" the song 5 times and then told us that she would do it some more after the show and film her close-ups --- the entire audience was invited to stay. We kept thinking that this was all just one big dream, but the sad fact was that this was quite real.

We never saw the video on MTV or any other channel. Years later I posted a question to one of the many Stevie web rings if anyone knew of the video filmed in Houston, Texas ---- and many did, but all said the shoot had been a lose and the video was never released.

Well, today as I sat at the computer, I heard Stevie's voice singing "Whole Lotta Trouble" I slowly walked to the living room and there it was on VH1 Classics ---- the lost Stevie video in which Jenny and I had participated.

I was transported back to that night. We decided not to stay after because we had already seen the witchy goddess stumble enough for one night. However, I have to note that the '89 performance was said to be better than her '83 performance of "Stand Back" where she did actually fall down. Anyway, she is quite beautiful in the video, appears to know all of the lyrics and her top hat stays on at all times! I could see our seating area, but no close-ups of me or Jen. I have fired off an email to Jenny in hopes that she was watching VH1 at the same time. Jen remained in Texas, but we stay in touch thanks to email. ...and the magic that is Stevie Nicks!

Friday, August 15, 2003

The Way of Lemmings...

Well, the first week of work was difficult. I feel as if I am moving at half-speed or something and so many changes in policies that I need to learn! ...And I start to fall over after the first of my 3 hours. Then I drag for the last 2 --- and nearly fall asleep at therapy. I then sleep for 3 hours once I get home. They tell me that this will pass. Next week I am to start working out. They wanted me to start this week, but I am just too tired.

However, I do not care to write about work or my therapy appointments. I want to write about the odd behavior of fellow film-goers. Why is it that people feel the need to sit by other people? Why do they gather round me as if I am some pied piper?!?!? ...blocking my view and annoying me with stupid conversations and cell phone calls? I move to the far right of the auditorium and before you can say "Showtime" --- 4 other folks have gathered round me. It is a large cinema and this is not a sold out show. There are plenty of seats with lots of room. I wonder if I walk past the first row and sit on the floor if some creepy dude will follow me and do the same. ...right by me.

It is a test I do not care to pursue. I wait till the "Feature Presentation" song comes up and move to the back of the theatre with plenty of space. I settle in with my popcorn and soda ---- at last I am ready to watch Goldie Hawn, uh -- I mean Kate Hudson romp around Paris and an elderly couple sit right next to me. They can't hear the movie and repeat lines to each other. I hate them. Am I the only one to whom this happens? Am I the only one who finds it odd?

Monday, August 11, 2003

A Little Bumpy, But It's A Start!

My first day back at work went well, but a little bumpy. It isn't so easy to just jump back into things when you've been gone for 5 months. However, I am confident that things will be improving as I move along! I am keeping the faith --- please keep your fingers crossed for me!

Sunday, August 10, 2003

Back to Normal Life!

...Or at least that is what I am hoping! I return to work tomorrow! I am all excited and hope it all goes well. For the first two weeks I shall be working part time and then move into full time work on the third week! ...if all goes well. I think it will do me a world of good to get back to work. When they put you out of work all you do is think about yourself. It will be good to get plugged in again and think about other things besides my problems. I am most optimistic. I will be driving in for a while. Not ready to plunge back into the world of public pushing/shoving, uh, I mean public transit. Am taking things at a steady pace, tho. Karl is riding in with me for the first day. This means he has to get up really early, but he wants to do it. Such a sweetie.

I've decided that I will be telling fellow employees and staff that I had to address some personal issues that required taking a leave when they ask where I've been and why I've been gone for so long. I've only told a few people at work the whole story. Let's hope the others haven't been reading my blog! ha! If they have, no biggie. I just don't want to be talking about this stuff at work.

I've talked with my boss and she is being very understanding. For the next two weeks, I am in therapy every day, but I will be going down to two weekly therapy appointments that will require me to leave work early both times each week once. Not sure how long that will go on, but the goal is to get to therapy once a week, and, then to the point where I go in once or twice a month. I guess that will be a while, tho. At any rate, I've the support of my supervisor!

Wish me luck!!!

Thursday, August 07, 2003


My site has been added to Blogarama! I believe my site is listed in the "What's New" listings. I've added the link to the left of my Blog page. I've also added option of reviewing my site. ...please be kind if you choose to review.

My Thoughts on "Gigli"

It sucked. As I sat all alone in a 251 capacity theatre and watched J'Lo and Ben Affleck play thugs with hearts of gold, I decided that Lowes, General Cinemas & Hoyts Theatres all need to join hands and sue the hell out of Sony. Still, I am glad I saw it. You never know when you might come across a gem of really good-bad cinema and one must take a chance from time-to-time.

Oh, and just a quick warning to any of you who may decide to throw caution to the wind and watch this film ----- you will be forced to look at Lannie Kazzan's ass in a pink thong. There was no sort of cinematic warning ---- just BAM --- and there it is --- Kazzan in a thong. I am still in a state of mild shock.

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

Gettin' Down with J'Lo and B'Af! ...This Boy Just Can't Help It!!

Well, I am unable to resist the urge any longer. After reading and hearing every major film critic trash the new Jennifer Lopez/Ben Affleck romp, "Gigli" and seeing that Sony is having to force theatre chains to run the film for the full 2 weeks ---- I MUST see it with my own eyes.

I love really bad movies. You know, like "Valley of the Dolls" "Mommie Dearest" or "Boom!" ...sadly, for every bad film classic like "Xanadu" there are at least 4 just plain bad movies --- like Madonna's "Swept Away" or "Glitter" Sure, those two movies sucked, but not to the point of fun. They were just bad. I've a feeling that "Gigli" will turn out to be just another bad movie, but I just can't help it! What if it turns out to be bad in the "Barbarella" sense and I miss it on the big screen?!??! I would just die.

So, I've decided to put on my shades, wear a fake beard and purchase a ticket tomorrow so I can see the Gigli car wreck from the comfort of the multi-plex. It is just something I must do.

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

HOT Dads On Parade...

There seems to be a new phenomenon developing. I call it the "Hot Dad Syndrome" ---- I do not fully understand it, but I also do not particularly mind it ---- I just feel that someone needs to bring attention to this growing epidemic.

To fully understand what I am addressing I will back up to the early to mid 70's and 80's. My parents had me at a very early age. So, when I was five my parents were in the 23 to 28 year old age bracket --- as were their friends at the time. My parents had my younger brother during their middle age so that the parents of most of his friends were a bit younger -- in the 28 to 35 year old age bracket. Now, during these two specific and very different eras, I noticed how the parents looked. The mothers tended to be very "put together" --- a bit on the suburban side of beauty, but good-looking all the same. The dads tended to be rather soft in the middle with pudgy bellies and double chins. The dads dressed in dull clothing which fit their lives as business men. As I remember it, these dads ideas of sport were either golf or fishing. When I discuss my memories with others my age, we all tend to agree that the dads we knew as children were not very good-looking. They were not hot.

In the past 5 years I've noted a real shift in the dynamics of parental units. They are not younger, but they are decidedly more hip and sporty. ...and the dads are HOT. No more pot bellies for this new breed of dad! These dads have six packs and I am not talkin' about beer! True, some golf and fish -- but many climb mountains, play football and listen to Fatboy Slim as they drive the little kiddies around in the family SUV!

The new breed of dad is hot and ready to rumble. In fact, most straight dads seem to be hotter than the average gay single dude in the same age bracket. What gives? Also, many of these hot dads look deceptively gay. If it weren't for the wives I would be left with the assumption that circuit queens were kicking the drugs for kids! It is also interesting to note that while the wives seem to be more youthful than the moms of mine and my brothers' generation, they just aren't as well "put together" They wear tank tops and loose fitting shorts, pony tails and very little make-up. The moms I remember would not be caught dead without their coiffed do's and stylin' platform shoes.

What has caused this shift? Does the modern mom feel that enough is enough --- "we're moms and busy, dammitt!" and why are the dads suddenly gym rats with matching tans and perfect teeth?

What happened to comb-overs and sans-a-belt slacks?

Should we be worried? Or should we just sit back and admire the syndrome that is the HOT Dad?

I vote to sit back and watch as those dads bend over to pick up their tikes and rest easy in the fact that dads can be hot too! ...but who ever thought dads would become high quality eye candy?!?!?!?!?

Sunday, August 03, 2003

Gay Bubble

We have returned from Provincetown, MA! We had a really nice time. I feel as if I've been in a gay bubble --- tucked safely away from all things other than gay-centric life. Of course, that is one of the reasons we trek out to Ptown so often. It is backward there ---- gays are the majority in Ptown. A really nice place to visit and just chill.

I did fine and had no freak-outs at all. I do believe I am now ready to re-enter normal life. I see doctors this week and will be returning to work a week from tomorrow, Monday 8/11. I can't wait! I miss work! Will post more soon! Hope everyone is doing well!

sweet gay kisses,