The 5 Questions Chain! It's Cool!

Here are my 5 questions, created by Tim
Here are the rules to this dandy little game:

1. Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your website with my five questions, and your five answers.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

Got it? Let's go!

1. It's a dark, rainy night. There's a knock on the door. It turns out to be Babs (that's Babs Streisand!), and she's broken down and "really" needs to take a dump. How do you react?
I die. Right at the moment that I see Babs at my door. The majesty of the diva's presence is just too much for my gay heart to take. I suspect that Babs, unfazed, simply steps over my corpse and gets herself to the bathroom. Unhappy with the decor and due to the fact that there are no rose petals in the toilet -- she opts to simply pop a whiz and then forces her hubby to knock on my neighbor's door so that she might take a shit in a more opulent can.

2. You are given the power to turn ONE straight man into a raving homosexual. Who do you chose and why?
Wow. What a power. I would chose to turn our annoying president (that's Prez Bush!) into a raging fag with a penchant for twinks. My thought is that this would set the gay rights movement in the US to new heights! We might even get treated like equal citizens! Yep, that is my choice.

3. If you could spend a day as any inanimate object, what would you chose and why?
Hmmm. This is a hard one. I think I would like to be Stevie Nicks' fave tamborine because I could wear pretty glitter ribbons and feathers --- and hang out with Stevie as she records/sings songs with folks like Sheryl Crow and Tom Petty. I started to go with a more sexual answer involving a certain male porn star, but have opted to go the more family-friendly route.

4. Pizzicato Five decide to reform, but only if you promise to join them and write them a hit single. Give us an outline of your initial proposal to them.
Cool! So, as the new member of the Pizzicato Five I would want us to dress in quite sophisticated gear --- and Nomiya would need a new collection of fab wigs in assorted colors with matching high heel shoes in preparation for our world tour! I would play the Rhythm Sticks -- tho, I am not sure what they are I like the idea. Anyway, I would propose that my song would be retro-disco in flavor with a twist of 60's go-go music. There would be no real lyrics, just Nomiya discussing the importance of proper nail maintenance. It would be loads of fun and quietly subversive. The video would be animated in a style similar to that Beatles movie about the submarine.

5. A la Bruce Almighty, you are given God's powers, BUT whatever you do with them has to involve Leslie Neilson, because God "really" likes Airplane, Police Academy and Naked Gun. What would you do with this power?
Wow --- the power of God and Leslie Neilson all at once. What's a proper gay boy to do? I suppose I would have Leslie cure AIDS and cancer. Now there would be plenty of hijinx as Leslie goes about the task. You know, prat falls with the busty lab assistance. I would probably arrange to have Anna Nicole Smith make a brief cameo in the lab just before the Eureka moment. She would slip, knocking the cure serum out of Leslie's hands, but the nerdy janitor would catch it just in time and the world would be AIDS and cancer free. Yes, this is what I would do with that power. ...I might also have Leslie pull together a VH1 Divas special staring Babs, Bette, Cher and Celine. ...just because.

Well, those are my answers to Tim's questions! Fun!