dusty

Well, I just got home from the first day of the Big Move. As it is almost 1am and I have to be back to the office for 7am, I am debating whether or not I am going to bed at all. I might just stay up. I'm not sleepy anyway.

Dusty left for the Cape this afternoon.

As I walked into our building the concierge told me that I had some "VERY LARGE" packages waiting for me. Yes, I have already purchased a desk, chair, lamp and several framed pictures for an apartment I have yet to rent. ...I like to be prepared. Anyway, I want to be able to just have the movers move it all at once and not have to deal with various delivery time frames. Also, when I do move. Everything MUST be unpacked and in its place before I go to bed.

However, I digress.

So, Dusty is gone. I didn't feel like carrying up all of the big packages tonight (or, this morning) so I picked up the box I could lift which is actually a gift from my mother. I was going to open it, but I think I will wait till the day arrives. I have to work that night --- so, it might be nice to have something nice to do when I finally get home that night.

Anyway, I carried the packing material and box to the dumpster room and I saw Dusty's little pink Hello Kitty pillow she's had since the day she arrived in our lives lying on the floor waiting to be picked up and thrown out for good. I do not know why I feel the need to post this to my blog, but I picked it up and could smell Dusty. I just cried and cried. Feels like she's died or something.

I have had a bad day and have been working since 8am --- so I think I am just too emotional right now. I guess I just need some distance from this time in my life. I need to start over. I need to let go of the things that I thought meant something that they never really did. I don't mean to say that they didn't mean something, but I do think they meant something different than I felt them.

Enough of the pity party --- no more posts of this sort. I will get a grip.

I will be OK.