Nothing Changes But The Changes, Babe!

Well, the condo is on the market. Not sure how long that it will take to sell it, but we are doing OK. We will always love each other. And, as Karl has pointed out to me many times over the past year ---- we have been living more as roommates for the last year than lovers. However, I am working on separating a few things because I think that will make it easier for me.

I now have my own email address. Please make note of the change. Until further notice, my home email address is matthewstanfield1112@yahoo.com.

I have attempted to update my blog page to this address. My hope is that my attempt at an update worked!

Bloody Saturday

Well, fake blood anyway. Just saw THE MANSON FAMILY. I am not sure what I was expecting, but I was disappointed. The film has received some praise and generated a buzz for the director who has been working on since 1988. There were some creative techniques applied which made part of the film seem like real footage from the time of Manson clan. I also enjoyed the way the director copied the various styles of editing that were so annoying, but popular in the late 60's. However, much of the acting was on the same level as a community theatre play. He also wanted to get into the gore --- which, sadly, seemed more comical than horrific. Nothing looked at all real. As a viewer I felt kind of guilty laughing because I was watching
re-enactments of horrible real-life murders. However, the guy who played the psycho Bobby was really very hot. Is it wrong to find an actor playing a member of the Manson Clan hot? I don't know, I guess that could even be illegal in some states.

Thus far, that has been my day. My pal, Jen, was kind enough to hang with me last night while I whined and vented about me and Karl. It is really scary to face the fact that everything which has mattered in my life is about to be gone. However, I am ok and am starting to see some real positives about some of the changes. The sadness sweeps over me like a cold wave from time to time.

Anyway, Jen and I saw SIDEWAYS last night. We both loved every minute of it. I don't think there was a thing about it I would change. Both funny and touching without dipping into sentimentality. I am toying with the idea of heading over to the Boston Common and seeing the new Nicole Kidmann movie, BIRTH. For some reason --- it looks interesting to me.

Validation

One of my favorite monthly reads, PAPER MAGAZINE, is going to publish an email I sent them in their December issue! I feel so validated! However, I guess I should not feel too good about it because the editor person called me "Mike" in his email requesting my city/state information. Still, even tho they do not know my name --- they are going to print my letter! I am all excited. ...well, not really. But I am pleased and can't wait to see who will be on the cover!!! Knowing my luck in life, the cover boy will probably be Dom DeLuise.

This was my e-mail for all of the world to see this coming December:

Just one of my many favorite sections of Paper Magazine is Ann Magnuson's LA Woman column. The world needs more of Ann! "THE HUNGER" finally found its way to DVD and I think a number of us are dying to know what it was really like to deep kiss David Bowie as he scored second base! That had to be an experience worthy of remembering!!

A Former Bongwater Groupie!
Matt Stanfield

I really would love to read or hear what she would have to say about that movie acting experience!

And, I really was a Bongwater groupie. I was crushed when they ended and even more crushed to find out that Kramer had been such a jerk to her! At one point in early 1992 --- I sent a letter to Kramer offering myself as a sex slave to both he and Ann if they would let me work at Shimmy Disc and give me a cot on which to sleep.

...The cool thing is that he did write back and he even sent me a way cool shirt and some cute little voodoo dolls. ...the bummer of it was what he wrote: "Thanks for the offer, but we already have a sex slave. Best wishes, Kramer"

oh well. you've got to give it your best shot.

Whatever happended to Kramer? He did a couple of solo CD's before Shimmy went under. Kind of sucked because he was the first to give such groups as Gwar, Ween and even Daniel Johnson their first record deals. They all left him for major label deals. Then he tried to screw Ann out of royalties. I guess the last I heard or saw of him was a couple of years ago. He was doing some shows at The Knitting Factory in NYC ---- I think they bought out his former label's catalog. He also released an experimental CD which I could not really understand.

Kramer, are you out there somewhere? Are you in need of a sex slave? I am now in my late 30's with a bit of xtra weight that I shall soon be shedding. ...I still have hair! However, my basic requirements still stand. I have to insist on a paying job of some sort and a cot. I know you are straight, but I can help you work thru that.

kisses,
matt

Oh, and on the positive side --- I actually talked about me and Karl to a co-worker and managed to not get sick or cry. I figure that is a step in the right direction. The sad thing is --- I feel like I really am losing everything that matters to me. I wish I could just get a break. ...maybe the letter in Paper is a sign of good things to come.

a boy can dream.

Getting Personal

A good friend recently warned me about posting things which cross too far over into that line of the personal. And, her advice was right. So, I have been struggling with what to write about what is going on right now. This afternoon I realized that a few of you already know. And, this is not a secret.

After much soul searching, discussion, therapy and plenty of tears Karl and I have decided to end our relationship. This is something that I never imagined would happen. I always thought that love would win out --- that all that mattered was that you love and respect each other and all else can be over come. I guess I was wrong. Not to sound like a drama queen ---- but we all know that I have leanings in that direction --- anyway, it has felt like my heart was breaking. Even though I am very sad and depressed over the situation -- I have to say that once we both said that we need to break up --- there was a sort of invisible weight that seemed to lift off my shoulders because I was no longer stuck in relationship limbo. I knew what I was going to do and that in itself was a relief. However, it is still hard for me to talk about.

I think the reason I am even writing about it now is because I am being faced with a couple of very scary things. I am losing Karl with whom I have built a life that I have treasured for over 9 years. I am also losing his family which I have come to think of as my family. Then there is our home. I had wanted to just buy Karl out, but the more I looked at it ---- I just think it would be too much for me. I need my spending money. Also, I am thinking I want to be free of the constraints created by owning property. It is easy to break a lease, but selling a home can be more of a challenge. You never know, once I pull my head, act and body together --- I just might take off for an adventure. Maybe I will finally get myself the real city --- Manhattan!! Of course I have no real idea of what the future holds -- who does?

When I got home this evening feeling rather sick from my therapy session I held Dusty and she just let me hold on to her which she licked my neck. I have gone back and forth over whether or not I should hang on to Dusty --- she brings me so much joy and I love her so much. However, there are no luxury apartments in Boston which will allow dogs. ...And, since I will be single ---- I may want a bit more freedom than owning a dog will allow. Also, I think Dusty might be happier living with Karl's parents who adore her. Karl's dad is home all day and I think he would love Dusty's company. I think Dusty will have a happier life with Karl's parents than with me. A very trusted advisor and friend told me that I was being silly --- that "Dusty is just a dog, afterall" ...but I am not sure I agree with that view. Dusty is a precious living thing who loves to be with people. What kind of life is it to be crated all day waiting for me to come home at 7pm to walk her and play with her for a few hours before I go to bed. As much as it will hurt, I need to let Dusty go.

So --- we are about to put the condo on the market. Everything in our lives is about to change. I guess I just never thought I would find myself in this place. And, while I know that we are doing the right thing that doesn't stop it from hurting like hell. This all feels like someone has died.

Life can really fuck with you sometimes. It sucks. Worst of all, I do not believe you can just stop loving someone. How does one bridge past that to move on? I guess I will learn. I just know that I do not want to be alone.

I need a Prince Charming to rush in and sweep me out of this mess. Any Prince Charmings out there in blog land?

Being Veruca Salt

...isn't easy. The bottom line is that I just want everything! I deserve it! And, yes, I am a bad egg --- but I lost that horrid red dress years ago!

No, seriously, I find Gene Wilder really hot as Willy Wonka and am worried that I will not care for Johnny Depp in the role. I mean he is hot, but in a most different way than Gene was back in 1970.

The Brian Jones Massacre, Elaine Stritch and Region-Free DVD Players!

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing Elaine Stritch live performing her one woman show at the Wilbur Theatre in Boston. I had already seen the show via DVD and loved it --- but it was so cool to see her perform the show live. I find it amazing that an 80 year old person can do the things that she does. There were a few bumps -- particularly in Act II, but no one can see The Ladies Who Lunch with the level of depth she brings to it. We had fantastic seats. It was a great show!

This morning I decided to haul my fat ass over to the Kendall Square Cinema to see the new documentary regarding the once-friendship and now rivalry between the indie bands, The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jones Massacre, ...called DIG. It was an excellent film. However, I do not care for either band. Actually, TBJM broke up a couple of years ago. However, it does make for an interesting viewing.

I guess I screwed up an ordered two region-free DVD players by mistake. Anyway, I guess it is OK. I will store one till the other one gives out. What is so cool as that I can finally watch DVD's from other countries. As example, I was able to get the whole series of "GIMMIE,GIMMIE,GIMMIE" ...shut up. I like it. I also have the Robbie Williams documentary that never made it to the US, a way cool DVD set of Goldfrapp, the controversial French horror film with Vincent Gallo and Beatrice Dalle -- TROUBLE EVERY DAY and the special edition 2 DVD set of Ken Russell's TOMMY! Wow! I am in viewing heaven! I also secured a couple of way-cool Pizzicato Five DVD's from Japan!!! Can't wait to check those out! Plus I now have VALLEY OF THE DOLLS on DVD because Fox released it in the UK, but not in the US. Am most happy about that. I intend to spend the rest of the weekend watching all of these cool things on my way-cool DVD player! However, I do have about 3 or 4 hours worth of work I will have to do tomorrow. Work has been so very busy I am unable to keep my head above water as of late.

Hope everyone is having an awesome weekend --- and, let's hope that The Red Socks do not win because Boston is full of idiots and gun-happy cops who turn the whole city upside down with the team wins. So stupid and so very sad.

Political Thoughts From My Diva of Choice!

I normally do not post much that is political, but I think that those who know me know me to be a true bleeding heart liberal to the far left. Anyway, I made my monthly pilgrimage to BARBRA'S web site and really liked her thoughts on several political topics. It is always nice when your fave movie star/singer/celebrity holds the same political convictions as your own. Anyway, here is a bit from her posting -- hope it is OK to do this. I guess it is since I am giving credit to her as author and her website ---- barbrastreisand.com

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on."
--- George W. Bush

Playing on the Abraham Lincoln adage, George W. Bush was quoted making this statement. The Bush Administration, from the outset, has used the approach of disseminating lies, lies of omission and half truths, cover-ups and smoke screens to pull the wool over the eyes of the American people. And the media has allowed them to do so. From misleading this country into war, to flip flopping on the issues and now most recently having the Vice President go on record insisting that the Iraqi war was justified regardless of a new report by Charles Duelfer. The chief U.S. weapons inspector in Iraq stated Hussein's government produced no weapons of mass destruction after 1991 and did not have the capability to do so. How many more reports do we need? Are Bush and Cheney out of touch with reality? Does Cheney really believe that Iraq just having the knowledge to produce WMD's is justification to wage a war, lose and injure thousands of young American soldiers, take innocent Iraqi lives, isolate the U.S. from the international community, and inflame the Muslim world? Or are he and the President terribly afraid to admit to the disastrous lapses in judgment that they have displayed over the last 4 years? Either answer means that Bush was deeply dishonest or he so badly misjudged the threat of Iraq that he's not up to the job of President.

Taxicab Confession...

I think due to a blend of personal stress, a bit of depression, work pressures and a poor quality of sleep ---- I am just really exhausted. I had a long, but productive day at work. However, I have a long way to go before I catch up, and, tomorrow I have to leave early for my weekly shrink appointment. There is a really nice event held by my firm in honor of administrative professionals --- and it is happening tomorrow. I really want to go --- and, because of my position, I really should be there. Anyway, I am worried that I will be too "beat up" after therapy to put on a happy face and go. We shall see.

Anyway, I took a cab home tonight because Karl has school and I was a little late. I wanted to get home to Dusty and I really didn't feel like dragging my lazy ass to the subway and dealing with fellow commuters. So, I got in the cab. ...and fell asleep. I woke up to an annoyed cabbie screaming at me to wake up. Do I hear HBO banging at the door to have me sign a release form????

Now, however, I feel a bit rejuvenate and have been playing with Dusty.

AND --- my self-purchased Bday gift of a region-free DVD player arrived today! I am all excited! By the way, my bday has yet to arrive --- I was feeling really down and decided to buy it now vs. waiting another 3 weeks.

Karl is going to be equally excited to discover that Dusty's new and improved cintonella collar has arrived. Poor little Dusty gets a bit too excited and has quite a bark --- this spraying collar seems to be the only thing that works. It really is not as mean as it sounds --- not at all harmful. Just trains her to not bark when it is on.

Oh, and today I ate one of those horrid business meeting sandwiches with a soda. Odd noises started to emit from my throat. It sounded like I was possessed by the devil. However, I do not think that was the case as my head did not spin and I failed to projectile vomit. I guess it was just gas.

I'm gassy.

How Will We Feel 20 Years From Now?

I decided I wanted to listen to a bit of Stevie Nick this morning on my way to the office. I plugged in her 1985 hit CD, "ROCK A LITTLE" ---- the first song was the second big single from the CD --- "I Can't Wait" --- and it sounds really dateed now! All of those drum machines and synthezied horns! It was such an 80's sound.

However, something caught my ear immediately --- at the mid-point of the song Stevie speaks into the microphone and asks, "How will we feel 20 years from now?" ...and, then I ralized that as of now it has been 19 years ago. I remember that this CD came out durng muy first college class.

wow. stand back ---- I'm old!

Cinematic One-Sided View

Anyone who knows me knows I love film and music. Music must surround me at all times and my taste in music varies a great deal. Also, the happiest place for me to be is the cinema. However, with each passing year I have become bored with American film making. The major American studios have even managed to infiltrate the independent American films --- or, the indie film makers are so intent on "making it" in the major markets --- they follow all the cliches set forth by the American film industry. So, I am a major fan of European cinema.

However, once again, we in America see only a very small fraction of what is out there from world cinema. Nothing seems to make me happier than seeing a new film from France --- a country which is slowly coming back into focus with interesting and challenging film making in a way the world has not seen since the days of Goddard and the like. A year or so ago I "discovered" Rainer Werner Fassbinder and I engulfed myself in German cinema --- which has proven to be a fascinating and fractured view from a country which has been fighting its way through major cultural changes since 1945. The views presented by German film is an extraordinary psychological web of emotional, social and political confusion. Fassbinder was most definitely at the head of presenting this for his generation --- and, Werner Herzog was not far behind him. Now, of course this is only my opinion --- all of art is subjective.

Over the years I would occasionally see an Asian film that would grab my imagination and challenge the way I view the world. A while back I saw a disturbing horror film by Takashi Miike, AUDITION. Upon my first viewing I found the film to be two movies in one. The first half was devoted to the romantic but somewhat cruel pursuit of perfect love --- the second was focused on extreme horror with violence that went further than any I had the displeasure of seeing. I decided that I didn't like the film at all, but I could not shake it from my memory. I researched the work of Takashi Miike and discovered his work to be sitting on a fence between high political art and totally exploitive sex and violence which seemed to be aimed at the lowest denominator. I have since seen AUDITION several times and now consider it to be one of the most powerful comments on a culture which has lost touch with itself and the sad state of affairs between people in relationships. Miike's work is not for everyone. He loves to shock and pushes the envelope all of the time, but it offers a very exaggerated view of politics --- both from a societal and sexual view.

Since "discovering" Miike I have thrown myself into Asian cinema full force and have discovered an incredible wealth of complex, beautiful and unforgettable cinematic work. Not the normal "epic/heartwarming" stuff the Oscars likes to highlight --- tho, that form of art is certainly there to be found. HERO is one of the most poetic films I have ever seen ---- sadly, 30 minutes were trimmed for US/UK release. The film as it was meant to be seen can be found out there if you look hard enough --- and for all of $20 at that!

When I do discuss Asian cinema with friends I have found that most throw Japanese, Chinese, Korean and all other Asian countries into the same pot. This is a major mistake. Every country offers its own unique take on the world and people. There are two uniquely Korean films which really fascinate me --- BAD GUY and SORUM. BAD GUY is written and directed by Korea's version of Miike, Ki-duk Kim. Kim presents a harsh mirror to his country. BAD GUY is almost a re-take of the horrid PRETTY WOMAN in reverse. A drug-dealing, pimping gang leader essentially forces a pretty college girl into a life of prostitution. ...and she falls madly in love with him. The movie is entertaining, shocking, funny, and grotesque. The end result is an unforgettable film that challenges the viewers to re-examine society's view of women and criminals. That re-examination is needed to find a way for society to improve and heal. With Sorum, Jong-Chan Yun presents a Korean horror film thru the tragic relationship between a dim-witted cabbie and a broken woman. The film is more sad than horrific. The real horror is not the ghost that haunts, but the place society has put these two people -- who are both essentially victims of a world that refuses to help and protect them.

Which makes me think of another point --- the horrible way that the American film industry is raping the power out of the entire horror genre to be found in Asian cinema. Two classic examples are the recent remakes of popular horror films, Ring and Grudge. I have not yet seen the American version of Grudge (which was made by the original writer/director, Takashaki Shimizu), however he had to make some fairly significant changes to his original script to obtain a PG-13 rating and to cut down on the intellectual pieces to his original film, Ju-On. The same was true for The Ring. The tone, violence and essential atmosphere is lost in the American-ized version of Nakata's Ringu. The American take is bombastic and puts the viewer on a fun rollercoaster --- but offers nothing for the viewer to take away from what he/she has seen.

In a very real way, I think, it is our failure to view and appreciate the cinematic art from other cultures --- which leads to our misunderstanding and distrust of other cultures. A very American film like PRETTY WOMAN shows a culture that is, at once, obsessed and repressed about sex. A culture that de-values women to a group who just wants to be swept away by a good looking man and shop. It presents a very shallow and commercial view of itself.

Please do not misunderstand me --- I do think there are and have been some astounding films made by Americans that do a much better job at representing our culture --- but very few, if any of those, had the commercial impact of Julia Roberts as a whore with a heart of gold and a desire to shop.

Another interesting American film, Mel Gibson's THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, shows how disinterested "we" are in the actual teachings of Christ --- "we" seem to be more interested in watching Christ be tortured for 2 hours with very little mention of his love. Gibson does show us that Christ liked his mom and invented the table, but I personally think that those very short scenes serve to allow us to run out for popcorn so we don't miss any of the gore and pain that followed Christ to his mortal death. The film makes the assumption that all viewers know that Christ rose from his mortal death --- the film shows us a naked and cleaned up Christ hunched over as if for a race ---- and walking out of the frame. Chances are that a lot of folks who see Gibson's film might think Christ is walking into heaven or ---- is stepping out as a spirit hell-bent on revenge. This is an American film which focuses on the torture and death vs. the most important piece of Christianity: love and forgiveness. Sadly, when one listens to most Southern Baptist Christians we hear only hate hiding behind a guise of Christ. In my opinion this R-rated $400 million dollar grossing film is a shallow shell of a movie.

Art, and cinema in particular, are powerful mediums. I find it sad that so many of us are frightened of sub-titles and to think. ...To challenge our basic beliefs. It is my opinion, that if an intelligent individual were to step back and review the world events of the last 10 years -- that person would fully realize why the United States is so hated by other countries, and ---- at the very same time, desire to copy much of what we produce. I think that individual just might see why the war we started in Iraq is leading us back into the hell of Vietnam. If we are to judge our culture by the films we seem to love --- we are a truly fucked-up bunch headed to oblivion.

Bonding with the Kids

We are giving Karl's brother and sister-in-law a break today. If you ever read Karl's blog you know that his youngest niece is quite ill and has spent most of her life in hospitals. She is currently in the Boston Floating Children's Hospital. Anyway, we are about to take the kids for the day and either explore Boston with them or take them to see some lame movie called "SHARKS" or something. I, for one, am all about the air-conditioned theatre! It will be fun to see them interact with Ms. Dusty!

Another Day At The Office OR The Doctor Is In

After a very kind warning from a very good friend, I decided I to delete this posting. Not so much because I am worried about losing my job --- that could end up being a blessing! --- But because I do not want to betray the confidence of someone who came to me for help and could be easily ID'd by my post.

I guess I hadn't thought about the fact that someone from my office might be reading my blog.

To my pal --- Thanks for letting me know! ...You would think I would have thought of that!

matt

Sick Puppy!!!

I am worried for our little Dusty. I think she may be a bit under-the-weather. She is far too relaxed and lazy with me --- just wants to be held. ...And, then of course there was the fact that she threw up and peed in her cage.

As Karl and I fight our demons --- I think I tend to project on to the little puppy. I worry for her too much and am very needy with her. However, being that she is a bit of a little drama queen, she seems to enjoy it.

Well, no real adventures to report. No one has flashed his nub of a penis at me, no more birds have fallen dead in my path --- and my subway rides today went off without much of any issues. Well, OK, there was one slight issue. I left the house at 6:30am and, for some reason, my train was full --- however I was able to secure a seat. This pretty young woman (probably in her mid-twenties) dressed in a very nice Ann Taylor suit with a mannerly coiff --- tapped me on the headset with perfectly manicured fingernails. I turned off Goldfrapp, and looked at her. She asked me if I could be a gentleman and give up my seat to her. ...I said no and focused on Goldfrapp's awesome performance of TWIST.

I am really excited about the new Barbra movie headed our way for the holidays, but I have been thinking about some of the things I have read by some very obsessive fans who managed to secure tix to see one of those rough cut previews where the audience provides feedback on what works and what doesn't. Anyway, I guess they have created a most grande entrance for Babs in the movie where the camera pans from her toes to her curly-permed head. However, there were several mentions of a funny scene with Babs demonstrating a fuck chair to DeNiro, Paltrow, Ben Stiller and that girl who plays his fiance --- I guess the scene got a lot of laughs, but the studio is wanting a PG-13 rating vs. R-rating --- so this scene may have to be cut. I have to confess I sort of want them to cut it. I mean, Babs is a great comic actress, but I don't want to see Barbra on a fuck chair! I want to see her in gorgeous clothes being bitchy!!!! Oh well, we shall see. If anyone knows anything more --- please email me!!!

Thomas -- I think you need to fly to Boston to see this movie with me and Karl! It will be THE EVENT of the year! ...Well, it will be the event of my year. I get all excited and can't stop smiling as I watch!

Like, when I was 9 and my mom took me to see A STAR IS BORN and she wanted me to go buy us a soda, gave me the money and I just sat there -- clutching the tender in my little hands with eyes glued to the screen for the full 2.5 hours. Oh, and I got my first real hard-on watching Kristofferson in the tub, but that is another blog.

Or, when all of my stoner friends took me to see YENTL on opening night back in 1983 --- an Asshole by the name of Hollis, managed to know just when to cover my eyes so that I missed Bab's first appearance on the screen. By the way, every Barbra film builds up to "THE BARBRA MOMENT" --- usually cued by music and lush panning shots. Anways, I bit Hollis and made him pay me more for his weed that week! ...the sorry bastard!

kisses from boston!
matt

existential Angst @ The Cineplex!

We had a rather mellow weekend and, somehow I managed to escape any further odd happenings! ...And, I rode the subway several times! Our pals, Chad and David, came over for dinner in the North End and we watched a bad gay DVD ---- but Scott Speedman is cute anyway. I forget the name of it, but not good.

I think the big deal for me was seeing Isabelle Huppert in I HEART HUCKABEE'S! Aside from having this exceptional woman in the film --- it also has wit, creativity and some priceless performances by Lilly Tomlin, Dustin Hoffman and Marky Mark! A definite must see!! I also saw SHANE OF THE DEAD. It was a cute zombie move, with some funny bits -- but not as good as I have been reading about for the past several months. Oh, and I saw Werner Herzog in INCIDENT AT LOCH NESS. I thought he wrote and directed it. ...But he didn't. It was a mock-u-mentary trying to be as good as Waiting for Guffman with a touch of Blair Witch. It just didn't quite work.

Spent the entire day creating the Outlook for our area at work. For those not in the know of accounting terms --- an Outlook is when one takes a look to see how well we are adhering to the budget we created. However, at my firm, the powers-that-be only allow us to have two months of actual spending to check our success or failure. ...Normally one would be provided with 6 months of expenditures to check against the budget. Two months does not provide much info. So, we looked good for two months. Not sure how much that really has to say about me.

I have been listening to Goldfrapp's Black Cherry over and over again today. I love that CD.

kisses from boston!
matt

The Blue Bird of Happiness --- Died!

I am a superstitious person. Always have been. I know it is not logical, but I was always afraid to step on cracks. I hate it when I am walking down the street with someone ---- we approach a pole, and the person allows the pole to pass between us. One should NEVER split the pole!

However, I am not an expert on all superstitions, but yesterday morning as I was approaching the side entrance of the Hancock Tower, where I work, I thought I saw a small rock fall from up-above and land on the cement infront of the entrance. As I approached I realized that this was not a rock --- it was a little blue bird. I guess the wind tunnel killed the poor little thing. Anyway, I thought to myself, "Hmmm..I know it is bad news for a black cat to cross my path, but what sort of horrible thing is going to happen to me should a small blue bird fall dead in my path on the way to work?" I stepped over the little dead bird and went to work.

I think the omen that the Gods were sending had to do with ballet. Specifically, Russian ballet in the form of the Bolshoi Ballet and Orchestra performing DON QUIXOTE at The Wang. I am in no way an expert on the art of ballet. I only know that I enjoy watching it. I love the mix of fragility and strength --- the incredible spinnings and leaps filled with grace --- and, synchronization. So, I have heard of this ballet company all my life. I rushed for tickets. The performance was last night. The sets kept going up and falling back down during Act II. At first, I thought this was some sort of post-modern twist on the dementia of Sir Quixote, but when we saw one of the ballet dancers step on to back stage from the Exit door holding a can of Diet Coke --- and then running back off the stage in fear --- We realized that the Bolshoi was having set issues. The windmill came down. Then it went up. Then Down. ...and the poor Russian dancers just kept on dancing. We had great seats for a ballet, but I also had a view of back stage left. After this castle came down and then went back up --- I could see two men fighting back stage and a tiny anorexic ballet dancer trying to break them up while sill in her tu-tu.
And the Bolshoi dancers did not seem so filled with grace and clompiness. A leap was a bound and a twirl was a human drill. The principals had much bigger legs than I normally see in a ballet. And, worst of all, the ballet performers were never quite in full sync with each other.

Now, most in the sold-out crowd seem to enjoy it. So, we figured that maybe this was what one gets when watching a Russian ballet. I felt ripped of my $100 plus servicing fees. ...Or, was this all caused by the little blue bird falling dead in my path? One has to wonder!

Oh, I saw an awesome DVD last night! A Chinese movie called "Oldboy" --- A must see for any fan of Asian cinema or suspense/mystery! I figure Disney or Warner Bros will adapt it for Bruce Willis and ruin in at some point in the near future. Hollywood sadness.

Meat Me On The Orange Line or The Meat of Strangers

Despite the very busy stuff going on at work, I've an appointment that I have to attend to on a weekly basis. However, I had a bit of trouble getting out of the office today so I was running a bit late.

I caught the Green Line (forgive me, this is Boston lingo for our horrid little trolley/subway system) ---- jumped off the Green Line at Park Street and ran to catch the Orange Line to take me to Harvard Square. Now, sometimes our trains are jam packed with people and other times there is just no one on them at all. Well, I jumped on the second train and it was me, a sleeping bum and an odd looking fellow. Naturally, the odd looking fellow opted to sit directly across from me. This was an older man. I would guess he was in his late 60's. While I could tell that he had a nice brief case ---- the only problem was that it was sort of stuffed into an old Marshall's shopping bag along with a lot of other crap.

I turned up my walkman to top volume to drown out the sounds --- which I could do the same for the smells! UGH! Anyway, I have FatBoySlim's new song "Don't Let The Man Get You Down" on continuous replay because I really like it.

So, I am trying to breath thru my mouth because I swear I could smell his every twitchy move. Despite my desire to not look at him, I was unable to not notice that the odd fellow was starting to shimmy about.

And, then it happened --- our eyes met. Now, once your eyes meet another's --- things can get strange really fast. Keep in mind that this all happened quite quickly because the Park Street Station is very close to the next stop.

Before I could look away he was talking to me as I could see his lips move. I pretended not to notice and looked past him out at the passing tunnel. We were approaching the point in the tunnel when we come out into the open air of the Charles River Stop. He banged his feet hard on the floor of the train. It woke up the sleeping bum.

Then this fellow stood up, his pants fell to his ankles, his tongue came out, he shook his hips and his erect penis swished back and forth. ...I write "swish" because everything looked way too moist!

Why me? This all I could think --- the train emerged from the tunnel. The bum started yelling something at him. I was a little worried to move because I knew I would just die if that sad little diseased stump touched my person. The train stopped and I bolted out the door and ran to the first train.

I thought about reporting it, but then I thought, "why bother?" ...so, approx 10 minutes later I stepped off the train at Harvard Square. I had to turn and look back at the second train. ...and there he sat. ...itching his crotch and yawning. It is no secret that I have been around the block more than a few times, but I don't think I have ever been flashed.

Am I living in a John Water's movie????

Soft-core Lesbian Sex Can Be Fun!!!

Now, for a man, I am about as gay as they come. However, even I got a hard-on when I first saw some Catherine Deneuve on Susan Sarandon action in THE HUNGER. I was 15 and my pal was 16 ---- we dressed up in hopes of securing tix to see the movie which we knew featured our idols of the 80's, David Bowie and Bauhaus. Nothing could prepare us for the coolness which unfolded before our stoned and fragile eyes. THE HUNGER is one of the all time coolest movies ever made -- so I was all excited upon receiving it via UPS today!

...Bela LaGosi's dead. ...undead, undead. Awesome movie!

Thus far my anus seems to be OK and Dusty is acting more normal toward me this evening. I made her eat 3 breath-enhancing doggie biscuits last night and drink lots of water. So, I guess her licks are OK. ...just don't bend over to pick up the soap!

Rimming Should Never Even Come Into the Picture Regarding Puppy Love!

OK, so this post may contain more info that you would ever want to know about me or my precious little puppy, Miss Dusty, --- but something most disturbing happened today. I was violated by my puppy.

See, I got home, slipped out of my clothes and was ready to take a shower. Then I thought to myself, "Let me boot up the stupid PC because it takes approx 20 minutes to get it up and running. So, there I was --- kneeling naked infront of the PC going thru all of the stupid prompt errors we now get --- and, then I noticed Dusty was licking the bottoms of my feet. Now, granted I did get a pedicure while in NYC, but I would rather Dusty not lick the bottom of my feet. So, I stayed focused on the PC and said, "NO,Dusty!" ...I continued to sift thru the many odd screens that pop up as we try to get on line. And, then it happened. So fast --- I could not predict or even stop it. Yes, with one swift push, Dusty inserted her puppy tongue into a place where a pet owner's pet's tongue should NEVER GO!!! I jumped about three feet into the air with the squeal of an 8th grade girl and Dusty barked and ran to her cage.

It took several soul-searching moments to come to the realization that my puppy had just attempted to rim me. This was most certainly not in the Shih Tzu training manual! To be honest, I am not sure I will ever be able to trust my puppy again.

So, the next time any of you are around our puppy, keep the above in mind as she tries to kiss you. --- AND, whatever you do, DON'T TURN YOUR BACK AND BEND DOWN! She will take advantage!

I did take a shower and am feeling a bit better. Dusty has been trying to win me back by crying for me to pick her up. ...which I did. I guess she might not have realized what she did. Oi!

...Welcome to my world of bestiality.

A Perfectly Fucktious Sunday!

Ok, so I have been trying to create a link to a posting by Jerome regarding Victorian-era gay erotica, but with no luck! Tim, if you should pop by my page please help me and post a link in the comments section! However, just stroll by Tim's blog and follow his link! A fun read with a cool new variation of the word "fuck" I had not known before! However, Jon has been kind enough to share a true erotic adventure of his own. I tell ya, these are the things of which great porn are made!

By the way, Karl and I saw A DIRTY SHAME this afternoon. My second viewing as I had promised I would not see it without him and then broke my promise when my pal, Alan, came for a visit. Anyway, is it just me or has anyone else noticed a number of references to Goddard in the movie???? I was explaining this to Karl on our walk home ---- why? I do not know as I realized that he did not know who Goddard was and I do not really think he cared to know. Oh well.

The Minnie Pearl of Pants

I have not posted in a several days and I have not had a chance to even check on my emails. Work has been crazy -- we are starting a major year long re-construction project and will be moving approximately 500 people to swing space located 3 city blocks from the office tower floors we have to demolish and rebuild. Fun stuff. Actually, if I were someone who actually enjoyed facilities work this would be a cool project. However, at the moment is seems to be a vortex of enegry and time. Then there is the rollercoaster ride called "Karl and Matt's Relationship" --- the loops pop up unexpectedly and we drop and then swivel upside down for days. But, we are still sticking the ride out trying to figure out if we have stayed too long at the fair or maybe we just need to jump on to another ride. Forgive the analogy -- it is close to 2am. lol. Oh well.

Dusty got her second hair cut today! Or, I guess we should call that a grooming experience ---- I felt really sorry for the poor guy who was washing and cutting Ms. Dusty. However, they both got through it. ...as did the other customers and animals at PetCo who looked thru the glass in horror at the shrieks and high pitched screams coming from a tiny dog. She really is tiny, too! She was all hair! She has a "puppy cut" and is most cute! I also picked out two really styling sweaters for the coming winter for our princess bitch! One is from the newly-released Barbie Pet Collection! Gorgeous little pink number which is sure to be all the rages for female puppies in the know. Also found a way cool fringe - 1970's inspired fringe hot pink sweater for the girly puppy who like to get the groove goin' when she prances out for a wiz in the snow! Dusty also got several new plush toys designed by the folks at Barbie for Pets. She really loves them!

Last night me and Jen took in a movie. We saw the Stephen Fry flim, BRIGHT YOUNG THINGS, which was quite good. A couple of the male actors were sooooo cute, but seemed like babies leaving Jen and I to feel a bit pervish. However, I should stress that all were of "legal tender" --- Speaking of movie boy stars, New England is being assaulted with Jude Law posters of his 21 Century re-make of "Alfie" -- which I figure will either feature a hip-hop version of that old song by Lil Kim or Dido. Anyway, I know that Jude Law is attractive, but he really does not do much for me. I mean, what is the big deal? I am sorry, but Johnny Knoxfield and all those JackAss/Wild Boys men are much hotter. I might have Johnny's last name wrong -- but you know of whom I speak!

Anyway, I had to run by the restroom before the start of the movie. I was wearing a new pair of casual dress pants. ...Jen didn't notice. sigh. Anyway, as I was, um, relieving myself I noticed that there was a price tag hanging on the inside of the pants. So, took a look in the mirror, and sure enough, there was a sticker price tag just below my belt. Color me embarrassed.

I guess I should head to bed! I will need to catch up with all my blog pals!