Gay Energy

Well, we leave for Provincetown tomorrow morning for a vacation! My doctors want me to get the relaxation of the beach and the forced social interaction of a million gay boyz that make up Ptown. I think I am just about all well and ready to get my butt back to work, but am still working through these stupid social phobias I've developed. I've never had social phobia before so this is really embarassing for me.

Anyway, the thought is that being engulfed in all that gay energy will snap me back to my normal reality. I also think it is just going to be good for me and Karl to get away from everything for a little while. The poor guy has been my rock and has been through all of this hell with me. He needs a break. Our pals, Peter and Duncan, are going with us. We've rented a condo near the main drag. ...so to speak. Anyway I am looking forward to it, he says with weary concern and fear. There will be no nude sunbathing for moi this year as one of my meds has put an additional 30 pounds on me. Not too pretty this summer. Oh well.

I won't be able to work on my Blog after today till August 2nd --- and it is likely I won't get to sit down and focus til August 3rd or 4th. Try not to miss me too much!

With a single soft kiss,
matt

Nothing's Shocking...

Color me surprised! While I was picking up my DVD copy of "Spun" I noticed that Jane's Addiction has reformed and released a new CD! I was so excited and had no idea that they had gotten back together. I was addicted to Jane's Addiction back in the day --- 1988/1990. ...and then that whole Porno For Pyros thing started and I just lost interest. Well, I didn't purchase their new CD. I just sort of held it and studied the look of the band 13 years later. How is it that heroine addicts are allowed to age better than me? It is just not fair. This pissed me off so I put the CD down and grabbed the DVD of "Spun"

By the way, "Spun" is not a really a good film ---- just a really odd one that is filmed with a great deal of style and interesting performances. Plus how can one resist Mickey Rourke as a crystal meth cook in love with Brittany Murphy or John Leguizamo jumping about in nothing more than a sock or Debbie Harry as a butch dyke hell bent on saving a large-breasted stripper from the likes of a tweaking Jason Schwartzman! After viewing I will probably feel like I need a shower to cleanse from all of the filth, but I figure it will be well worth it!

I took in a movie today and saw "The Sea Is Watching" ----- this 2002 Japanese film was the final screenplay by Akira Kurosawa. Although, not as strong as what you would expect from this great director it was a beautiful/haunting film. I really enjoyed it. It is in limited release in the US at this time. If it makes it to your neck of the wood's I highly rec. it! It is playing at the Kendall Square Cinema in Cambridge. Seeing this movie only increased my desire to see Japan! But how would I deal with such a long flight? Ugh! ...and how to convince Karl to travel to Japan?!?!?

Some Cool New Places to Visit!

It has been a while since I found some new cool Blogs to visit, but I just recently discovered two! I've added them to my fave links, but be sure to check out Thomas' chronicle of life at Homoesque! and don't miss The Sardonic Bomb! As everyone knows, the best way to discover Blogs is by reviewing the links provided by the Blogs we like --- Thomas linked to Scott. ...and so the Blogging goes.

Romantical!

Today we hit our 8th Anniversary. Hard to believe that Karl and I have been together since 1995 ---- seems like just yesterday I was sitting in my apartment ready for a night with the VCR and a pizza, but the lights went out so I ended up reading a local paper by the light of the street lamps that glowed in through my kitchen window. I came across a personal ad that made me laugh and I could not resist calling in and leaving a message. ...That message changed both of our lives forever ---- and for the better.

I got Karl a very dull gift this year to celebrate our anniversary, but he came up with an origianl and romantic gift for me. He had two pictures of us taken back when we first met framed with a copy of his personal ad that caught my eye 8 years ago. I thought I would share the ad:

Boring in Back Bay
24, 160lbs, 5'11" with bad attitude, poor taste and no sense of humor. Seeking similar into alternative music, quiet times at home. Not into smoke/drugs or club scene.

We spent the day haning out with our two closest friends, Pete and Duncan, at the beach. It was a lovely day and a lovely way to celebrate the day. Amazing how fast time flies and how much gets crammed into such a quick gap of time. It has been a fantastic 8 years and I anticipate even more adventures as we share the rest of our lives together. By the way, there is not and never was anything boring about Karl. It is all good and romantical.

Credit in the Straight World...

I just sat through a 3 hour plus ESPN television special of a mock trial regarding whether or not Pete Rose should or should not be admitted to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Now, I only know that this hall of fame place exists thanks to a Cher movie. Remember? In "Mermaids" when they all go there to make Bob Hoskins happy? When I saw this movie in 1990 I was confused by that scene.

I know nothing about baseball --- except I do like the uniforms. ...Particularly the pants --- both from the front and back side views. Yes, I like the baseball pants a lot. However, I have no idea how Pete Rose hit a field goal or what he did to get the ball in the funny hoop thing.

Despite all of this --- I was glued to the TV screen. Now, it would appear that the fundamental rule of baseball is that players and managers are not to bet. This is like some sort of cardinal sin and it prevents the gambler from ever getting into that hall of fame. Apparently, Mr. Rose did some bettin' on the game while he was a manager for some baseball team. So, if you ask me, he does not merit admission to this Baseball Hall of Fame. No matter how hot his ass looked in those pants, he has no business in a fame hall with the other hero quaterbacks. No way. This was not how the mock jury felt and by a majority vote of 8 to 4, they ruled that he should be admited to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Like my Grandmother used to say, "The country is goin' to Hell in a bread basket!"

Anyway, I think I deserve some hetro-merit for having devoted so much of my Thursday evening to watching this mock trial. Perhaps I should be entitled to a free oil change or something. I could be wrong, but I do not think it was correct for a strapping young gay man, like myself, to have spent his evening thinking about baseball. In fact, I think it may have been quite wrong and I deserve something for my efforts.

OH! Goldfrapp has posted their new video, "Strict Machine", to their website. Most cool. Their other video from "Black Cherry", "Train", is still posted to the site. Train is one of the most unusual videos I've seen in a while. Check 'em out if you've not seen/heard. Goldfrapp --- just click on the birdman hugging the horse and then click on the little cabins to find the videos from "Black Cherry"!

Rebel Rebel

I've been eating better. ...much better, actually. And I've started to drop some of the weight I gained from the medication I was taking back in May. But, today the yogurt and seltzer water had the look of torture. I just couldn't bear the idea of having a peach yoggie and seltzer for lunch. Now, one would hope that I would do something sensible like make a sandwich or go get a salad, but sometimes hope doesn't make it to the finish line. I drove to Burger King and experienced the new and limited edition "American Burger" with a bucket of Coke. ....Regular Coke --- not diet. It was fantastic and felt oh-so-good to rebel against the tyranny of dieting. Further down my sad gaunlet of sin, I passed the gym and headed for the pc where I proceeded to explore the far vast regions of the cyber world. At 4PM I decided to take a break from surfing the World Wide Web and watched two episodes of Judge Judy. Now, I am back at the computer confessing my sins.

A little over a week till PTown. Something tells me I will not be skinny-dipping this year. I would hate to frighten my fellow gay beach goer's with my portly frame uncovered. Then again, do I really care what anyone else thinks? ...yes, I do.

The new Liz Phair CD really rules. I've been playing Goldfrapp's Black Cherry non-stop, but now it has been replaced by Liz Phair. For those of you who might have the new Liz Phair CD, doesn't track 11 rock? I love singing it at the top of my lungs as I drive down the expressway. Big thanks to Duncan for turning me on to this awesome CD.

Yesterday I had about 5 hours to kill prior to more heavy duty therapy so I spent the day at the movie theatre. As I have already seen almost everything in release I had to take in "The League of Gentleman" and "Charlie's Angels: Full Throtle"
Much to my surprise, I really enjoyed the League-o-gents. Charlie's Angels bit. If you want to see a cool movie, check out "Swimming Pool" --- first English lang. film from Francois Ozon. Well, enough rambling for today.

Moistly yours, matt

A Serious Matter for Further Consideration

Sometimes, as I attempt to find Mary Hart in the fog that is the extreme soft-focus and white light of "Entertainment Tonight" ,or "ET!" to those of us in the know, I contemplate the cruelty of the aging process. Entering your late 30's just sucks because you still look pretty good, but little things no longer look right.

The tummy is not flat --- in fact, it has expanded beyond the edge of the belt.

Pecs seem to be turning a bit boobish.

Signs of Excess skin are starting to pop up.

Food has become the enemy.

The "big 40" is just a few years away and who knows what my body will decide to do!

...and I am searching for a way to hide in soft-focus white light like Mary Hart. Just hide! Oh, and by the way I try to excercise and do all the aerobic things --- but most of the time I am too busy watching "ET!"

Do I Offend?

Oh dear, I seem to have upset my life partner/husband/boyfriend/lover/soul-mate/domestic partner, Karl, with my last two posts. I didn't mean to upset him, but sometimes the truth hurts. And the bottomline is he refuses to let me have cats and resents all things Babs. As he tells it, the cats will destroy our furnishings and all of his senses are already bombarded by all things Barbra --- he feels he should at least be spared the Scassi Babs Scarf and life size "A Star Is Born" posters. He went on to tell me that the only sense not yet touched by Barbra Streisand is his sense of smell.

Hmmm... I have been meaning to invest in one of those Barbra Streisand rose bushes.

Anyway, while he has a point about Babs and he has prevented me from turning into a Babs Museum, I still think 2 cats would bring a great deal of warmth to our lives. Per the advice of more than a few folks, I guess the declawing would have to happen to protect furniture. Just hate the idea of it. Of course, at this rate it isn't going to happen anyway.

The doctors have decided that I should be sane enough to return to work for the second Monday in August. However, they are only letting me return on a part time basis for the first two weeks. Not sure how that will work, but am really ready to have my life back and get back to work. I miss it and all of my co-workers!!

Oh, by the way --- be sure to check out Thomas' exciting adventure involving a shower, a pesky moth and an almost unspeakable invasion! Quite funny to read, but most certainly would have been a terror to experience! Hang in there, Thomas! It could have been worse. I grew up in Texas and once had one of those flying roaches chase me through the house. ...while I was naked. ...but that is a whole other blog.

Oh, and my pal, Duncan, turned me on to the new Liz Phair CD. I LOVE it! I had read the whole CD was a sell-out, but it sounds more like progression to me. For those of you who are aware of the CD, track 11 is my favorite. Have also slipped back into my Kylie phase again. Speaking of which, I think it is about time for Kylie to give us a new album! Me and countless other 8th grade girls are eagerly awaiting more tunes!!!!

Want of Pussy

OK, I want a cat. Well, really, I want two cats because I think it would be mean to have one little cat all alone without a fellow feline friend. Karl does not want cats. He thinks they will smell, dirty the condo with hair and that I will spend too much money caring for them. He thinks I will spoil them. I probably will/would.

However, Karl is a sucker for cute animals so I think I should just throw caution to the wind, pick up two kittens and bring them home. Once Karl sees the two cute critters (which would be named "Petal" and "Gus") he will fall in love with them and all will be well in the Coleman-Stanfield home.

My only concern is that Karl will make us get them de-clawed. I could be wrong, but that seems like cutting off a kitty's fingers. I don't think I could deal with that. I mean, cats love to "stretch" their claws to relax. How could we steal that joy from Petal and Gus? Perhaps it is best that I not pursue cats. I don't know. This will require more thought.

Broken Records and Other Things for the Sake of Love...

As Karl and I approach our 8th anniversary I celebrate the many wonderful things that come with a healthy relationship. There are so many things to discover about yourself, your lover and each other when sharing a life. And as every self-help book states --- relationships are often about compromise. For the sake of love we make compromises and, sometimes, we must make tough sacrifices. I have had to make some heavy concessions for my love --- yes, I've had to give up Barbra Streisand memoribillia.

Try not to cry for me, tho my sacrifices take a heavy toll -- I love my man and am therefore able to put away my collector Scassi scarf adorned with images of Barbra through the decades. The collectable scarf sits dormant in a drawer with my swimsuits.

When I met Karl I had my 1984 picture disc of Bab's bid for 80's rock album cred, "Emotion" hanging above my toilet. I had it hanging on one nail through the center hole thus allowing my restroom guests the chance to give Babs a spin as they took a piss. I thought it wonderful decor. Karl did not. I put my beloved and valuable picture disc away in my trunk-o-memories. There it has sat for 8 years.

When Karl balked at my 4' x 5' poster of "A Star Is Born" which I hung in the safety of my kitchen, I proved my love by tossing the poster.

I wore my Streisand '94 tour t-shirt as a night shirt till it was a mere thread --- my suggestion at stuffing it as a decorative pillow was met with a great degree of scorn. So, I let it go.

Two years ago, while we were vacationing in Provincetown (PTown to those in "the know" ---- the gay mecca of the United States northeast) I came upon a way-cool chip or party tray sculpted out of a vinyl copy of the first Barbra Streisand album. Karl agreed that this was a creative and fun item --- so I purchased it and it set on our coffee table for almost 2 years. Then, about 5 months ago, we decided to invest in honest-to-God-grown-up furnishings for our condo. Gone was our cheap coffee table --- replacing it was a way-serious stone and steele slab. Suddenly, my cute Babs chip tray was an eye-sore and had to be removed. I decided to mount it on the inside of our guest bathroom door.

Tonight I shut the door a bit too hard and fast and my record tray slipped off the door to the floor and broke. As I morn for my broken Babs record chip tray, I think of the many other Babs-O-Cool things that sit, hidden in our home. In addition to my Scassi Barbra Scarf and Emotion picture disc --- there is the wonderous Barbra Streisand Album clock hidden away in the guest room, my Babs magnet collection sticking to the SIDE of our fridge, my Babs scrapbook hidden in the bookcase, my souvenier books, my limited edition originial soundtrack to "Nuts" CD -- and much more is hidden from view. Ah, the treasures I have hidden for love.

I should note that Karl did allow me to have the sleeve for the "A Star Is Born" album along with Kate Bush's
"The Dreaming" and Debbie Harry's "kookoo" framed and hung in our living room --- so I've not had to give up everything. Tho, he did suggest it when our new sofa arrived --- he relented. Why, you ask? ...cause he loves me and it is all about compromise.

The Further Decline of Western Civilization and Judd Nelson...

You know things are getting bad when a TV personality grabs all major headlines for doing a 40 year old Brat Packer who seems to be rising from the ashes which can almost be identified as those of "GI Jane" ----- am not certain, but some of those ashes might belong to "Striptease" Oh well. The one thing that we must give Demi is that she can make a good come back, tho a slutty one --- it does seem to be effective. We just can't get enough shots of Demi in various states of undress -- especially when sharing a warm cup of joe with her ex-husband or sharing in lick shots with Ashton.

At any rate, I've lived in fear of a full-frontal return of the Brat Pack. Signs of this motely crew's return to power keep floating to the surface. I offer the following as examples:

Rob Lowe continues to get work during prime time and has achieved a level of respectability
Charlie Sheen is a valued sitcom star and spokesperson for a major credit card company
Ally Sheedy has secured art cred among independent film --- ultimate screen comeback is pending
Jamie Gertz is enjoying a turn on a hit sitcom
Andrew McCarthy seems to have an in with the Hallmark Network and loads of bad TV movies
Emillio Estevez continues to secure work as a film director -- no bad how the resulting films are
Molly Ringwald and Anthony Michael Hall have become a cool names for other celebs like Courtney and Brad to drop
Despite a continued spiral to the gutter, Robert Downey Jr. gets good work and is repspected by the industry

All of this bodes quite badly for all of us as a nation. Let's not forget that the Brat Pack came to power during a Republican administration. The stage has been set. I fear we are just a few button pushes away from a Molly Ringwald/Luke Wilson romance film --- cue John Hughes productions.

Perhaps the thing we need to be most concerned about is Judd Nelson. Sure, you think he is just a harmless actor with a mototcycle --- but I've been watching since he re-appeared in the ill-fated Brooke Shields sitcom and I fear his hold over the nation may be at hand. Even I have fallen prey. Yes. For I now find Mr. Nelson attractive. Actually, he is so damn hot it hurts. The tassled hair, goofey smirk of a smile and the whole "Mr Safe/Danger" attitude is more than a little tempting. I am warning all of you --- Judd is coming back in a big way and I worry that I will be right on the Judd-O-Rama wagon when it pulls up. So, I am asking you to help me. When this happens, do whatever you need to do to get me off that wagon. Pull me off by force --- Just don't let me fall prey to the nostrils of desire!

Keep me safe and God protect us from the rise of The Brat Pack. ...If you thought 20-something Brat Packers were rough, wait till you get a taste of the Packers in their 40's! It won't be pretty --- it could signal the end of our world as we know it. ...just my opinion. Now, I think I will go watch my "St. Elmo's Fire" DVD and bask in the glow that is Judd Nelson.

Thoughts While Listening to Swayzak and Lusting for Jack White

I wonder why Swayzak never got hold of a significant audience? Don't get me wrong, I adore Miss Kittin, Peaches and Fischerspooner --- but Swayzak would have been far more deserving of the attention that these artists have received. Oh well. I love them and have a number of thoughts running through my head as I listen.

Today I changed my diet. No more junk food pour moi. From here on out I plan to eat in all ways healthy and am desperate to lose a bit of weight. It was bad enough when I expanded to a 33 size waist, but I've now pushed beyond to 34. ...well, if I wear a 33 it becomes a bit obscene. Pants that tight should only be worn by Tom Jones and I should think the year would need to be 1970 or something.

Anyway, I've had to "re-learn" a few key things like snacks are only allowed if made up of carrot sticks and that quitting soda cold turkey is rough. It hurts! I am trying to "re-aquire" my taste for seltzer water and juice. Not so easy.

I also returned to the routine of working out --- which I've not been able to do since getting sick. So, am back in the gym! I tried to do 5 reps of all gym equipment this morning. ...I managed 2. My workout was followed by a migraine which, luckily, was not a really bad one. After whinning to a therapist for 90 minutes today I managed to go to the grocery store and pick up bananas and cherry juice. And that, ladies and gentleman, was basically the extent of my day. Exciting stuff, eh?

My administrative assistant sent me an email with a question related to work. That made my day. I am so eager to get back to work that I basked in the glow of a professional question! Kind of sad, but am determined to be back at work for first week of next month!!!! I will continue to go along with the doctors for this month, but I want my life back!!!

We have now moved into the second half of 2003 and I have made my choice for the best CD of the year --- thus far. Goldfrapp's "Black Cherry" totally rules. If you do not own it --- I highly reccomend it. Electronica that floats between ambient chill-out and hardcore dance. Check out their web site as well. The video for their single, "Train", is most cool. The White Stripes' "Elephant" comes in quite close and this has nothing to do with the fact that I have a crush on Jack White -- "Elephant" is a kick-ass CD, but I have to go with Goldfrapp as my favorite.

Oh! And I've almost watched all of the newly released Babs Streisand DVD's! They are like butta. Karl has even watched a few with me! ...and he even enjoyed them. By the way, I may have a crush on Jack White but he is in no way hotter than Mr. Karl Coleman. He continues to rock my world.

Give Me A Beat (!) or The Importance of Control...

Yesterday I decided to plug the 1986 Janet Jackson CD, "Control" into our CD player and listened to it again on my drive to therapy this morning. 17 years later, I find that this CD still kicks major ass. It rules. I remember thinking it sounded so unique back in the day. Now it does sound of 80's dance, but it still has a fresh factor. As Ms. Janet (cause I am probably 'nasty') said during the bridge, "I could learn to like this" Fun with a beat and a few messages. I don't think Madonna has made anything that has aged as well.

However, I still sense some conflict for our Janet when it comes to control and those nasty boys. Is it just a nasty beat she likes or does it go a bit deeper ---- and isn't there a bit of ambiguity regarding the hold of control? Just a few questions to ponder when you groove to Janet's massive breakthrough album.

On other topics, I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of The Streisand DVD Collection!!! Yes, at long last, Babs and Warner Bros has released some more movies to DVD! This time we have "What's Up Doc?" "Up The Sandbox" "The Main Event" and "Nuts" ---- I can hardly wait!

OH! And Francois Ozon's latest film, Swimming Pool, hits theatres today. It is my opinion that Ozon may be the most important director working at this time. And --- this marks his first attempt at a film in the English language. Am all excited. By the way, if you've not seen "Under the Sand" or "8 Femmes" --- you need to and both titles are available for purchase or rental.

Well, the shrink gave me homework as I see him again tomorrow. Kids, the road back to normal mental health is a long and bumby one. Don't let anyone ever fool you. However, I shall make it back. This I vow. The question is how much longer will this take before I can return to functioning adulthood. ...How much longer till I am back in "CONTROL"?!?!?