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Tuesday, December 16, 2003

The Dentist Wants Me

I went in to see my dentist this afternoon to address a loose cap. As I walked into the dentist's lair I asked the dental assistant if she could please stay in the room for the duration of my visit. She looked puzzled and asked why. In my own rambling way I said something to the effect that I was unable to work the thing that releases water for me to rinse my mouth. This took me several minutes. She shrugged her shoulders and said she would hang around if I felt I might need her.

I then covered my crotch with my hands and waited for my friendly dentist to arrive. When he arrived he asked me how things were going, how was work, what were my plans for Christmas, what was I doing to celebrate the New Year and if I was enjoying all the snow. I was friendly and answered all questions while keeping my hands placed firmly over my crotch. No free grabs today!!

He took out the loose cap and put it back on with more cement. He asked me to bite down gently on this gauze thing. He told me I would need to bite down on it for 5 minutes. Thus began an awkward 5 minutes of him sitting at my right side looking at me and the dental assistant sitting to my left looking out the window. I decided to shut my eyes. My right arm was starting to fall asleep so I had to give up the guard over my groin area. Toward the end of the 5 minute bit of dental strange-ness --- the dentist touched my hair and said, "I really like the way you've combed your hair. It looks really good." I said thank you through a mouth filled with gauze and cement.

He then "cleaned" off the excess cement and patted me on my knee and said, "All set!" He walked me to the counter, touched my back and said to call him at any time should I experience any discomfort and then advised the lady working the front desk that there "was no charge for Matt!" ...However, I do not think a dentist would ever charge a patient for fixing a cap the he had put on like this. I guess I could be wrong.

I walked out of his office feeling kind of icky, but also a bit flattered. I am thinking that I might need to get a new dentist. I just hate it because he is really a very good dentist. However, I suspect it is a cavity of a whole different area that is of interest to him and that's creepy. I mean, he is a dental professional. Of course, I guess they have needs too.

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