Hair Dream

I am worried. My dreams have really become so very dull.

Last night I dreamed that I was in my high school gym locker room. I was all alone, but sweaty --- so I took a shower. I got dressed. I stopped by the mirror to mess my hair a bit (as I do) and saw that I had a really full head of hair. So I decided to comb it so that I had bangs. I had to angle my head down to comb --- when I would look up at the mirror my current hair was back on my head. If I angled my head down, the hair of my youth returned. I decided that all I needed to do was locate a can of Aqua Net, douse my hair while looking down and my hair of youth would stay. Luckily, I found a can near the tub of jock straps. I sprayed a ton of the stuff in my hair only to realize that it wasn't Aqua Net ---it was Windex. I looked up in the mirror and all that happened was that my current 37 year-old hair was doused with cleaning fluid and it was dripping all over my shirt. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and said, "shit" ...then I woke up.

What is wrong with me?

If I were any normal sort of snap-happy gay fellow I would have dreamt that the shower was full of hot jocks who bathed me and did other unmentionable things to my person. I would have emerged from the shower sporting perfect pecs, a 6-pack and really defined legs --- you know, like, with big calves. A hunky hair dresser would meet me at the mirror and brush through my thick mane of hair. I would look fabulous. Cute male cheerleaders would beg me to come play with them in the tub of jock straps, but I would decline and fly out of the locker room and into the sky for further erotic adventures with hot asian men.

But, no. I get to dream about bad hair and cleaning fluid.

I am worried that I am turning into that character played by the comedian whom I can't remember in that movie for which I forget the title --- you know the one I mean? The one where the guy dreams he is sitting at a table sipping soup. It is all he ever dreams. ...I really don't wanna be that guy.