SHARING THIS MOMENT WITH YOU...

I just wanted to take a few minutes to share this moment with you. It is about 25 minutes after Noon as I sit at my favorite table at my favorite cafe -- you know, the one not too far from Castro Street but far enough that I don't feel totally enslaved to tourism and the beat. Anyway, I am sitting here. The impossibly thin and bitchy woman is ordering her coffee from the sweet little boy who works the counter. The guy who always chats with me has shaved his head (a mistake in my opinion) seems to be pondering life -- or, possibly his oddly formulated omelet. And, here I am. Watching. Not much is happening to report in my little Hello Kitty pocket journal which I can later transcribe. No, this is a very free-form moment filled with possibilites.

I am not being honest.

Yes. This is a free form moment, but it is not wrought with possibilites. Mainly -- this moment is about my shoes. Yeah, my shoes. Last night as I worked my way down Market Street to check my mail box I stopped by one of my favorite thrift shops and finally gave in and bought those $12 pair of sneakers. The brown ones by Steve Madden with the pink stripes and pink laces. They are perfect. And, they are on my feet. Size 8. No one has made mention of my "new" shoes excepting Alan who commented as I whisked by him to catch the M train, "My, but those shoes have a bit of a pink streak!"

I am not being honest.

Yes. Alan did make comment on my way-cool-perfect shoes, but he said, "Matt, your shoes are pink."

"Is that bad?"

"No. They are absolutely fabulous." ...but, Alan said this in a tone which indicated that he was more amused than impressed. He did, however, like my print shirt which is filled with images from B-grade Karate flicks of the 70's. Silk-screened so that the images over-lap and look like drawings. I had forgotten I had picked this up a month or so ago.

But, I wish you could see me in my karate flick designer, pink/brown shoes and vintage jeans glory. No so much because I think I look good or anything -- but because I want to know if you think I look like a victim of fashion, a slave to it or an urban hipster queer waiting to meet up with his best pal and his boyfriend (who I hope might really like me and will not dump me when he discovers my many faults) ---- You see, I want to share this minute with you to find out if I look OK or just bad.

I don't think any of us have the ability to actually "see" or "understand" how we look. I am not sure that is even possible. I see this all the time. Just look over at the flirty guy who shaved his head. Or, my Ing who has not concept of how very hot she is. Or, that girl who sat by me on the M train wearing the "baby doll" t-shirt and tight jeans which served only to cause us all to focus on this big roll of fat which hung over her jeans and betrayed her attempted look. I don't think she would have worn that outfit had she realized. And, the look could have worked had she been working it --- but her insecurity undermined any possible charm of cuteness her clothing might have accented.

Yesterday someone started in on a topic which I shall not make mention of here. But, the long and short of his rant was that he and I needed to teach all those mid-to-late 30's men how not to dress. To be honest, I thought he was being kind of mean to me but it turned out that he thought I was in my late 20's -- he thought I was his age. ?????

Now, I know I should walk away from this feeling cool. However, I walked away wondering why or how he could possibly mistake me for being 28 or 29 and, if he really did ---- does this mean that I act immature? When the person who was with me asked him how old he thought I was and then told him my age (oh, and thanks for that!) he responded by saying that I was so "young looking" "cool" "thin" and "dressed so well" --- but, were these back-handed compliments? I am not fishing here. No, I am simply sharing my thoughts and insecurities. I am -- sharing this moment.

So, I do wish I could show you "my look" of the moment. My costume for the day. My Little Eddy Moment.

Last night Alan and I watched Araki's film version of MYSTERIOUS SKIN. I had not seen it since it played in cinemas last year. It blew both of us away. And, reminded both of us how very lame The OSCARS really are. This was the best acted film of 2005. And, that Joseph Gordon Levitt may turn out to be the most important actor to come our way in years. Remarkable work. And, OK -- I am comfortable enough to admit it. I think he is incredibly hot. I know he is only something like 25, but he is so fucking cute. So hot that it doesn't even matter that he really doesn't have an ass. I am NOT a dirty old man. I am just saying -- he's really hot. ...and, he gave the best performance of 2005. If you ask me. Actually, I guess he might be in a tie with Jennifer Jason Leigh who took only five minutes of PALINDROMES and totally rocked the screen as a 12 year old girl. Amazing.

Speaking of MYSTERIOUS SKIN -- both, Alan and I had to admit guilt in that we found the pedophile coach in the movie to be pretty hot. Well, not the pedophile coach, but the actor playing the pedophile coach. He was hot. Tho, not as hot as Mr. Gordon Levitt. But, Bill Sage is certainly more age appropriate for both of us.

Even still, this incredible guy I've met, "B" --- is better looking than both of these movie actors. And, equally talented. Just in a different area. He is a really gifted artist. He was working on an art project for a queer theory class he is taking when I first met him. He presented the finished project to the prof and the class earlier this week. He told me it was a big hit. He also told me that I served as his "muse" ---- No one has ever called me a "muse" before. I was so flattered. Tho, I think I'd rather be a "siren". ....You know, calling sailors off their charted course and into the rocks of doom and the depths of death. I'm so romantic. ...Must be the shoes. They have a pink streak.

Well, kids. This was my moment. No spell or gram check. Pure and true -- the moment. Shared.

iPod Shuffle, Saturday Morning On My Way to My Moment...
"Slide In (DFA Remix)" by Goldfrapp
"Weekend (James Iha Remix)" by Ladytron
"Plotzich Is Alles Anders" by Stereo Total
"Youth In Asia" by Dirty Sanchez
"The Ballad of Sexor" by Tiga
"Like A Motorway" by Saint Etienne
"You Better, You Bet" by The Who
"Paris Four Hundred" by Mylo
"Koko" by Goldfrapp
"You Can Feel Me" by Har Mar Superstar
"Killing A Boy" by Melody Club
"I Go Hard, I Go Home" by The Presets
"Fistful of Love" by Antony & The Johnsons

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