PROCESSING AGE

This weekend I have thought a great deal about getting older and the challenges (and rewards) that come with it. A part of me is really fascinated to see how my journey has gone and continues to go but another aspect of self is screaming, "No! I don't wanna get old!" ...but the good news is that I appear to be getting older --- much better than the alternative. And, I don't guess I am horribly unhappy with the way the aging process is treating me. But, still --- it can be a bit worrying to realize that I've most likely already passed or am passing the mid-point of my life. I mean, how did that happen?

Thursday I was entering a new patient into the system at work and it struck me that this adult was born in 1983. ...A year I remember quite well. As if it were almost yesterday, actually. And, then I met another patient well into the 60's who carried that offensive scent of mothballs. What is it about turning 60 that makes everyone want to freeze their food and pack their clothing in mothballs!?!?! Will that happen to me? Will I grumble about those kids who play their music too loudly? Not yet. I am still in that category of people who get asked to turn the music down. But, it could happen.

I've a friend who has lived an exciting and full life. He is currently entering into a battle for his life. A battle which I feel he will win but a very horrible time for both he and his family. I am so worried for him. And, I seem to find little comfort in the fact that he is older and has had a wonderful ride on this planet. In fact, I sometimes find myself wondering if we have our views out of alignment. I mean. We all cringe and cry when a young person loses life. This seems natural. A young person has not had the chance to taste all that life has to offer. Or, could it be that it is somehow harder to let go when you HAVE tasted most of what life has to offer. You know more of what is to be missed. I think the bottomline is that it is hard to let go which is why most of us cling so hard to life and all that it may or may not mean. We don't want to lose it.

...And, none of us seems to --- as much as we grind out heels into the dirt to the grave --- wants to be "old" Yet, like taxes. Death is really all that is promised to each of us. Or, rather, as Gaiman's "Sandman" comic once stated -- we all get the same: a lifetime. Does the span really matter? I think it does but maybe the next curve on the journey is a lot better than the one we are all taking at such high speeds right now. 1983, indeed.

Anyway, this weekend I bypass'd SNAKES ON A PLANE because I could not find a way to score two tickets. And I took in a viewing of the independent film, THE BOYNTON BEACH BEREAVEMENT CLUB, which would appear to be as close to a realistic but upbeat look at getting older than one is likely to see. There was much truth to be found in the movie and I loved the fact that the older actors were playing characters against western stereotype and were allowed to lust, have sex, be angry at their children/grandkids/grandkids and animals. In the end, the film showed the pain of loss and the joy of discovery --- at any age. And, it also allowed us to see that old doesn't mean "the end" --- actually, the growth continues. And, also, in the end -- we are all children forever. We never really grow up. I think a better way to phrase the process is "evolve" --- we evolve and, I hope, learn to cope better with the shoes that SHE drops on us from time to time.

One of the aspects of this film that sparked some ideas and some interesting conversations between me and B were two actors in the film: Brenda Vacarro and Dyan Cannon. Two very different type of film actors. Both have been on the fringes of mainstream entertainment for the last couple of decades because of -- well, age. Both are talented actors. Yet, both have approached their work from different angles. Both started out at about the same time. Vacarro was born in 1939 and Cannon hit the pavement a couple of years earlier in 1937. Both were screen beauties who were just a tad too old to be full on hippies but also young enough have edge. Both did nudes scenes but played roles that required more than just a hot pair of tits. Their options both started to limit at about the same time. Vacarro opted to not fight against time -- she allowed her curves to curve out more and took on the "best friend" and "mom" roles quickly. Cannon, really more the movie star who never got the lead roles didn't take things so easily. She dieted and ran to surgery. The results have been a bit mixed. Vacarro does a lot of voice-overs and was the FIRST actress to do open ads for tampons. Vacarro did the Vegas thing and did a great deal of B grade older sex pot roles but all led to a turn on some good TV programes in the 90's. Now, as they enter their 70's they are in the same film and it is hard to say who is more attractive/interesting. They are talents are fairly equal in my book. dyan -- youngtoday and pushing 70...

However, there is something much sexier about Vacarro who has allowed her body to age as it was probably more intended. At the same time, there is something kind of hot about Cannon in her form fitted jeans and long golden thread of hair. brenda in the mid-1970's...
brenda today and just two years away from 70
And, then we have Sally Kellerman who was never allowed in the mainstream anyway and who, in this new film, takes the bold move of doing full on nudity without the aid of back lighting and soft focus granted to Diane Keaton a few years back. And, she looks damn good. And, the men in the film take some chances, too. But our society has it out for the women. So, I was relieved to see the way the director and writer (both female) approached their female characters. It would have been so easy to cast Dyan Cannon as the character the other women hate for being "too hot-too-trot" or something. However, a more realistic approach was taken. Each character has her own insecurity and friendships are born out of need more than out of greed or petty issues. Not a great film, but certainly a film that made me think.

And, left me wishing that such talents as DeNiro, Hoffman and Streisand had put better use to their "power" than they did with MEET THE FOCKERS ---- Vacarro/Cannon do not carry that level of power and it took close to two years for BOYNTON to find a distributor. Just think what Hoffman/DeNiro/Streisand/Fonda/Eastwood/Hawn/Pacino if they really put their heads together and made a film which might have something more to say than dirty jokes or warm fuzzies about space aliens. ...and, maybe they could cast Vacarro and Cannon as characters more than "the best friend" or "the aging slut" --- wouldn't that be cool? ...and considering the number of folks at the screening we attended on a lovely Saturday SF afternoon --- I suspect that DeNiro and Streisand would really pack 'em in. Shit. Let Ben Stiller produce it just don't let him write it or anything.

...somewhere Joni is singing of both sides. ...now.