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Monday, July 31, 2006

DANGEROUS ACQUAINTANCES, INGRID'S FEAST & SMASH UP ON THE STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO!

Friday night everyone's favorite girl, Ing, gave a little party.
Wearing her retro apron, up-to-the-moment-fashion and armed with a cooking instrument she called a "wisk" --- she greeted us at the door of the home for which she has been house sitting and the party began. Tho, I am still not clear on what that wisk was for --- Ing served us a delicious meal of sausages, buns and a pretty pink cake (that she baked all by herself)! It was yummy and the company was much fun!

B and me!

Ing and me!


Ing, Mark and I danced while "B" Alan and Adele cheered us on. We later learned that they were really just watching in shock and taunted us behind our backs but we still love 'em anyway. And the three of us "cut the rug" ...so to speak.

Much was discussed and many ideas were hatched for further cultural development of the human race. In the end, we all had to agree with Alan and all hope for the future lies with Ing's ability to write the perfect book. I think it could happen. Anyway, Ing gives great party and we all had a blast! A stone cold blast! We also found it fun to hang out outside the house once the party was over and watch Ing and Mark do things that I am unable to publish on my blog. We hooted and made obscene noises, but they were too lost 'in the moment' to notice. Alan got it all on video.


Oh! And, guess what came on one of our remit envelopes from one of our patients today! It just seemed so, well, "gay" to see a Judy Garland stamp on the remit envelope for our office postmarked for San Francisco -- I had to claim this stamp as my own. My boss advised that I was such a total homo in my red sportcoat and tight-fitting black t-shirt with the delicious print of big red lips wrapped around a cherry --- I agreed. But, he was waiting on pins and needles for the new "People" magazine to arrive and had just gotten into a disagreement regarding the singing merits of one Ms. Kelly Clarkson. So, who's the big homo now?!?! LOL!

Anyway, I had funny putting this shirt on because I feel like I've gained too much weight. I blame B who forces me to eat large quantitites of sugar and chocolate 24/7 but I must step up and just say no. Anyway, he assured me that I am still a size 'small' --- and I did get a number of compliments on my costume for the day. However, this being San Francisco, one never knows what one might encounter. As I was waiting in line to purchase the Magik Elixir, uh, I mean Diet Coke --- a young man approached me from the behind. I felt he was too close and became very aware of his presence. Then he leaned in and whispered into my ear -- "Hot shirt and I really like your jeans," --- then, before I had time to say "Thanks" his hand slide under my ass and his fingers were between my legs. I think I jumped 3 feet into the air.

It startled this kid more than me, tho. I could feel my face flush up. I turned and said, "Look. Thank you but keep your hands off my ass!" ...I said this in my meanest voice possible. ...and he just looked at me and said, "What about your cock?" ...What does one say to that? Why me? So, I just said the first thing that came to me --- "Please leave. Now." ...and, he did! ...I got my Diet Coke, walked to my standard seat on the steps of the Levi building and tried to decide if I was flattered or insulted. I started to discuss this with my boss but as nouvelle Vague sang "Too Drunk To Fuck" over our PA system I decided I would just keep it to myself.

But, I am sharing this experience with you. ...Because that what my blog is all about. Right?

OH! And, B and I heard the absolute coolest song this weekend --- actually, we heard it at the shop where I purchased my "hot" cherry shirt. It is called "My Other Car Is A Beatle" by Jay-r. As B dressed me up in a wide selection swimsuits that revealed more than if I simply dispensed with the wearing of swimsuits all together -- I discovered that Jay-r is a local DJ who has smashed up Salt-n-Peppa's The Cars That Go Boom with Gary Numan's Cars and various other Hip-Hop tracks. I HAD to have it. I searched iTunes with no luck.

However, a trip to a cool local record store revealed that this track is not legal and is created by a collective of SF DJ artistes who live on the auditory edge. I purchased a locally manufactured CD called "The Best Mashups In The World Ever Are From San Francisco" --- the cute guy at the store assured me that I was in for a treat with the CD and that only a few are ever published because it is not really "legal" ---- so I have it and can't wait to play it AND --- it turns out that these DJ's do a show of these smashups at a club once a month! I wanna go! (you'd be looking at it right now except that blogger will not let me upload the picture! oy!)

Ing! B! Mark! Alan! Milford! Adele --- and anyone else who wants to join! We must go to the next one in August or September! It is at the DNA Lounge -- and, please note that they smash up Ing's hubbby with Madonna (who wanted to marry me but I just wasn't up for that attitude 24/7, you know?) ....cool, tho -- eh?

...and, speaking of just how gay I am --- I picked up the new book on Barbra! Written by a critic (I think) who also happens to be a life-long fan, the book is an examination of Bab's career and offers a fan's insight into the things she has done right and the things she has done wrong. So, I guess the Barbra Criticisms come from a good place. Besides, I love the title. It is called "The Importance of Being Barbra" ...And, we all know that it is important being Barbra. It also must be really hard. I know I couldn't do it. I would not want to do it. Poor Barbra! I can't wait to read the book. I hope Ing selects it as November's reading group selection for the short attention span folks!

Oh, and, you know, I think we're all a little gay in our own ways. It's just that some of us are more gay than others. Now, excuse me while I mail my bill payments out using my Liza stamp from the US Postal Services Diva Collection. (I am saving Barbra's stamp for myself)

love and queer kisses,
matty

ps -- I hope you enjoy the pix! Check out Ing's blog soon -- if she ever decides to put up a post she will have way cooler pictures. I hope to get this posted tonight but I hope to be meeting up with B and Matt of Mule Skin Blog fame for dinner. It should be fabulous. And, I hope, quite gay! I'll bring my canceled Judy stamp. Anyway, when I get back to B's I will try to upload my pictures and get this posted. Tho, doesn't it seem like not that many people are reading or posting in July? ...Or is it just me?

14 Comments:

Blogger John said...

Hello Matt, I love your pic and you're adorable in all your queer togs. BTW, I've noticed that in many of your pics, it looks like you were just goosed with an icicle. Oh wait, Good Morning America just reported that there was another attack yesterday by the notorious San Francisco Icicle Gooser. Well, that explains that.

Um .. could I ask a favor. Would you go back to your Diet Coke Bar and buy the young man who assaulted you a plane ticket to Oklahoma City? I'll pay you back later. Thanks.

johnNokc

6:03 AM  
Blogger Topher said...

OMG, that is crazy. Only, only Matt would encounter these kind of things You're just a magnet, aren't cha!?

Tell me you didn't miss Strangers With Candy!! It's finally gonna make its way here in VA the second week of Aug. And can't wait for Little Miss Sunshine either :D

Glad things are going good. *hugs

6:27 AM  
Blogger matty said...

John!!! Oh my gosh! How are you, baby!?!?!? OK. I will try to send the Latino boy to you but I don't even know if he is of legal age. He sure looks young to me. Of course, being that I am old he is probably 25 and looks 15 to me. I can't afford a plane ticket so I will have to send him via a bus.

Kris -- YES! I saw Stranger With Candy 4 times in the cinema! Are you kidding?!!?? How could I miss that? I kept forcing folks to see it! I loved it! However, it is just like watching an R rated episode. One should not expect more. Kisses! ...I just hope I am not a magnate for destruction!

6:54 AM  
Blogger Karyn said...

Matt - I have a little known cherry fetish.

NO, not that kind of cherry.

The red, printed, embroidered, glossy cherries so prevalent in fashion and kitschy stuff. I love 'em! And I want to see a picture of your shirt, dammit!

Dude, what up with the schlong-grab photo?! LOL!

8:26 AM  
Blogger John said...

Ooops, there has been a misunderstanding. I'm the other johnNokc -- not Underling (who has disappeared, apparently, into relationship bliss *sigh*.)

9:39 AM  
Blogger digitic said...

Sheesh ... sorry I missed the party!!!

By the time I got home on Fri (about 6:30) I was wiped out and ready to just crawl into a hole. Very rude of me to not even call Ing to apologize.

M and I are doing great but there's much drama in other parts of my life so we must chat soon.

And how did you become such a freak magnet? I've been here almost 45 years and haven't had 1/100 of the strange experiences as you.

10:37 AM  
Blogger matty said...

John! LOL! You know after I posted my comment I thought to myself, "Is that John or John?" ...still, the inappropriate behaving boy is on his way to you --- I've corrected the address. And, how are you, baby? You didn't say!

Karyn! I have the same fetish! That is why I have the shirt! Actually, I couldn't talk B into wearing it so I got it. Actually, B got it for me!!! I wanted to post a picture of the shirt but I didn't have my camera. I will try to post a picture of it later! It is a way cool shirt. Just worried it doesn't look good on me. oy. Ing took that picture and it made me laugh. ...I was in "mid-dance" to Prince. Which makes me laugh all the more.

Milford! We missed you two! I am worried --- what drama. I will call/email you!!! Dinner next week, right? Miss you! I don't know --- I've always seem to fall into odd situations. Is it me or the world?

12:05 PM  
Blogger matty said...

John! LOL! You know after I posted my comment I thought to myself, "Is that John or John?" ...still, the inappropriate behaving boy is on his way to you --- I've corrected the address. And, how are you, baby? You didn't say!

Karyn! I have the same fetish! That is why I have the shirt! Actually, I couldn't talk B into wearing it so I got it. Actually, B got it for me!!! I wanted to post a picture of the shirt but I didn't have my camera. I will try to post a picture of it later! It is a way cool shirt. Just worried it doesn't look good on me. oy. Ing took that picture and it made me laugh. ...I was in "mid-dance" to Prince. Which makes me laugh all the more.

Milford! We missed you two! I am worried --- what drama. I will call/email you!!! Dinner next week, right? Miss you! I don't know --- I've always seem to fall into odd situations. Is it me or the world?

12:08 PM  
Blogger Matt said...

Matty,
It's funny how after watching you gobbling your big turkey dinner and the chocolate cake with super-sized whip cream last night I come to read about more food on this post! lol

That seems like a feast Ing has cooked up for all you boys!

"... I blame B who forces me to eat large quantitites of sugar and chocolate 24/7 but I must ..."

Epphemm....after watching you last night, don't know if you can blame on B....

I'll see you and B soon. Dinner was fun. Now J is off to Vegas for a few days so I'll be mostly reading students' papers on WAR AND PEACE....gimme a call sometime.

1:29 PM  
Blogger matty said...

Why did my earlier comment post twice?!?!? Hmmmm...

Matt -- That was my "last" meal!!! I "had" to eat all that food! Today, I've had 2 Diet Cokes, half a sandwich and am looking forward to half of SI cookie on my way to B's house. It was fun! You can call me, too you know! How come you're not going to Vegas, too!?!?!

(pssst -- it's a secret but B does force me eat large quantities of sugar-y foods. It isn't easy. There oughtta be a support group for boyfriends of boyfriends who force them to eat Krispy Kreme donuts)

...B never posts to my blog. I don't know why.

B?????

3:30 PM  
Blogger Jessica Jones said...

I'm dying to see the shirt. Post a pic!

1:54 AM  
Blogger Jon said...

Yeah, the closer I get to 30, the slower my metabolism gets....it's still fast, but I do ahve some fat parts on a skinny body. Yuck.

Great pics!

2:46 PM  
Blogger ing said...

Bebe:

Ummmm, who, of his own volition, ordered chocolate chip pancakes for dinner (when he'd had them for breakfast) and then topped them off with half an inch of syrup? Of his own volition, mind you.

Yes, yes, yes, I want to go to this mashup thing, and I most definitely will write about it on my KQED blog! Le'ts go!

And you MUST go with me to see the Trachtenburg Family Singers on September the 5th. MUST!

Okay, I have to continue taking my stoopid driving test. My apartment is spotless.

8:21 PM  
Blogger matty said...

Miss Jessica Jones -- LOL! I shall post a pic of my cherry t-shirt tonight! ...it isn't much, but I like it!

Jon -- Face it -- You are hot. Own it, baby! But, just wait til you actually hit 30. Your body starts to do things that it just knows it should not do!

Ing!!!! You're alive!! I was so worried! I am so there with you on 9/5!!! ...even tho I've no idea who that is! Mash up! Yay! I can't wait to give you a rip'd CD of the stuff. You will love it! Beck mash'd up with Madonna and The Eagles! Um, regarding pancakes -- I've no idea what you're talking about. The way I remember it is that you and Mark were holding me down while Byron force fed me enourmous amounts of sugar product --- and you were all laughing with glee as the pounds went on!

...and, uh, when is the house warming party!!?!?!

and, what driving test????

9:02 PM  

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