"LOOK, HONEY! A FAGGOT!!!! GIVE ME THE CAMERA!"

I suppose we can chalk this up to that odd magnet I seem to become for odd/uncomfortable situations. I should say that my day at work was horrible. Negative energy was all around me and no amount of Madonna/Kelly Clarkson remixes and gorgeous gay patients was going to change that. It was just a shitty day. So, when lunch time arrived I ran out with my iPod and my book. I went to my fave place for lunch and reading during my lunch break. It is outside a popular big-budget store which also features some historic San Francisco fountain which attracts tourists. But, I sit away from the fountain. I am usually situated just behind this cute little flower stand.

So, there I sat. On the steps which lead to the store. iPod playing Cansei De Ser Sexy and Moloko. And, I was reading my new book, "The Importance of Being Barbra" ---- and I was absorbed as I read this dude's opinions of my diva of choice. I don't agree with much of them, but I appreciate his opinions and ideas.

Anyway, I got that feeling one gets when one is being stared at.

I looked up and saw a sturdy couple armed with fanny packs and with two children looking pensively from behind them. The lady spoke first. I was expecting to be asked for directions to Union Square. Instead this is the conversation that took place (as I transcribed to my handy Sanrio Hello Kitty notepad which is with me at all times!)

Lady: "Hi! Can we take your picture?"
Me: "Me?"
Lady: "Yes! You looks so sweet! We wanted to take your picture to bring back home! We're visiting San Francisco!"

(no shit)

Me: silent (I was not in a good mood and they had just interrupted my reading time)
Lady: "Are you a homosexual?"
Me: "Yes. Why?"

(I should note that there was a quick look of 'I Told Ya So!" exchanged between wife and husband)

Man: "We saw two boys making out over on Market Street!"
Lady: "And they let me take a picture! It was so cute! Do you have a boyfriend?"
Me: "Yes, I do."
Lady: "I bet he is a doll, too! Are you two married to each other?"
Me: "Gay and lesbians are only allowed to marry in Massachusetts and I doubt that is going to last for long."
Man: "Oh, that's right!"
Lady: "I thought I saw a news story about gay guys marring in San Francisco."
Me: "Just for show. Not real. Only in Boston."
Man: "Well, we think it should be legal. Love is love. We don't like that governor in Massachusetts who is trying to stop it!"
Lady: "No and we don't like our President!"
Me: "Cool. Where are you guys from?"
Lady: "Oh! We're from Oklahoma, but I was originally born in Nebraska!"
Man: "This is the furthest we've ever been from home! We wanted to show the kids a big city!"
Me: "You should have taken them to New York. That's a big city."
Lady: "Oh, no! We wanted beaches and sunshine!"
Me: "Well, if you want to take a picture go ahead. Just not sure why you would want my picture."
Lady: "You look so San Francisco! A gay boy in a red sportcoat and reading a book by 'Barbara Striiizend' and I love that t-shirt! Is that a snake?!?!"
Me: "Oh dear. Is this take a picture of the cliche faggot day?"

(both laugh uncomfortably but the two kids just laugh)

Me: "Well, shoot away but that'll cost ya $5 --- I need to get a cup for tips!"
Lady: "Oh, you're so funny! Honey, give me the camera. Can the kids pose with you?"
Me: "Sure. Why not?"

(oddly, the two kids seemed excited and ran up to pose with me. They got behind me.)

Me: "No. In pictures I am always the cheese!"
(they didn't get my joke. Oh well. I let it go. However, I do prefer to be in the middle for pictures)

Man: "Can you raise your book on 'Striiiizend" so that we can see the cover?"
Me: "Only if you both say her name correctly. You're in Gay Town. Her name is 'Bar-bra Strie-sand" Kids, say it with me as your parents take our pictures"

"BARBRA STREISAND!"

Lady: "You are so sweet and funny! Thank you!
Man: "Thanks, son."
Me: "You know, I think we are the same age."
Lady: "How old are you?"
Me: "I'll be 40 in November."
Lady: "We're 46! You look 25!"
Me: "God bless you both. No charge for the picture."

...they left. I turned my iPod back on. ...the first song to pop on was "Secret" by Madonna. I am a cliche.

And, I should add --- some German tourists took my picture yesterday during my lunch break but didn't speak to or ask my permission. I couldn't figure out why. ...I guess it was because I am big fag reading about Babs on my lunch break.

I leaned back on the steps. Looked at the hippie-wanna-be who was sipping his Dr. Pepper a few feet away and let the cool San Francisco breeze blow past me. I closed my book and headed back to finish the work day from Hell.

However, tomorrow, this gay guy is headed to Big Sur with his boyfriend! He won't wear the priest costume I got for him but I do plan to re-enact at least 2 scenes from THE SANDPIPER -- and, you KNOW I get to be Liz! I can't wait!!! I promise to take pictures!!!!