BLOGGER RE-VISITED OR FEELING EXPOSED AND BITTER ON A SUNDAY'S AFTERNOON...
...artwork by Peet

Oh, this most worrying. Here I am sitting in my fave Castro cafe with a Diet Coke and my iBook --- killing time. Waiting for my pal, Bethie, to arrive. I was typing a note to Meredith (that cool beauty who lives on a Rock) and this leather clad gent of a certain age (ok, he told me he was 74) --- and a very handsome 74 I might add! Anyway, he walked up to my table and asked if I was "Matty of Matt's Bit of Space"

Dead silence for about a minute as I scanned my mind trying to decide what I wanted to say. I wasn't sure, so I opted to just say, "yes" --- he asked if he could sit to chat with me for a few minutes. I said sure. I was curious. He told me he recognized me from the picture on my blog and that he had been reading my blog for about a year. He told me that he wished I was blogging more often these days. Then he told me that I had "inspired" him to go to Medium Rare and purchase the Goldfrapp CD which he told me he loves. He then really impressed me by telling me that he knew that "Ride A White Horse" was in reference to Bianca Jaggar and that time she was supposed to have ridden a white horse on to the lit floor of Studio 54. He then told me that he didn't think that this ever actually happened and that he and his ex used to live in NY and spent many a night at Studio 54 when they were younger and hot. Color me impressed. We talked a bit about this never-ending rainy season. Then he asked for a hug and went on his way. Neat! I asked why he has never posted a comment and he said he doesn't feel that he has anything of wit to share. I told him that I disagreed. Then he told me that I should start submitting some writing to publishers. I told him I didn't know how and can't imagine that anyone would want to publish my rambling and scattered thoughts.

Hmmmm...

Now, I have to tell you. I was in a really good mood upon my arrival here. I had such fun with Ingrid yesterday and last night. Tho, I always have fun when hanging with Ms. Ing (who, by the way can wear any/all French fashion! She rocked the house in this little French black dress!) Anyway, I was feeling really "up with people" as I am waiting for one of my dearest friends, Bethie, to arrive. She is flying into San Jose. I would have gone to the airport to meet her but I don't know the way to San Jose. So, here I sit. Then Bethie called and her flight is delayed so I have more time to kill than expected.

Anyway, as the sun began to come out all I've seen are guys with their boyfriends/life partners --- hanging all over each other and ordering/eating loads of food and chatting about going on shopping sprees or upcoming travel plans. And, here I sit. Alone and about 6 months from 40. Alone. $200 in the bank and $80 in my pocket.


I feel bitter, jaded and a bit annoyed. I don't wanna be a bitter little pill.


And, I don't want to sleep with butterflies.








And, I don't wanna stand back.





















I want to stop all of my sobbing.







I'd much prefer to be the one with the hand in my pocket but I fear I am the one who feels you outta know. You know?
I guess, really --- I just wanna ride the white horse on to the floor of Studio 54. I don't want to be able to walk for days. Maybe that is what it all comes down to --- known of us have it figured out, but everything's going to be fine, fine, fine. Props to Alanis and a bucket of that green slime from that kids' show she used to be on...



iPod Shuffle Telling:
"Hollywood (Micronaught Remix)" by Madonna
"Lily" by Kate Bush
"Knocks Me Off My Feet" by Stevie Wonder
"Frederick" by Patti Smith Group
"Sugar" by Ladytron
"Bird In The Hand" by Har Har Superstar
"Heaven" by Eurythmics
"You Have Yet To Win" by Holly Golightly
"Action" by Saint Etienne
"I Won't Change You" by Sophie Ellis-Bextor
"Sixteen Tons of Hardware" by Bodies Without Organs