NOTES FROM A YACHT OFF THE COAST OF GREECE...

"...despite the beauty surrounding me, or perhaps because of it I feel so conflicted.

When 'ELiz' insisted I join she and her on this little cruise last year I had no idea it would last a full six months. Oh, and, yes --- there was Last Night! After she received that telegram from R and threw that dish of rabbit stew (who knew they had rabbits in Greece??!?!) into Paolo's face she screamed that we were no longer to call her 'Liz'. Apparently we are now meant to call her 'ELiz'. I don't know. Joshie made the mistake of calling her 'hon' as he always does when he mixes her Dirty Liz drink (I think it is quite similar to a Dirty Mary only far less tomato juice) ---- I thought she was going to kill the poor baby! But, instead, she just pulled the celery stick out of the glass and told him to drop his 'drawers' and bend over. Well, I left the room and headed up on deck which is where I have remained for the day. Just taking in the rays of this glorious sun. I always find it amusing when ELiz slips and uses grandma-like words such as 'drawers' --- she takes such pride on being a right on groovin' chick! R finally got her to stop painting those little peace signs all over the yacht.

Shit. ELiz just stumbled by. She leaned into my tanned face with her manicured fingers toying with my left nipple and whispered, 'Matty, did you select my scarf for the day?' Of course I had. She's wearing it. Ugh! I picked out that orange one with the giant purple grapes painted all over it. I thought it would go well with the one piece Danny picked up for her last week when she sent us into Athens to pick up magazines and beer.

However, she is still in her Madi-Hari Mode. It was cute for about a day, but I do so tire of her walking about the deck holding those pearls over her face and asking all of us to kiss her. Paolo should have known his time was up when she asked him to kiss her ass. Roddy took a stunning picture, though! He developed it in that room that only he and Liz (uh, I mean, ELiz) are allowed to go. I wonder what's in that room. Maybe I don't really want to know.


Anyway, she gave me this glossy that Roddy gave to her. She does look fabulous, but all I can only think of her numerous demands as I look at it. Holy shit. Please don't tell me she's put on that poncho thing again! That so does not go with the scarf! Fuck it. Who cares. She's tanked anyway. Still pissed that Jackie turned down the invite. We were all relieved. She was going to have us all get out of our short-shorts and wear 'proper waiter outfits' ...shudder!

You know, I remember asking her what it was I was supposed to be doing for her. When she told me I was to be in charge of selecting her daily scarves I suspected it might get a bit dull. However, the woman has over 25, 000 on this boat alone! I don't even know how many she has back at the villa! But, it is considerably more. She actually has a scarf room. That's where I sleep if Roddy is pissed at me and Danny is otherwise involved. We had to leave poor R behind after Paolo showed up with that milk delivery. R really puts up with a lot. However, from what we can gather, he is on his way back to the yacht for dinner this evening.

Paolo was already escorted back to shore by that goon she calls the captain. I seriously doubt those facial burn wounds will heal. So much for his modeling career.

You know, dear journal, it was a whole month into this Greek Journey that Joshie told me what I was really meant to do. I still can't believe I've been hired to serve Roddy McDowell's Boy Toy. At first I thought it was love. But, as Joshie says, 'De's no luv here, baby!' He does make me laugh even as I cry. Yeah, I guess Danny was terminated from the Roddy Gig when he pulled that little stunt with Tab Hunter. I guess ELiz warned him that Rod and Tab had a bit of a history. However, we all know what man-sluts he and Tab are! Actually, it is fun when ELiz starts in on bitching about the scene she, R and Roddy discovered in the kitchen. And, Roddy gets sooooo mad, but he wouldn't dare call her on it! He is still pissed that she didn't kick Danny back to London. The thing is that Danny is very gifted. Say what you like, but ELiz knows that sort of talent when she sees it. She values us more than that mean old Guru she keeps in the cabin next door to her.

This wine is really good. And, so are these little cake-like things which I am unable to pronounce. It's all Greek to me! I know, that is so corny. But, Roddy does love my cliches.

I had to come up here today, tho. I am in no mood for Rod today.

Man, I was so excited when he kissed me last night. He was so passionate and the glow of the moon was so romantic! Then, as he traced my throat with his tongue, he told me he had a special gift for me. A ring? A trip out of this dull paradise? A villa I can call my own? A real job, perhaps?

No! ....He gave me this old publicity photo which he autographed to 'Sally'

--- I think because that makes ELiz laugh. Sally was, apparently, this rich bitch who liked to hang out with her. She used to select ELiz's scarves. I gather all was fine till ELiz caught R slurping orange juice off Sally's tits. I guess that's when R got kicked to the Greek curb.

I wonder what happened to Sally? No one seems to know. Joshie said he last saw her crying on deck two with ELiz. But he assured me that Elis was comforting her. And, ELiz and R were the very first to post reward money for her safe return. But, sadly she is still missing. Orange juice is no longer allowed here or at the villa.

Ugh! Roddy has joined me on the deck. He is actually trying to crawl on top of me as I write. I pushed him off.

He's off on another bitch rant about the fact that he has to play a monkey or something in some movie when "we" get back to the states. Shit! He just spilled iced tea all over my copy of HELLO magazine! I had so wanted to read about Twiggy. Now, there is a diva I could work for! Closer to my own age and I don't think she's into sitting on boat for day's on end.

Oh, and here comes that old man. Danny told me that he heard ELiz promising him that she could get either me or Joshie to give him a rub down later. Yuck. But, I guess he is someone of import. Roddy tells me that Joshie, Danny and I are total idiots to not drop to our knees and worship this bitchy old queen. What's his name? Noel Koward? Noel Caward? I can't remember. But it is something like that. I don't know. All I know is that it totally sucks when he convinces ELiz to start singing.

Well, the sun is shifting. Roddy is playing with my hair and Miss Koward is going on about some argument with R and that Eliz better take care of it or Miss Priss is ditching this gig. Ah, ha! I knew she was on the payroll! But, he is so fucking old!

Roddy is trying to pry the pen out of my hand. He's been trying to read my journal since he found it in my bag. And, that is all I need. Can you imagine the shit that would hit my fan if he read about that incident with Danny and Tab. I mean, that was back in Italy. I didn't know! But, he is so tres silly. He wouldn't take that into account. I would just become an evil whore.

Oh, shit. ELiz is braying on about how the scarf clashes with her poncho. She may be tight but she still has her fashion wits about. Still can't figure out what she sees with that poncho. Danny told me it belonged to that James Dean guy. Who cares? It's a poncho. That is so '68!

Good night, my dear journal. I must go see about a new scarf, refill Ms. Koward's glass and meet Roddy in his cabin -- all within the next fifteen minutes. All I can say is that this better get me a role on that TV show! Roddy promised if I learned how to do that thing with the olive bottle he would put in a word.

And, we both know I've mastered that sick little act. I think I must have the internal bruising to prove it!

I wonder if R will have a copy of this HELLO with him when he arrives. I know he has a bit of a thing for T. Who could blame him?!?!? She is so 'it' -- I mean, she is simply destined to be THE movie star! Roddy was going on about how upset he was that she requested Avedon to do her new publicity shots, but what I can't figure out is -- does he want to be a movie star or a fashion photographer? I mean, make up your mind.



Rod is such a baby. I think it will be funny to see him in a monkey costume. Oh, excuse me -- I guess we are to call it a state of the art ape costume. ...and he gets to wear a high fashioned suit. ??? Talking apes in designer mens wear. Oh, how the mighty fall.

I am quite honestly sighing aloud.

I must close for now -- A hot pink scarf, an empty olive bottle and a greased-up former child star awaits entertainment in his cabin. I sure hope Danny was lying about Eliz and R setting up hidden cameras in all the cabins. That would be so tacky and yet oddly wonderful all at once.

Oh, I hate to leave my lounger. It is so pretty here. But, duty calls.

Twiggy, please rescue me!
M."