OK, WHO PUT A CURSE ON ME?

Not to continue to beat the Self Pity Drum, whine, bitch or moan anymore than I already have for the past 2 years, but who put on a curse on me and why?

I just want to know. And, what in the hell do I need to do to break it??!?! Voo-du?

I think I'm a pretty upbeat/positive person. It's hard to knock me down. I simply force myself out of bed, put on a smile and push forward. And, I will continue to do so. And, believe me, I KNOW things could always be a hell of a lot worse. I am blessed with great friends who give me much love. And, I do understand that things will always work out. And, sooner or later things are going to stabilize ---- But, Jesus! I can't seem to get a break!

Aside from a number of other annoying challenges which I seem to have no control over -- The last two business days were taken over and wasted by a possible job thru an agency. Friday and today I was up at 7am, in my suit and at the ready. ...but was told to just sit tight. ...and, I did. Until about 1pm or so today when I realized that this "interview" was not going to happen and that this other temp agency I had FINALLY found that felt they could utilize me no longer wanted to meet with me because I postponed my interview with them three times --- all for this possible interview with times that kept changing or being delayed.

I don't want to go into any level of detail on this, but I thought I had shut the door on this whole thing. Now, they want me to "chat" with them again. ...Get this, to set up a "possible" time to meet. Can I be available tomorrow??? ARGHHHH!!!! ...the sad thing is that there is nothing else waiting for tomorrow. Other than another day of sending out resumes, making phone calls, etc.

I'm tired of being broke, out of work and living in a friend's spare room.

I'm tired of bad news.

...if one more shoe drops I'm going to kick it right back up at the sky.

I want no more drunken calls.
I want no more family tragedies.
I want no more debt issues.
I want not to speak to another lawyer.
I want no more unemployment
I want no more jerk-off/bullshit corporate games.

Oh, and, is it too much to ask to have a cell phone that works? I'm sorry I lost my nice one during the holidays, but why can't I get one that works?!!? I feel retarded constantly saying, "I'm sorry. What did you say?"

And, you know what? ...I want just 4 hours free of any major worry. Just 4 hours. I know this happens for some people. It used to happen for me. I do not even need a full day. Just 4 hours will do for now.

I want a job.

Nothing special. Just a job with a basic medical and dental plan. I'll work at the Nob Hill Cinema or Tit World. I don't care. I just need a job.

Just a bit of stability and a place to call my own. That's all. Really. No fooling.

It has been a rough couple of years. I've rolled with the punches.

Joke's on me. I get it. Now, I just want to move forward without having to keep rolling back!

Essentially, I want my life back. NOW, please.

(a pillow to the wall)

(deep breath)

(counting back from 10 to 1)

(i am a child of the universe)

(in with love out with anger)

...keep moving forward. But, please give me a fucking break! (Sorry, excuse my language)

Ok, I feel a little better now.

Back to the grind. Bring it on. As per usual, I'm ready to tumble. Dukes are up. But, I hope. I really hope I can stop fighting against the slope soon. It's getting very tired.

No more of that. I am done with my online vent. No more complaining. I'm healthy. I'm fine. Don't anybody be worrin' about me. I am fine. Just tired.

The steam has been blown. It's all good.