AS THE FAG TURNS...

While depositing my sad little pay check I had a bit of a wait in line. A long wait. Out of boredom I decided to look up at the bank monitor which normally screens CNN. I was surprised to discover something very different on the screen. I'm not sure what the following experience says about me but I shall share it with you because it amused me. Instead of the pancake made-up CNN anchors informing me of never-ending tragedies from the bank monitor there were three rather gay looking guys/actors doing their very best to act macho in some scene with a sports car in a garage. All three were wearing those flimsy worksuits and all three had their chests exposed. At this point, I thought to myself:

"This is too funny. How will they work in blowjobs and fuck scenes?!?!?"

Then, I thought, "Is the bank screening gay porn now? I mean, this is San Francisco but this might be a bit much. Gay porn in the bank. What is next?"

But, I simply watched as these fancy boys acted as macho as their little pecs would allow and thought, "This can't be a Chi-Chi LaRue production or Bel Ami product. The camera work sucks and the lighting is far too dark. The music is odd for a porn. What porn company made this? When will the sex start? This sucks ---"

...And, then, the picture of the three "straight-acting" actors faded to black and a voice from the monitor informed me that this was The Days Of Our Lives. This wasn't gay porn. This was a soap opera which looked like gay porn in the making.

Oy.

So, B smokes. A lot. And, my best friend, Ms. Ing had recently began smoking. I smoked for over a decade when I was a kid and stopped in 1987 or so. It is hard to live and love a smoker and to be pals with a smoker when you don't smoke but really want to --- so about two weeks ago I was feeling a bit stressed. I know that both B and Ing like their cigs because they seem to need them to deal with stress. So, I cop'd a ciggie out of B's pack and lit up. I stepped out on to our fire escape and took it in. It was pure bliss. I began to crave my old brand of Salem --- I loved Salem. I loved it because of that cool burn of Menthol. I immediately ran out and bought a pack. The packaging had changed but it was still the same classic cig. ...just look! Free, cool, relaxed, sexy and breezy. I mean - what's a bit of cancer?!?!? I've heard Iron Lungs can be fun!

Then, the protests started. Both B and Ing were upset that I was smoking. For some reason it was OK that they smoked but I should not. Now, B used the stance of "Do as I say and not as I do" -- this approach will not work with me. But, it was Ing who managed to convince me to toss out my pack after only 3 days of smoking nirvana. She told me that she had quit and this meant that I had to as well. She would not have us both smoking. So that worked. But, she slipped up the other night. I want to slip up. And, now, some friends of mine have decided that they enjoy smoking every other day at lunch time. What makes this really annoying is that these friends of mine do not know how to smoke. So, when I am sitting near them and they light up there is an incredible amount of smoke as they do not know how to properly inhale. So, I am forced to sit in a smog of warm smoke that seems to be calling me to it like a siren in heat. Thank goodness these friends of mine don't smoke weed. That would be a waste.

Anyway, I will continue to fight the urge to smoke. I sure wish B and Ing would just quit already. It ain't easy. B smokes Camels -- the cigs of death and Ing smokes (when she falls off the wagon) some no name brand with a Native American on the carton. Sigh.