EASY READER

I was an odd child. At four I was into Barbra Streisand. I never liked Star Wars (don't yell at me) or other things that my friends were into. When my friends were enjoying Grease, I was sneaking in to see Woody Allen's Interiors. When disco was popular I was more interested punk that the older kid across the street listened to --- then as disco started to go out of style I developed a taste for it. When everyone was "jamming" to Cyndi Lauper or U2 -- I was listening to 4AD artists or Led Z, Heart, Patti Smith Group, Romeo Void or my beloved Stevie and Fleetwood Mac. Anyway, I never liked entertainment aimed at my generation -- or to children --- with three exceptions:

1. Willey Wonka & The Chocolate Factory --- Gene Wilder and Veruca Salt! Yes. Please, let's not discuss the revision coming from Tim Burton. I am upset about it. Sorry -- I know that many of you are excited, but to me it is sacreligious to remake that film. And, please, what is up with Johnny Depp's Tranny-in-a-suit-interpretation of the manic candy maker? What is up with that?!?!?

2. Zoom! Yes, I wrote to the kids at Zoom and learned to tie-dye my t-shirts. But, I never mastered that langauage thing that they could do. I loved those pseudo-hippie rap sessions!

3. PBS's The Electric Company --- Yes, I had a crush on Easy Reader. Tho, I am not sure I fully understood it was a crush at that time. But whenever Rita Moreno would scream, "Hey, you guys!" -- I was there waiting to see Easy Reader strolling along to that funky music ready to teach me how to read words.

Well, in case you don't realize or you are too young to remember Electric Company --- Easy Reader was played by Morgan Freeman. Who knew he would go on to become a big movie star?!?!? I even thought he was a good actor until he did that lame movie, DRIVING MISS DAISY --- which, in my opinion, could have just as easily been called UNCLE TOM DRIVES BITCHY OLD WHITE LADY. I hated that movie. Some white southern male's mistaken view of what he thought was an anti-racist statement was actually the reverse hidden in cliche and Hollywood sentiment. And, then Mr. Morgan appeared in the film version of BONFIRE OF VANITIES and I just pretty much lost respect. I mean the book was OK, but the movie translation was just wrong. I mean where was he when Spike Lee was casting DO THE RIGHT THING --- well, just as well. No one can top Ossie Davis.

In addition to participating in disguisting racist film work, he then adapted this grandfatherly voice of "wisdom" and is able to mist his eyes at will. Crying on cue would be more tolerable, but this misting of the eye business is just sappy beyond belief. In short, Morgan Freeman really annoys me. Sad, because he may have been my first male celebrity crush.

Anyway, there is a new documentary about penquins which looks quite interesting, but I don't think I can stomache it due to the fact that my man, Morgan (formerly known as The Easy Reader), is narrating it. And, on the commercial there is a line reading where Morgan says, "...love finds a way" ---- and, he says it in that honey-dipped-misty-eye'd way and I can hear the film editor scream to her assistant, "Cue the strings to manipulate for goose bump effect" ...and, it would be at this point that I gag.

That is the point of this aimless rant --- I want to see "March of the Penquins" --- but I guess I can't go thru with it. Damn!