A BRIEF MEDITATION ON STABILITY AND FREEDOM

I find that there seems to be a certain level of contentment to be found within instability. A degree of comfort in uncertainty that is impossible to measure but equally impossible to ignore. And, yet -- when my world is not stable and uncertain I am afraid. ...And, I am free. Freedom.

If, as Kris Kristofferson wrote, "...freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" --- then, during these times of fear, uncertainty and comfort I think I might be fully experiencing the full-on concept of "freedom" ...But, then I find myself questioning the logic of his stunningly true observation and discover what feels like a paradox.

You see, on many levels I have nothing left to lose but on other very literal levels - I have absolutely everything to lose.

I find my way back to the beginning of my thought. A complete circle. How real is this concept of "freedom" and how much of it do I ever really taste? ...lost in words, concepts and worries.

Stability. Instability. Safe. Settle. In life, how important are these words in practice vs. theory?

When I get myself into these faux philosophical modes I think of how I once told someone who had hurt me that I couldn't care less what he did. He took that a certain way, but what I was really saying was that I cared very, very much.

And, oddly exhilarated as I wait to see where the journey takes me, I wonder --- Do I open doors or do I simply re-construct traps to hold me in? My mind rattles, prattles and rambles on.

...I blur my vision as I look at the lit Christmas tree and simply get lost while those typewriter recordings play. I close my eyes.