CONVERSATIONS ON A MOVING BUS...

I had to ride a bus this evening. Aside from the fact that I hate buses, it was a very crowded ride -- and I was forced to touch the rail thing so I didn't fall into the small sea of people. Anyway, the following "conversation" or "discussion" happened as we rode down Van Ness.

Former Hippie Lady Turned Power Exec: "OK, someone really needs to use deodorant. Someone really stinks and I am getting sick"

(obnoxious, but true. ...the offending odor was steaming out of a tall white rasta-wanna-be college-age-'dude' --- who was, of course, standing next to me --- arm pit aimed at my face)

Pissy Middle Management Guy: "Amen. Somebody needs to take a bath!"

Tall White Faux Rasta Boi: "Fuck you both. This is the way human beings smell. Get over it and shut up."

FHTPE: "Son, don't speak that way to me. And, no, clean human beings do not smell like rotting flesh!"

TWFRB: "Fuckin' bitch."

PMMG: "Hey, don't speak to the lady that way! You stink and we shouldn't have to smell it"

TWFRB: "Dude, shut the fuck up or I am taking your ass down"

FHTPE: "Oh, please -- we're all terrified! ...Of the way you smell you sick little brat!"

Random girl sitting below the would be white rasta boy: "Yeah, I think you need to do something about your hair."

Ok, now I am sort of in the middle of all this negative and urban anger brew. I am just trying to get to Walgreens and survive the stench which is making me sick --- however, these three jerks were just being mean. ...but, then, of course --- I get pulled into it.

TWFRB: "Look, assholes just because I don't smell like this Jew who's been dipped in some chemical cologne bath doesn't mean that you have the right to give me your shit."

(several passengers begin to this San Francisco hissing thing that is so popular here.

FHTPE: "He smells good! If I were he I would pour some cologne over your ugly head!"

RGSB: "You are such a fucking asshole. I'm Jewish and I am going to kick your ass"

me: "Would you all please shut up! If you can't take the smell get off the bus, if you can't take it like a man do something about the way you smell and leave me the fuck out of it. And, actually, I suggest YOU get off the bus anyway and get to your Nazi rally, freak."

...oops.

MUNI Bus Driver: "Cool it, people or you're all getting off my bus!"

TWFRB: (screaming) "Stop the bus --- I'm getting off!"

(majority of people sitting begin to clap)

Stinky pig boy gets off the bus in a huff --- but his scent lingers. I get off at the next stop.

Why me?